Chapter 9
Theo
I know I shouldn’t be here. Her message earlier made that painfully clear. I walk along the path of her front garden and stand staring at the bag on the porch steps. She doesn’t want me to knock. If she did, I wouldn’t be looking at my hoodie folded up in an old Tesco carrier bag.
I shouldn’t be here.
The four words echo through my body like a warning. There has been an ache in me all day. I have missed her.
I shouldn’t be here!
Gently, I tap my knuckles on the door.
Silence.
Leave, Theo.
Walk away.
I try again, ignoring my own thoughts.
I can see her shadow moving around the soft lighting inside and hear her footsteps on the wooden floorboards getting closer. As the door handle turns, my heart races.
“What if I don’t want you to stop?” I scold myself with the thought. She didn’t want me here. She made it clear. I tell myself to leave again.
I don’t.
The moment I see her, tired and undone, I can no longer control myself. It’s a pull I’m unable to get a control of. My arms wrap around her small frame, my eyes locked on her tired eyes, silently begging her to let me in. I whisper into the silence.
“I missed you so much today. I couldn’t stay away, and when I got your text…
” I stop, composing myself, catching my breath.
I close my eyes, blocking out the look of utter despair she has.
She opens her lips to speak, to turn me away no doubt, so I place mine onto hers, stopping the words that are about to leave.
We both unravel. As she grabs my hair in her hands, we slowly melt backwards into her cottage.
My foot kicks the front door shut, and it softly clicks into place as I continue kissing her with the same hunger I had the night before. I’m falling apart in front of her.
Her moans tell me she is enjoying it as much as I am. Hands explore my body as we stand in her living room. She is not pushing me away tonight. I can’t let her. Her lips feel like forgiveness that I haven’t earned.
Elizabeth can feel the longing growing inside of my trousers, the frustration making itself known.
I’d be an idiot to let this go.
I pause for a moment and press my forehead to hers, slowly planting a kiss there. I need a minute. I’m getting too hot and heavy. I need to catch up with myself. Allow my brain to catch up to my body. She is becoming my addiction.
A hurricane wouldn’t have kept me away after her text. It felt like we didn’t even know each other. It’s been killing me all day.
If the papers do release the photo of us together, would it really be that bad? I could step away from a lie and embrace love for the first time in my life.
“Elle… baby girl…what are you doing to me? I haven’t been able to concentrate all day. Your text message threw my brain into a spin.” She gasps at something I have just said. Confusion strikes me. “What’s wrong?”
“The name you just called me.” She freezes. There’s silence in the air. It’s so quiet, even the ocean sounds like it’s stopped moving. “No man has called me Elle since my father was alive.”
She stares at me, and I am unsure what to say.
“I’m sorry, Sunshine. I won’t call you that again if it’s too much. I’m sorry, it just slipped out.” She shakes her head, and her eyes fill with tears.
“It just…” Her voice trembles slightly. “It sounds too much like you care about me, Theo.”
A tear rolls silently down her cheek. I hate myself for causing it.
She quickly wipes it away, but another follows before she can stop it.
I place my lips on her wet cheek, kissing the salty tears away.
They taste of her fear, the fear I have caused.
She closes her eyes, and her head tilts towards my lips.
Her fingers trace the belt loop on my trousers, slipping lightly beneath my waistband.
I wipe the final tear from her cheek and savour the feeling of her wrapped in my arms. Her small frame fits perfectly against mine.
She has hardly said a word since I arrived.
She doesn’t need to. I know what I’m doing to her.
It’s written all over her face. I told her I was no good for her.
I warned her. It’s breaking me to know that I’m the causing her turmoil, but I can’t stay away. She knows it as much as I do.
“I do care, Elizabeth. I care so damn much.”
“Please don’t say it if you don’t mean it,” her voice is quiet, like she’s struggling to tell me how she feels.
“I mean it,” I whisper against her ear. After a brief moment, she looks up at me, rising on her toes, kissing me with such passion that it almost knocks me off my feet. It feels like fire rolling over my lips.
Slowly, one button at a time, she undoes my shirt, locking eyes with me as each one slips free.
Her hands stroke the bare skin on my chest, leaving a trail that longs to feel her touch again.
She lowers my shirt down my arms, dropping it to the floor and clinging onto my biceps.
My hands skim down her body to her waist, caressing her soft skin, my fingers gripping into her.
I’m feeling things I haven’t in years, and if she continues, I know I won’t be able to stop.
I place both my hands over hers, making her take a breath.
“Baby. Are you sure?” I ask, praying that she says yes.
She holds my gaze, causing a shiver to run down my spine as she takes a step back. Pulling on each end of her robe tie, she lets it fall open, showing me just how wonderful her body is, revealing every beautiful inch of her. My thoughts turn primal. I take a long, yearning look.
“Absolutely,” she replies, teasing me with her words.
With her long blonde hair cascading down towards her breasts, and the soft light around her, she looks like a goddess. And I feel, for the first time, that she is mine.
Delicately, I lower the robe off her shoulders, kissing them tenderly.
I spin her around so her back meets my chest. She arches away from me but presses her hips into my groin.
I groan into her ear as she rubs against my erection.
Slowly I kiss down her spine, relishing every part of her.
Her robe gets lower with each touch of my lips, revealing more and more of her soft skin.
My fingers splay on her neck, and she gasps, lifting her chin, extending her throat to make room for my lips. I can’t hide the effect she is having on me.
She closes her eyes and cherishes every touch, every kiss.
Her arm reaches back and she undoes the buckle of my belt, the sound of the zip slowly being pulled down fills the room.
Her hand slides down to touch me, and I take in a sharp breath as my erection twitches in her palm.
The slight touch of her on my hardness makes me unravel.
I spin her back to face me and with my hand still on her throat, guide her back against the wall, lifting her leg, slotting my body in between them.
Our tongues play games as we explore each other.
When I’m with her, the world outside fades, leaving just the two of us.
I need her to know that I would do anything to keep her. To protect her.
I grab a handful of her bum cheek and pick her up in one fast swoop, swinging her around. She wraps her legs around my waist and kisses my neck as I carry her into the bedroom.
“You’re a dream that I never want to wake up from, Sunshine.
” I place her on the bed and stand at the end of the bed, watching her.
She smiles at me and then holds her arms out, inviting me to crawl on top.
From this angle, she looks so innocent and pure.
I could stay like this until the end of time, appreciating every single freckle on her button nose.
“I’m going to ask one more time, Sunshine. Is this definitely what you want? The minute you say stop, I will.”
She places her hands on either side of my face, and her lips part. So damn beautiful.
“Do you not want this?” she asks. I’m not sure what would give her that idea, but dear God, I don’t deserve her.
“I’ve never wanted something as much as I want you, Elizabeth.” I reply as she pulls my face to hers.
In the quiet darkness of her bedroom, my fingers trace the curve of her jaw, tender yet possessive.
The weight of the world slipping away from us as our lips meet again, hungry and desperate.
She continues to undress me and melts into the bed, exploring the contours of my muscles, memorising every scar and line of my body.
Taking her time and driving me wild whilst she does it.
My eyes close, trying desperately to control my want.
Be gentle with her, I tell myself.
The fear, the secrecy, the impossible future all vanishes under the heat of our connection. We forget the outside world and devour each other. Her confusion disappears, and my complicated life fades away.
For a single heartbeat, I remember the mess that is waiting for me at home, but she quickly pulls me out of it with a slow touch along my back.
We’re falling.