Chapter Twenty-Three #2
As I strode forward, hand extended and smiling, I realized that as eager as I was to bed Diaya and get back at Jucai, he didn’t arouse me.
Even thinking about Diaya biting me didn't thrill me.
What the actual fuck? It had to be Jucai's betrayal. It had thrown me into a dark place, leaving me feeling vulnerable and confused. Of course, Diaya didn’t arouse me.
I was too angry for anyone to arouse me.
“Thank you for coming.” I shook Diaya's hand. “Ah, I see they've brought some refreshments. Wonderful. Shall we?” I sat down beside him.
“Yes, of course.” He poured me a cup of mint tea. “The men I sent to the docks returned. They all brought back the same information. The ship is called the Howl, and it left port two days ago.”
“Right before the attack on the Blue Heron.” I placed a few small cakes on my plate.
“Yes. Unfortunately, no one knows where they're headed. They kept quiet, which is even more damning. Sailors love to gossip.”
“They could be anywhere.” I leaned back with a sigh and sipped my tea.
“Indeed. I've alerted the harbormaster. When the Howl makes port again, we'll be ready.”
“If it returns.”
“I can send word to other ports nearby, but that will take a while.”
“All right, please do that. It sounds like our only option.”
“For now. But sailors talk. I'll keep my spies alert for any talk of the Howl.”
“Thank you. I'll probably be heading back to Ilshi in the morning.”
“So soon?” He slid his arm further down the back of the couch to rub my shoulder. “Then we'd best make use of the night.”
I agreed, but my body didn't. Diaya's touch didn't arouse me, and I knew that nothing he did would.
Not until I finished things with Jucai. Yes, that was my problem.
Jucai may have broken one of our rules, but until he actually slept with Yevena, I couldn't bring myself to retaliate.
It felt premature. Or maybe I was hoping that I was mistaken, and Jucai would come bursting into the room demanding that I pleasure him immediately. Ugh! What was wrong with me?
Despite my inner turmoil, I smiled at Diaya and let him down nicely. “I told you, I can't just yet. When I return, though, I'd love to spend some time with you.”
“Your sea king isn't here. Why don't you give me a little taste to hold me over?” Diaya leaned in.
I leaned back as if someone had yanked me. “I'm sorry, but I have an agreement with King Jucai.”
“An agreement? What do you mean?” He settled back.
“We are being monogamous until our time together ends.”
Diaya's eyebrows went up. “I hope you don't expect that from all your lovers.”
“Not at all. It's complicated.”
“Is it? How fascinating.” Diaya looked me over. “Could he be your mate?”
“What? No.”
“Why such a quick denial?”
“I can't mate a Sea Dragon, especially not a king.”
“From what I've heard, you can mate anyone.”
“What I mean is, we wouldn't be a good match. He wouldn't be able to leave the sea to live on land, and I couldn't live underwater. I'd barely see the sun.”
“And you are glorious in the sun, my lord.”
“Am I?” I chuckled. “My dark hair absorbs the light. Your hair, however, sparkles in the sun.”
“I didn't say that you shone. I said you were glorious.”
“Yes, and I should have said thank you. That was a lovely compliment. So, thank you, Diaya.”
Smiling, Diaya bent his head and stood. “I think I'd best take my leave before I embarrass myself and beg you to reconsider.”
I stood and took his hand. “This isn't a rejection, just a delay.”
“Then I will wait.” He squeezed my hand and left.
An ache took hold of my chest as I watched Diaya walk away.
An ache with a heart of panic. Even after what I'd seen, I remained faithful to Jucai.
It was starting to feel like a real commitment—a lasting one, not a temporary one.
I should end our relationship, but I knew I wouldn't. Something in me froze at the idea.
Yes, aching panic with a touch of paralysis.
That's what leaving Jucai made me feel. Which made me even more afraid.
Shaking my head, I left the room, but I didn't return to my meal. Pretending to be fine while I watched Jucai flirt with a woman whom I had introduced him to was not conducive to eating. I'd do better dining in my room.
On my way to my wing of the castle—far from the royal guest rooms—I stopped a passing servant and asked them to have the kitchen send a plate up to my room.
The further I got from Jucai, the more the ache increased.
Which meant I needed to get as far away as possible.
Maybe if I went far enough, I'd stop craving him.
But even after locking my suite door and retreating to the balcony, I couldn't escape the Sea King.
Standing in the silver moonlight, I looked down at my hands.
They were trembling. Scared and furious, I clenched them into fists.
I wouldn't let another person dictate my behavior or play with my emotions.
This was precisely why I didn't want to find my mate.
Once mated, your happiness became contingent on theirs.
And there was no escaping your mate once you found them. They—
“No escaping,” I whispered and looked over my shoulder, through the suite, to the main door.
I had fled, run from Jucai, because I didn't enjoy seeing him flirt with another person. When he raged at me about Lahi and Diaya, I had thought him overly possessive. But wasn’t I doing the same thing?
No, no, it wasn't the same. I was upset because he had promised not to.
This was about him breaking his word. He said he flirted only to seduce.
So, it wasn't really the flirting that had me furious.
It was what the flirting meant and where it would lead.
“Dear Gods.” I crumpled, folding to the floor to brace my back against the stone railing.
Diaya's words came back to me. “Could he be your mate?”
“No,” I said.
“Why such a quick denial?”
“Shut up, Diaya!” I shouted at the moon since Diaya wasn't there. “Fuck, I'm losing my mind.”
A knock came at the door, and I flinched. At first, I thought Jucai had found me, and I considered ignoring the knock. But then I remembered that I'd ordered dinner. I got up and went to the door. Of course, it wasn't Jucai. He was busy seducing a woman.
“Who's there?” I called, just in case.
“I have your dinner plate, Lord Nadar.”
I opened the door and smiled at the boy. “Sorry, I'm trying to avoid someone.”
“Oh.” He chuckled and handed me a tray with a covered plate, a water carafe, utensils, and an empty glass. “I understand. I've been trying to avoid one of the serving girls to no avail.” He shook his head. “She's relentless.”
“As is my pursuer.” In my head, I tacked on, “usually.”
“Good luck, my lord.”
“Thank you. Good luck to you.” I took the tray and closed the door with my foot. Despite resigning myself to the fact that my sea king was wooing a woman, anxiety raced up my spine. I put the tray down on a nearby table and hurried back to lock the door.
As soon as it was locked, I felt a ridiculous sense of relief.
Shaking my head at myself, I took the tray to my little dining table and sat down.
Why was I so worried? Wouldn't it be better if Jucai came looking for me?
Or would it? No, I didn't want to face him yet.
If he came to me to end things, I would be humiliated.
If he came to apologize, we'd probably get into a fight.
But if he didn't come at all, I'd know for certain that he had betrayed me.
So, no matter what happened, it would be better for us to wait until morning to speak.
With that decided, I felt well enough to eat. Removing the dome over my dinner plate released a cloud of mouth-watering aromas. I knew the food would be delicious, but I couldn't help comparing it to the beautiful dishes I'd eaten in Kansu.
“Who cares what it looks like,” I told myself. “Besides, how much seafood can you eat before you get sick of it?”
I took a bite and groaned. Simmered in a clay pot with apricots and dates, the chicken was tender and sweet.
It lay on a bed of boiled and spiced grains spotted with raisins.
It didn’t look beautiful, but it tasted amazing.
I poured a glass of water, took a sip, and returned to eating.
I did not think about Jucai. Much. Not until I finished the meal and headed into the bathroom.
The court would doubtless still be in the dining hall, enjoying sweet pastries and mint tea while they were entertained by dancers and acrobats. King Saric loved to host visitors, and Jucai was a potential ally and trade partner. That meant extra extravagance.
As I undressed and ran my bathwater, I thought of Diaya. Perhaps I should have gone home with him. It would have put an end to whatever was happening with Jucai. It might also have enraged the Sea King enough to end trade talks before they began. No, I had to see this through.
Submerged in hot water, my tension ebbed, and I could think more clearly.
I slid deeper into the bathtub and then went underwater.
My hearing dulled and went hollow. The world slipped away.
When air became an issue, I rose, bringing only my face out of the water.
With my ears still submerged, I could breathe and enjoy the silence.
A pounding came, loud enough to echo through the water. I frowned and sat up. Someone was knocking on my suite door.
“Lord Nadar,” came a familiar voice. “His Majesty wishes to see you.”
That ache in my chest hardened and sank. In none of my imagined scenarios for the night had Jucai sent his guard to fetch me.
Like one of his slaves.
Grimacing, I closed my eyes and slid back under the water.