Chapter 8 #2
“It’s ok,” he attempts to reassure me. “It’s not really the type of thing people expected me to do.
I was just so sick of being around people that only saw me as the popular football player that I needed to try something that was completely out of my comfort zone.
It was the most amazing experience I have ever had.
It makes you realise just how lucky we really are.
When I returned a couple of years later, I went back to uni and spent the next seven years studying medicine.
So now I work in the local hospital caring for the sick kids on the wards. ”
I think back on all the times I was one of those people who saw him as just the popular footballer at school. How I had brushed him off as just another jock, when really, he is so much more beneath the facade. Why had I not realised this before?
We speak for hours, and when I finally get up to leave, I notice that the sun is already dipping toward the horizon. We have been sitting here together for hours, just talking.
I haven’t thought of Theo once. Until this moment, as I head back home. As the lonely walk back to my empty cottage looms.
I thank James for the chat and get up to leave. As I start walking away, he calls over to me.
“Hey, Elizabeth. Do you mind if I take your number?” The question catches me off guard, and I stand staring at him for a second too long. He slowly rubs his hands together, the nervousness starts to make him feel awkward. He needs me to answer before he dies in front of me from embarrassment.
“Unless you’re not single… let’s be honest, why would a beautiful girl like you be single? I’m sorry, Elizabeth. Ignore me. Forget I asked.” He is starting to ramble, and it makes my heart swell as he turns to walk away.
I quickly pull my notebook and pen out of my bag and rip a page from the book, scribbling down my number.
“James,” I call. I jog to catch up to him and place the paper in his hand.
“I’m single,” I say. The words leave my mouth too fast. But as I say it, something inside of me crumbles.
If he had asked me the same question two days ago, I’m not sure that sentence would have come out.
Theo made his feelings painfully clear last night, and that relationship can no longer continue.
As much as it breaks my heart, I will not wait for a man to realise how special I am. I deserve to be loved.
I’m feeling a newfound sense of bravery, so I lift myself up onto my tiptoes and gently kiss him on the cheek. As I turn to walk away with Bear trotting beside me, I look over my shoulder at him and call back.
“Thanks for a lovely day, James. See you again.”
I turn towards home with a quiet confidence. I stroll along the beach, letting the sun warm my face, feeling light and airy, and I can’t wait to get home and FaceTime the girls to fill them in on the cute guy from school that I was most definitely wrong about.
I sit down at my desk and open my laptop, dialling each of the girls’ numbers into Zoom and watch as each screen loads in.
They don’t believe me at first, but the more we talk, the more they realise their girl is opening herself up to a new man.
“So, you actually gave him your number? None of the fake numbers you used to hand out?” Kitty asks sarcastically.
“Yes, Kitty, I gave him my real number. He may not even use it. I’m not getting my hopes up.” I reply. I’m still not entirely sure that I even want him to call. My love life seems complicated enough without adding someone else to it.
“He will call.” Kitty says all matter of fact, and I can tell she’s excited by the prospect.
“Hey, I forgot to ask you,” Fiona says, “Did you ever see Theo Masters again?” His name coming out of her mouth pulls me straight back into the room. I stare at the screen, feeling lost for words. I try not to show the visceral reaction that my body seems to have at the mention of his name.
“WHAT?” Kitty screams into the screen. My lips curl up into a smile at her reaction, but my heart is secretly sinking inside me.
“Nope. Must’ve been a one-off.” I reply to her, shrugging my shoulders.
It sends a flash of guilt through my body.
I have never lied to them before, but I won’t tell them about Theo.
What’s the point? I was his little secret, and if I looked deep enough inside, I would realise that actually, he was my secret too.
His celebrity status was part of the issue, but even if he hadn’t been a famous musician, I’m not entirely certain that we wouldn’t still be shrouded in secrecy.
He has a wife and a family after all. It goes against every fibre of my moral compass to have a relationship with this man.
So, if that’s true, why am I struggling to pull away so much?
“Well, that is a damn shame. Before we go, we were thinking of going into town on Saturday. Dinner and drinks, then maybe stop at Oceanside. You fancy it?” Fiona has always loved a night out with the girls, but since Eden was born it hasn’t happened. I owe it to her to go and have a good time.
We organise times and where we’re meeting and then say our goodbyes.
I lower my laptop lid and stare out of the window toward the ocean for a few minutes, wondering whether that’s excitement flowing through me or dread for Saturday night.
I rise from my seat, grab a plastic bag from under the kitchen sink and gently place Theo’s hoodie inside.
I walk over to the front door and leave the bag on the porch, ready for him to collect.
I have so much more love for myself than Theo will ever be able to give me, and I remind myself of that as I close the front door and beg myself to forget about him.
I switch off the main lights and leave only a soft lamp on in the corner, filling the living room with a golden glow.
With a blanket over myself and Bear curled up by the fireplace, I open my notebook and write.
The words flow onto the page as if the inspiration seems to have returned with a determination I’ve been missing.
I write and write until the dark outside is the deepest blue, almost pitch black if the moon didn’t have such a bright glow.
It is at this time that I realise the harsh reality.
Since Theo walked into the coffee shop, I haven’t been able to write properly.
My whole thought process has been about him.
I have been eating, breathing, and dreaming of him.
As my eyes softly close and I drift off, Bear’s soft snoring the only sound in the room, I’m suddenly woken with two soft, familiar knocks on the front door.
So soft, I think I might’ve dreamt it. It’s not until two further knocks come that I move the blanket to the side and slowly approach the door.
I know who it is before I even get up off the sofa.
Before I even reach for the door handle.
My hand rests on the cold metal, terrified to turn it.
I know that as soon as I see the man on the other side, I’m going to let him back in.
With every step I take towards him, I’m already disappointing myself.
I haven’t even lasted twenty-four hours.
Slowly I turn the handle and open the door.