Chapter 25
Elizabeth
The smell of autumn drifts in through my bedroom window the next morning. It’s my favourite season. A time for comfort, the smell of people warming their homes with old log fires. It fills me with a sense of safety I’m craving right now.
Eager for fresh air, I quickly dress in leggings and a sweater, tie my hair into a ponytail, and leave the cottage with a slight hop in my step.
I have woken up with a weight off my shoulders.
I know I’ll be ok. I know that whatever is to come next will be great for me.
James reassured me of that last night before he left.
The walk is calming. My shoulders loosen, and I find confidence that I may have lost in the storm I’ve been living in.
But as I turn the corner back to my cottage, my steps falter.
Someone is sitting on my porch bench, bent over, head in his hands.
I take a sharp breath in when I realise it’s Theo.
Sat out in the open, with no sunglasses or cap.
No mask. There for everyone to see. I blink twice before really believing that it’s him.
My brief peace suddenly crashes down around me. I stop at the end of my path, debating whether to turn around. My head is telling me to run, but my heart pulls me towards him.
“What are you doing, Theo? Someone might see you!” I begin to panic, glancing left and right. I’m worried about him. I know how important it is for him to stay hidden.
He stands up from the bench, waiting for me to get closer to him, watching me approach.
“I’m done hiding now, Elizabeth. I should have figured this out a long time ago.
I’m so sick of worrying who is going to see me, what story is going to be printed next, that I am just done.
It is what it is. Who sees me, sees me.” I can see the resignation in his demeanour.
He really means it. My heart dances and my legs go weak with relief.
He is saying the words I once begged for, but it’s just too late.
“Do you want to go in and talk, or are you ok here?” I ask him. I don’t want to pressure him to stay outside, or pressure him to come in. He chooses the porch, which I’m not expecting, but it makes my heart warm. He’s finally finding his confidence to be who he really wants to be.
“I’m glad you came back to talk to me, Theo. When you left the other day, I thought that was it. I honestly didn’t think that I would see you again. It’s been one of my darkest times,” I admit.
“I just needed some time to think. I needed time to wrap my head around what you had just told me.” His voice is soft and gentle. His jaw stays clenched, his eyes filled with regret. I am just grateful that the conversation is continuing.
“I’m pregnant, Theo. It’s yours,” I feel the need to repeat it to him. To know that he truly hears it. I want to make sure he understands. He turns towards me, fear and exhaustion filling his features.
“You didn’t tell me, Elizabeth. I know you said you had only known a couple of days, but you could’ve told me.
I could have been there when you took the test. I would have held your hand through the process.
Held you. It hurts me that you didn’t trust me enough to let me in.
” For the first time, he is actually telling me how he truly feels.
He deserves the same from me. No running away now from either of us.
“I was scared, Theo. I needed time to figure out what it all meant. Time to feel what I was feeling. I know you don’t want more kids, and I thought…” He holds my hand on my lap, clutching onto me with a tenderness I have been craving from him. He runs his other hand through his hair.
“I don’t think I’m ready for this, if I’m honest with you, Elle.”
My gaze hardens. “I don’t know what you want from me, Theo.
This baby… this is real. I’m going to do it with or without you.
I really hope you choose with me, but if you don’t, it will be heartbreaking, but I will be ok.
Me and the baby will be ok.” The confidence and bravery that I found in my conversation with James last night steadies me.
I know what I want now and will fight to protect the little life growing inside of me.
The air freezes, thick with tension. Theo’s shoulders slump.
“Elizabeth, I have something to tell you too, and before I do, I need you to know that I love you. More than anything or anyone else in this world.”
I grow nervous, my heart pounding out of my chest.
“I want to choose you so badly, baby… I want to be with you and live my life with you, but Olivia being pregnant has tied me to her.” The wind has been knocked out of me. I don’t understand.
“You told me that Olivia’s baby isn’t yours? You told me you didn’t even sleep in the same room!” I question, anger growing within me. I feel so stupid for having trusted him for so long.
His head dips to his chest. The next words that come out of his mouth embarrass him; I can see it.
“It’s not mine, Sunshine. I promise you I wasn’t lying.
Olivia’s baby is not my baby. But I had a lawyer look into our prenup, and if I leave her, she gets everything.
Everything Elle. My money, the house… my son.
” His voice cracks as I squeeze his hand.
As much as it pains me to hear, I understand.
I just wish it were different. “Once her baby is born, I can prove it isn’t mine.
But that can’t happen until it’s here, and I need you to be patient for me.
I was an idiot to sign that agreement when we married, but back then it was just a business deal, and I never thought I would ever love a woman like I love you. ”
“I don’t want to argue with you, Theo. I’m tired of it.
I can’t even try to understand this. I’m carrying your baby, but you want to stay with a woman who is carrying another man’s baby.
You could have nothing, and my love for you wouldn’t change.
We can fight for your son.” He had said that he didn’t care who saw him here, yet he still cares enough that he won’t leave his wife to be with me. It feels like an excuse.
“I’m not walking away, baby. I swear I’m not.
I am not choosing her. I’m trying not to lose my son.
I just need time so I can fix this mess.
” His tone is begging, and I watch as tears build in his eyes, ready to roll down his cheeks.
He has never cried in front of me before.
And somehow it comforts me. Proof that he really does care.
I stand up from the bench and walk towards my front door. I can feel him following close behind me. I need to go into the house without him coming in.
Just before I close the door, he catches it with his foot. I open it slightly, just enough for him to say what he needs to say.
“You’re everything I want, Elizabeth. I can’t lose you. My biggest fear in this whole thing is that I am going to lose you for good. That one day I am going to get this mess figured out, but it will already be too late.” I look at his eyes, filled with unshed tears.
“Then I suggest you figure it out, Theo.” And with that, I close the door on him.