Chapter 45
The manor is buzzing with activity, a hum in the air that feels like it has been missing since last year.
Sounds carry from every corner of the house.
Theo’s PR team are just finishing up with their meeting about the new album, and I am making the last-minute packing arrangements.
We are heading off to Paris tomorrow for a long weekend trip, before Theo’s work schedule explodes, taking him around the world.
The thought of him leaving sends something cold along my spine, but we have plans that I will meet him at parts of his tour, making sure we never spend longer than two weeks apart.
Any more than that and I’m not sure I’d cope.
Whilst my house is being filled with magnificent smells and sounds, I need to take a moment in the fresh air.
I throw my coat on and step into my Wellington boots.
I don’t need to call Bear; he is already right beside me.
Since Nellie’s death, his protective nature has grown.
It’s like he knows I need him more than I ever have.
I step out into the fresh air, and the wind catches my breath.
I hadn’t realised just how cold it truly is outside.
I pull my coat closed, and Bear and I head out for our walk.
Off in the distance, I see the tree. The tree that Theo and I planted in memory of Nellie. As I grow closer, I notice the daffodil bulbs that are sprouting from the ground around it.
I rub my hand gently over the rough bark of the tree and clean some of the dirt from the little gold plaque, the metal cold beneath my fingers.
Fiona and Kitty had handed me the engraved plaque the week after Nellie’s funeral.
They had originally purchased it as a baby shower gift.
Although the baby shower never happened, they still wanted Nellie to have a mark in our home.
I sit under the tree for a few moments, enjoying the peace, thinking about how much the last year has changed.
How I have changed. How the world no longer feels simple.
Bear sits on my lap as we let the cold air wrap around us. I stay there until I feel gentle drops of rain on my skin, telling me it’s time to head back home. Every step towards my home is a step towards my safe space.
When I get back to the manor, the chef is preparing a beautiful three-course meal for when James gets here for dinner.
Before we leave for the weekend, we have a very important night planned.
James is bringing his new girlfriend around to meet us.
When James told me about his new partner, Sophie, I was thrilled for him.
My heart swelled knowing that James’s happy ending is on the horizon. He deserves every single moment of it.
I look at the clock and notice that there are only ten minutes before James turns up, and he is always early, which means, technically, we only have five.
I knock on the office door where I can hear hushed voices.
I poke my head in and the voices fall silent, every eye turning their focus on me, curious or wary.
I embarrassingly wave as I search the crowd of suits, looking for him.
He is looking right at me with his gorgeous blue eyes and the smile that gets me every time.
“You need to wrap this up, Theo. James will be here any moment.” I try to make my voice carry across the room, but I feel intimidated by all the men in suits staring at me. I can feel my neck flush.
“Ok guys,” Theo claps his hands onto his legs and stands, “time for you lot to leave me alone for the weekend.” With that, nine men stand up from the table and head towards the door. I move out of the way and make my way towards Theo.
“Ready for our trip?” He asks as he takes me by the hips, lifting me onto the desk in front of him. I squeal and bite my bottom lip.
“Not even close. I still have so much to d—” He kisses my neck, stopping my words from forming, making me wriggle underneath him.
I giggle just the way he loves, which only makes him kiss me more, heading down towards my chest. His breath is warm, and his stubble tickles my skin.
I roll my head back, lifting my hips towards him.
“Theo, stop. James will be here soon.” His teeth nip at my ear, and I let out a moan.
“Do not make me flush before someone arrives for dinner.” He laughs and lifts me off the desk.
As I pull myself back together and turn to walk out, he slaps my bum, following behind me like a lost puppy.
The sound echoes around the room, and I turn my head as I walk to give him a wink.
It once felt like these moments would never happen again. For months, grief filled this house. Every space full of sadness, and then gradually, with every day that passed, the tears became less, and the laughs grew again.
Two minutes later, the front door opens, and in walks James, holding Sophie’s hand. I greet her with a hug, and she hands me a bottle of wine and a bouquet of beautiful flowers. I take the flowers as Theo takes the wine.
“It’s so lovely to meet you, Sophie. James has told me so much about you.
” I take hold of her hand and give it a gentle squeeze to reassure her that she is ok.
Her brown eyes are wide, her voice is soft, and I can’t stop looking at her stunning, rich brown hair that flows down her back.
Theo shakes James’s hand, and they both go to the kitchen to grab a glass of bourbon together.
****
Theo
James and I enter the kitchen, and I grab two wine glasses for the ladies and two crystal lowball glasses for us.
I watch as Elizabeth moves with a confidence I haven’t seen in her in such a long time.
I can’t help the smile that develops across my lips.
Our eyes connect, and she winks at me as she takes the bottle of wine and glasses to the living room, leaving me and James on our own.
The ice clinks in the glass as I hand one to James. We cheers and the bourbon burns in the back of my throat as it works its way down.
“How is she?” James asks, nodding in Elizabeth’s direction. I see her standing with Sophie in the hallway, touching the petals on the bouquet, chatting happily away. I’m so unbelievably proud of her.
“She is better… so much better, actually. More than I ever could have hoped, if I’m honest, James.
She has her bad days, but they come less often than they used to.
” He nods and takes another sip of his drink.
“She’s writing again.” I say it like it’s a secret, but the secret is that the day she opened her notebook and sat down at her grandmother’s antique desk, I had to leave the room as tears filled my eyes.
It felt like a piece of my Elizabeth was coming back.
The chef calls us into the dining room, and we talk and laugh, eating good food and enjoying each other’s company. The house feels like it’s vibrating with happiness and love.
“Shall we head to the living room?” I ask once the food is finished.
I’m feeling playful, perhaps it’s too much bourbon, but I lower myself onto my stool at the piano and place my glass on top of the mirror-black lacquer.
Elizabeth stands next to me, her eyebrows knitted together, a smile spread across her lips.
I smile back and play the first few notes of Sunshine Rising.
Her eyes go wide and she gives me a slight shake of head, warning me not to play our version to anyone else.
I fade the notes into something else. Something that doesn’t really exist. I just play, feeling the music beneath my fingers.
The notes fill the room, and James and Sophie curl up on the sofa in front of the fireplace, watching me play. Elizabeth sits next to me like she always does and rests her hand on my knee, the touch tender and sends longing through my body.
At midnight, James and Sophie begin their goodbyes. Elizabeth embraces Sophie, while James and I shake hands. He is stumbling a little, and when he hugs Elizabeth, he pulls me into him too.
“Have the best time in Paris, you guys. It’s the city of love, don’t forget.” He winks at me as he kisses Elizabeth on the head. The front door closes and I hold Elizabeth in my arms, breathing in her floral scent. Her eyelids are heavy, and I can see she’s tired.
“What was that about?” she asks.
“He’s drunk. Who knows?” I brush her hair from her face and tip her chin with my finger. I lower my head to touch her lips to mine, the mix of wine and bourbon filling my senses.
That night she sleeps tucked in my arms, the warmth of her body tight against my chest, and the world feels right again.