Chapter 6
Theo
I watch her walk up the hill towards her front door. I can’t tear my eyes away from the gentle sway of her hips, and I realise what a mess I’m getting myself into. Her words keep playing in my head.
“Walking with you makes me happy, Theo.” The way she said my name caused me to ache.
When she touched my chest, I was terrified that she would be able to feel my heart pounding underneath her fingertips.
It took all of my control not to bend down and kiss her.
Her lips were inches from mine, her breath on my skin.
Her eyes did that cute thing they do when she knows we’re getting close to an invisible line.
They grew wide and glistened with longing.
She wanted it too. I know she did. When she laughed, the sound took me by surprise.
Like a song I’ve never had the pleasure of hearing.
She’s falling for me, I can see it. And it isn’t fair to let it continue.
But the walk made me happy too. If I’m honest with myself, I can see that I may also be falling for her. More than I had ever expected. The more time I spend with her, the more my admiration grows. The songs I am writing are no longer about loneliness; they’re about her.
When she reaches her door, I finally turn and head to the road where my driver is waiting.
I know Nigel and my security team have been trailing us the entire time.
Close enough to see, but at a distance that Elizabeth wouldn’t have noticed.
There is only so much freedom I can have, but on our walk, a feeling of freedom surrounded me like a mist was keeping us hidden. Nobody could touch us.
A heaviness slowly settles over me the next morning when my gentle routine of going to the coffee shop is disrupted. I hadn’t realised until now, just how much I’d miss her when she wasn’t around and how much I have been craving our morning coffees together.
I have an important film premiere I’m obliged to attend, and I honestly can’t think of anything worse, but the preparation takes all my effort for the next couple of days. Hair appointments, suit fittings, and everything else that comes with a red carpet appearance.
I’m not in the right frame of mind to play happy families with Olivia. All I can think about is Elizabeth and how quiet my world is when I’m with her. It takes so much of my energy to pretend. Needless to say, I scrub in the shower, pull on my tuxedo, and head to the car.
An hour later, the red carpet theatrics between myself and Olivia begin.
I get out of the limo, and the crowd begins to scream as the clicks of the cameras rapidly fill the air.
I offer my hand to help Olivia, like the doting husband she so desperately wants people to see.
Her tanned legs and black stilettos step out, and the cameras flash faster, blinding me as people scream our names even louder. I gently help her from the car.
I place my hand on the small of her back, stroking the red silk dress, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Or that’s what it looks like to the hundreds of screaming fans and photographers.
I lean close to her, smelling the scent of her perfume.
“I can’t wait to leave,” I mutter into her ear. Olivia smiles and waves, ignoring every word I say.
“Careful, Theo, you almost sound like you want to take me home.” She mocks me as she places her fingers on my chest, right where Elizabeth’s hands had been only a couple of days before. I throw the thought away before it invades my evening.
My performance deserves a bloody Oscar.
My thoughts keep drifting to Elizabeth and how I wish it was her standing next to me right now. When Olivia and I reach inside the building on Leicester Square, the sound of the crowd fades. Before the film even starts, I slip towards the back exit.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Olivia asks. I don’t answer, so she shouts to get my attention. “Theodore, where are you going?” If she were honest with herself, she would find that she doesn’t really care. She’s asking for her own agenda.
“Anywhere that isn’t here. I won’t be home until late. Don’t wait up for me.”
“I wasn’t planning on it,” she snaps back, her long black hair swinging as she walks away. I know her plans for tonight don’t include me. Her evening is marked out for the lead actor in this film.
Nigel is driving me home when a thought hits me.
Spontaneous, reckless maybe, but I ask him to stop at one of the many London bakeries.
He runs in and grabs a rich chocolate fudge cake, piped with white chocolate swirls.
I grip the white box and tell him where to go.
We drive down the motorway until the ocean comes into view.
With every turn we take, I question the decision I’m making.
My mind is flooded with her smile. The sound of her laugh, the way my body twitches when she touches me, so soft and delicate.
We pull up to Elizabeth’s cottage and I watch as her shadow move gracefully through the living room.
I straighten my suit lapels and make my way down her path.
I gently knock on her front door. Two quiet taps and Bear is immediately there, barking as fiercely as he can.
Elizabeth’s little protector. The light from inside floods the darkness outside as she opens the door in her robe, hair tied in a messy bun, and her face clean from the day’s makeup.
I didn’t think she could get more beautiful, but the woman standing in front of me is glowing.
She blinks heavily in disbelief, her long lashes fluttering open and shut, and I watch as her hand grips the top of her robe, pulling it together self-consciously.
I bite my tongue, stopping myself from telling her not to do that.
Her timid nature pulls me back, quieting the assertive side of me for fear of scaring her off.
I’m standing at her door, white box in hand, dressed in the most luxurious suit I own, wishing I had at least removed my jacket before exiting the car.
I’m certain the tuxedo is making her feel even more uncomfortable.
I give her my best disarming smile in an attempt to calm her clearly tense body.
Her eyes soften and the frown lines disappear as the corners of her lips curl up into that cute, subtle grin she does.
“I brought chocolate cake,” I say as I lift the box up. “I hope you like chocolate,” I hold the box out for her to take from me. She doesn’t, and I suddenly feel stupid, like perhaps I’m intruding. I clearly hadn’t thought this through enough.
Bear wags his tail as if he’s just seen a long-lost friend, so I bend down to his level to greet him.
“Hey buddy. You think mummy is going to let me in?” When Elizabeth fails to speak, I rub the back of my neck awkwardly, hoping that she will say something. Anything.
“You haven’t invited me in yet,” I say gently. The longer I stand there, the more I’m beginning to think that she won’t. It’s at this moment that I start to regret my decision.
She silently moves aside, making room for me to enter.
The kitchen is small. Intimate. I place the cake on the side whilst she retrieves forks from the cutlery drawer.
She hands one to me and leans against the kitchen counter on her elbows, arching her back in a way that makes something inside me twitch, firing my mind into inappropriate territory.
I gather myself and force my eyes away. She doesn’t ask where I have been to warrant such a suit, where the cake has come from, or even why I’m here.
She just seems to be enjoying the unexpected company.
I’m enjoying it too.
“How long have you lived here?” I want to know more about her, and being in the privacy of her cottage finally gives me the freedom I need. No prying eyes, no pressure.
“I moved here after my mum died eight years ago. I was an only child, so everything my mum and dad ever had was left to me.” The sadness that seems to wrap itself around her is hard to watch.
“Do you have any family around?” She shakes her head.
I can tell she doesn’t want to carry on this conversation, so I change the subject.
“I’ve been thinking about something you said on our walk the other day.
” She looks up at me as she slowly draws the fork out from between her lips.
I imagine all the things I want that cute mouth of hers wrapped around, and it’s not that fork.
What I wouldn’t give to be able to touch those lips with my own.
I place my fingers between my collar and undo my bow tie, suddenly feeling like it’s choking me.
It seems to be hotter in here than it was moments ago.
“What did I say?” she asks quietly, tilting her head, as she flicks her tongue over her lips, placing a delicate finger to the corner of her mouth, wiping away a chocolate crumb.
Her finger lingers on her bottom lip. I go still, my heart racing as the innocent movement becomes something far more erotic in my head.
I grip my hair, trying to ignore the heat rolling through me.
She has no idea the effect she has on me.
“You said walking with me made you happy,” I manage. She nods silently, a slight blush rising up her neck. “I wanted to tell you that walking with you makes me happy too. I feel free when I am around you, Elizabeth.” She lowers her head and hides her shy smile.
“I researched your marriage,” she replies.
“And?” I ask as I place my fork down.
“I think you’re being honest with me.” Her hand rubs over her eyes and down to her mouth. “God, I hope you’re being honest, Theo.” Her eyes fill with questions, and I see something shift within her. I circle to the other side of the kitchen island and take her hand, holding it to my chest.
“I promise you, Elizabeth, you can trust me.” As I say it, I question to what depth? At what point will I have to step back from her? Act as if nothing is happening, as if the feelings building inside of me aren’t real.
She is staring at me, tempting me. I fight with myself as my face gets closer to hers.
Her cheek touches mine, and I can’t help but kiss her there.
She smells divine, filling my senses. I know I shouldn’t have done that.
I’m stepping close to a line I shouldn’t be crossing.
She hasn’t moved away though; her breath caressing my ear.
I begin to move back, but feel a tug on my shirt.
I look down at her soft grip, keeping me close.
I lower my head to her lips as she rises onto her tiptoes to meet me.
We kiss with caution, both of us carefully treading water.
Elizabeth keeps her fingers wrapped in my shirt as my hand moves to the back of her neck.
My leg slips between hers, and I push her back into the island.
Our lips move slowly, savouring every moment.
Her hand stays tucked inside of mine. When we step away, we’re both breathless.
“I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I shouldn’t have done that.” Her finger is still stroking one of my shirt buttons, drawing little circles on the silk.
“I wanted you to kiss me.” She replies, her eyes glinting in the soft light.
“I should go.” I kiss her forehead, resting my lips there for a beat longer than I should. I say good night before the invisible line I just crossed becomes non-existent.
Stepping into the car, I take my jacket off, undoing the top button of my shirt. I rest my head on the back of the seat, close my eyes, and breathe deeply. My whole body is aching for her.
When I walk through the oversized doors of my disgustingly large mansion later that night, Olivia is waiting for me, sitting on the bottom steps of the staircase, arms crossed.
“So, where did you go?” She asks, wearing a look I don’t recognise. A look that gives me the distinct impression that she’s mad about something. The look is smothered in accusation.
“I was visiting a friend,” I reply as I step past where she’s sitting and head up the stairs. I’m not in the mood for the interrogation that she is about to unleash on me. I need a minute.
I continue through the house until I reach my bathroom.
I turn on the shower, take off the suit and slowly let cold water run over my muscles.
They ache from the evening’s tension. From the fake smiles on the red carpet to the tension Elizabeth caused me whenever I looked at her, kissed her.
Desire coils low in my groin, something I’m trying desperately to ignore.
With my hand on the shower wall and head low, all I can think about is her.
The obsession is beginning to scare me. This isn’t a fling; I know that for certain.
Something about her makes me feel alive, reckless, and a little less lost. I don’t know how long I can hold myself back.
I spend far too long in the shower, and when I climb out, I don’t even bother drying myself properly. I don’t have the energy for it. I lay on my bed, still damp, drifting off to sleep thinking about the woman I just shared cake with. The one that has my head in a spin.
When I wake, the sun hasn’t risen yet, but my body is still full of frustration, so I get up, put on my workout pants and head to the gym, where I stay for hours until my body can’t lift one more rep.
Until the ache becomes different.