Chapter 24
Elizabeth
He knocks on the door firmly, and Bear marches his little legs, barking as fiercely as he can muster.
I open the door already in my pyjamas, with my hair tied up and makeup removed.
I’m comfortable with James. I don’t feel like I have to make myself glamorous when he is around.
I can be myself unapologetically. My eyes are puffy from a day of crying, and my throat feels like it’s closing up.
He places the bag on the kitchen counter and turns to me with his arms open.
I hesitate, unsure what his touch will do to me.
I gradually step into them and, the moment his arms wrap around me, I fall into his embrace.
This is what I needed Theo to do for me, but he put his clothes on and left, breaking my heart as he did it.
He hadn’t comforted me, he hadn’t helped me through my pain, he hadn’t even touched me.
He just walked out the door, and I haven’t heard a word from him since. The silence presses on my chest.
I stay locked in James’s embrace for a long time, with my eyes closed, attempting to gain control of my breathing.
James doesn’t move. He knows that when I am ready, I will step back, and only then will he let go.
This hug is for me. When I do eventually step back, James doesn’t fill the silence with unnecessary words, he simply goes to the cabinet and fetches two plates ready to serve up the food.
“I’m not very hungry, James, so just a little bit for me, please.
” He hesitates before reluctantly nodding his head, placing just a few things on my plate.
We sit on the porch bench with dinner on our laps, enjoying each other’s company.
The quiet is comforting. There is no awkwardness to it.
My body feels like it’s slowly coming down from the constant flight mode I have been in for the past two days.
My heart rate is slowing, and my body is no longer vibrating with anxiety.
As the sky deepens and our plates empty, my hands start trembling slightly.
“Are you cold? Do you want me to get you a blanket?” James checks in.
I shake my head no.
“I really need to tell you something,” I begin, my voice barely a whisper.
James turns to me, concern flickering through his eyes. He cups my hands in his and sits waiting until I am ready to continue.
I will myself to tell him. To spit it out. Thoughts race around, swallowing my words. What if he is angry with me? Will he judge me for this? What if he leaves? I take a deep breath, gathering the courage that I need.
“It’s about Theo.” James’s brow furrows, but he remains silent, waiting.
“You were right. I’m pregnant, James. And it’s his.
” James doesn’t reply, but I can see that this is not new information for him.
He already knew. He squeezes my hands in support and listens.
“I’m so scared. Scared of what this means, scared that he’s left and won’t return.
He hasn’t contacted me since I told him. I’m scared for the baby.”
My words spill out in a rush, tears filling my eyes, threatening to fall. James pulls me close, wrapping his arms around me.
“Thank you for trusting me with that. I obviously don’t know how difficult this is for you, Elizabeth, but I promise I will always be here to listen.”
I bury my face in his chest, relief mingling with uncertainty.
“Why hasn’t he contacted me, James? He asked me if I was keeping it. I said yes, and he left.” James kisses the top of my head tenderly.
“Maybe he needs time to wrap his head around it. I’m not saying what he’s doing is right, but he’s probably processing.
You won’t lose me, Elizabeth. I’ll be here.
” There’s a pause in his words, and then he winks at me.
“And who better to be here for you and your baby than a paediatric doctor?” he teases.
I throw my head back at the irony and laugh through my tears.
“Why didn’t I fall in love with you, James Hunter?” He laughs and squeezes me tight.
“Sometimes I wish you had.” I stop, my stomach twisting into a knot. I feel him squirm beneath me and I wonder whether he had intended to reveal such a deep thought.
James stands and heads to the kitchen. He helps me clean up, both of us working in a silent rhythm around each other. Afterwards, he says goodnight and heads home.
The cottage is still; there’s just a slight whisper each time the wind blows past. The fire crackles gently, and I do nothing but stare at it.
I watch the flames flicker around the cherry wood and I think.
I think of all the things I need to do now…
on my own. A nursery, baby clothes, checkups, and everything in between.
In that single moment, I wish my parents were here.
I wish my mum was sitting next to me, holding my hand whilst my dad stokes the fire like he used to do when I was a little girl. I wish I could tell them.
My parents would have loved to have been grandparents. My mum would have taught the baby to bake cakes, and my dad would have read the fairytales that he used to read to me.
I make my way over to my grandma’s desk and, with a slight tremble in my hand, pull out my mum’s old locket. I open the gold clasp, inside is a picture of my father on one side and my mother on the other. I curl my fingers around the cold metal and make my way to bed.
With my parents in my hand, I have my first full sleep in weeks.