Chapter 32
Elizabeth
A nurse walks into my room with a smile and discharge papers in her hand.
“You’re all ready to go home, Elizabeth. Baby is stable, but you need to rest now. With a partner like Dr. Hunter, I’m sure you’ll be just fine.” She pats him on the arm and winks in my direction. His body tenses, a flicker of hurt passing through his eyes.
“She’s just a friend, Lucy. I’m not having a baby.” He softens his tone with the next words. “My babies are on the ward down the hallway.” Lucy looks awkward, realising that she just put her foot in it.
James slowly packs my bag, collects my coat, and helps me get dressed, steadying me as I stand. I’m weak, fragile, and grateful for the assistance. As he kneels to slip my shoes on, I take a breath, tapping the bed beside me.
“Hey, James… come sit a moment.” His eyes sweep up as he rises to sit next to me. I place my hand gently on his leg. “Just because you’re not Nellie’s blood relative doesn’t mean that you won’t have a huge part in her life. I want you to know that.” He taps my hand and lowers his gaze.
“You ready?” he asks. The fact that he doesn’t reply makes me think that he doesn’t believe me. He pulls the wheelchair closer to me, and I lower myself down into it, silently saying goodbye to the room as he wheels me away. He opens the passenger door to the car and gently helps me inside.
“Let’s go home,” I say.
The drive is quiet, I’m too exhausted to speak. I rest my eyes for the entire journey. James supports me as I walk through the front door and gently instructs me to lie down while he makes me tea. I hear him turn the tap on to fill the kettle. The familiar sounds and smells of my home calming me.
I send Theo a message telling him I am back home, place my phone on the bedside table and close my eyes.
James brings me tea to bed, and he sits at my bedside watching me. I can tell he is scared to leave. It’s etched into every line of his face.
“I didn’t want to leave you for too long yesterday.
I got a drink, asked the doctor for an update, and then stood outside the door in case you needed me.
” He admits. I know he won’t leave me if I need him here.
My body suddenly tenses, and my palms begin to sweat.
Tears stream from my eyes, and I’m unsure why. Exhaustion maybe, uncertainty, fear.
“I am so scared of coming back to this house alone, without her.” I am sobbing, great big chest rattling sobs.
He takes my mug of tea from my hand and gently settles it on the bedside table.
“Lying in that hospital bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about what might happen if I didn’t come home.
” He holds me close without saying a word.
I know he was scared, too. The journey of the ambulance felt like a lifetime to him.
Those ten minutes were the longest ten minutes he had ever experienced.
He spent the whole time pacing the hospital floor from the moment the ambulance pulled out to the moment it came back.
He holds me tight, not letting go until the sobs settle.
“Get some rest, Elizabeth. You’re going to need a lot of it now.” James taps his fingers on my hand and gets up to leave. As he reaches the door, I call him back.
“I meant what I said at the hospital. You didn’t answer me, and I think it’s because you don’t believe me, and that’s ok. Whether Theo comes back into my life or not, you’re stuck with me, forever.” He lightly chuckles and steps out of the room.
Outside, the sea moves gently, as though it knows I need calm.
It moves like a slow, heavy breath crashing over the sand.
Inhaling. Exhaling. I listen from my bed, allowing myself to rest. Bear lets out a soft whine from beside my bed.
I tap the spot next to me, and he jumps up, circling round to find the perfect spot, then settling himself with his head on my stomach.
When I wake from my nap, the cottage is filled with delicious smells from the kitchen.
James has started dinner, and my stomach grumbles.
I sit up in bed and grab my notebook from my bedside, taking a moment for myself before leaving my bed.
I write about the fear that’s still coursing through me from yesterday, about losing everything I have.
How I may not survive this next chapter in my life.
How my hope of Theo returning feels too premature.
My phone lights up and my heart jumps, hoping that it’s him. My heart crashes down the moment I realise that it’s not.
James: Dinner is ready, but don’t rush. If you need some more time or you’re not hungry just yet, I can keep it warm.
I smile softly, but my heart aches from the lack of messages from Theo. James’ care and love is beautiful, but he does not replace the ache I have. I thought Theo would at least reply to me. Surely, he owes me that.
In my quiet moment, I think of him. All the things we didn’t say in the hospital room. The flash in Theo’s eyes when James returned. The tension crackling between them was like electricity before a storm.
I head into the kitchen, watching James move with the ease of someone who belongs here. He hums softly as he moves around.
“Hey, have you been resting?” he asks, still pottering about in the kitchen.
“I definitely did; I slept and even wrote a few pages in my notebook.” He smiles at my answer.
“You look a lot brighter. You have some colour back in your cheeks.” He holds his hand out to me, “come sit with me a while. Dinner can wait a little longer.” I take his hand and let him lead me out to the garden.
We sit watching the ocean move under the setting of the sun.
James gently places a blanket around me, wrapping me up.
I can smell the cold air. The snow has already melted, but the cold breeze still lingers in the air, chilling the tips of my ears.
“You didn’t have to stay with me in the hospital room. If I had needed you to come back, I would’ve told you. You had patients to care for, James.” He smiles.
“I wasn’t going to leave you there on your own.
I wanted to be sure you were safe.” He reaches for my hand, and I give it to him.
We sit in silence, holding hands and watching the sky change colour.
“Elizabeth, I want you to know that I believe you when you say that I will be a big part of Nellie’s life.
It’s just painful knowing I’m not the man you’ll grow old with.
And that’s ok. Like I said to you before, I love you enough that all I want for you is love and happiness. ”
The wind howls around us. I pull my blanket tighter around my shoulders as my brain tries to take in the words James just said.
“James, I’m really pleased that it was you who split the croissant with me that morning on the beach.” He chuckles, but it catches in his throat.
“Yeah? I was so nervous. I thought it was stupid, but I didn’t know what else to do. You looked like you needed something good.”
“I did,” I reply quietly, “and you were my something good.” The silence between us hums with meaning. No tension. No expectation. Just warmth.
James glances sideways, a small smirk teasing his mouth.
“You know I’m not great at serious declarations.”
“That’s ok,” I murmur. “I don’t need one. I’ve had enough declarations from Theo to last me a lifetime.”
James leans in and his lips lightly brush my temple. The touch is comforting, not electric but steady. Right at this moment, steady is enough.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers.