Chapter 33
Elizabeth
“I’m going to dish you up some dinner.” James gently moves from underneath the weight of my head and makes his way inside. Slowly, I gather the blanket and get up from my seat. As I move, my phone buzzes.
Theo: Hey sunshine. I assumed you were resting, so I didn’t knock. I didn’t want to risk waking you. I have to fly out to LA early in the morning and won’t be back for a couple of weeks. If anything happens, please tell me.
I have left a gift at your door.
Yours forever
My heart beats out of my chest, and Nellie does backflips, kicking inside, hard against my ribs. I rest my hand over my stomach and breathe, trying to settle both of us.
“I know, baby girl. Daddy’s coming back to us.” Guilt settles over me for my earlier thought. He didn’t break his promise at all; he just didn’t knock.
I make my way through the kitchen towards the front door, with a fresh wave of hope rising inside me.
I secretly pray that this is it. That he isn’t going to let me down anymore, but there’s a little niggle in the back of my mind telling me to be careful.
I brush it away, stepping into the warmth of the cottage.
“Where are you going?” James asks, panic tight in his voice. I turn to answer him, walking backwards, unable to stop to speak.
“Theo has left me something at the front door. He must have come while we were sitting out the back.” James watches from the stove as I open the door, anticipation building within me.
I am unable to control the gasp that releases from my lips when I’m greeted by a large bouquet of bright red roses, just like the ones he gave me on my birthday.
I pick them up, the weight of them surprising me.
Beneath them is the cream dress bag, along with the blue suede box, keeping my diamond necklace safe.
My heart flutters with the memory of his hands on the necklace as he placed it around my neck in the Savoy hotel room.
“Here, let me help.” James picks up the dress bag, resting it gently in the crook of his arm, whilst I stand just frozen, staring at the roses.
I close my eyes and breathe in the scent of the petals, filling my senses with the memories of London.
There are questions on the tip of James’ tongue, but he doesn’t ask.
He can see on my face that there is a heavy meaning behind it all.
This isn’t just a gesture. It’s history.
He places his arm around my shoulders and guides me back into the house, closing the door with a soft click, secretly wishing that Theodore Masters didn’t keep showing up.
That night, James stays beside me, talking quietly, keeping me company and making sure I’m not alone. I roll to face him.
“James… can I tell you a secret?” I ask.
He silently nods. “I am so confused,” I whisper.
“I feel so safe with you. You’re just… there.
Every time I feel like I can’t breathe, you’re there.
” He offers me a small, sad smile. There is a moment of silence that stretches between us before he finally asks.
“Why are you confused about that?” I don’t answer him. My words lodge in my throat. The fear of hurting him freezes my tongue. I roll over onto my back and stare at the ceiling, tracing small circles over my belly.
“He is going to come back, James,” I finally breath. Disappointment shadows his features. He tries to hide it, but I feel it anyway.
“When I picked up that bunch of roses… I could feel it. I know I’ve said it before, and I know I have put too much faith in him before, but he came back today.
” The silence vibrates through the bedroom, the darkness filling the space between us.
“Do you think I’m stupid, James? Be honest with me, please. ”
James takes a moment to compose his emotions. He doesn’t want me sensing his heartache, but it’s too late. It’s heavy in the room.
“No, Elizabeth, I don’t think you’re stupid.
I think you need to take some time to think about the life you want and whether Theo can give that to you and your baby.
Will he be there to support you and hold you up when you need it?
You clearly both love each other. I saw it when he sat with you in the hospital room.
He cares for you, but I think he is just as confused as you are.
” His honesty softens something inside of me.
I move closer, snuggling into him.
We eventually fall asleep, still side by side.
I dream about both Theo and James that night. A dream of conflicting emotions, confusion and desire.
I wake at 3:00am with a shock, my whole body shaking. There’s no pain, just a sudden panic. I’m slightly disoriented and my heart is pounding in my chest. My back is dripping with sweat, so I climb out of bed and change my top.
It feels as though the world has just tilted on its axis.
I slip back into bed and turn my head to see James quietly snoring beside me.
The unease is strong, but I can’t pinpoint the reason.
I’m unsure what woke me. Fear, instinct…
our daughter? Something inside me is screaming a warning, yet the cottage is silent.
My heart won’t settle, each beat of my chest loud, too hard.
I rest one hand on my stomach and the other on my chest, breathing through the tension.
“It’s ok,” I whisper to myself, but it doesn’t convince me or get rid of the vibrations running through my body.
Eventually, stroking my belly as a comfort, I drift back off to sleep.