Chapter 9 September 2031
Yellow by Kina Grannis
Asher
“Do you want me to take him?” Damien, Hailey’s brother, asks, and I shake my head. He hands me a beer, the bottle cooling my hands, and sits across from me.
“You’ve been holding him for hours. If my mom sees, she’ll say you’ll spoil him.
” We clink our bottles and stay in comfortable silence.
I’ve been here for a week now, but I need to go back soon.
In two days, to be exact. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go back to the cold and leave the warmth that is being with her family.
Hailey is like the glue of her family. I’ve deduced that fact through the years getting to know her, but nothing could’ve prepared me to see it in action.
Everyone sticks to her like the sausage gravy her dad made that went cold.
They’re one big unit with plenty of things that make them unique, but like vines, their lives intertwine.
It’s beautiful to watch and incredibly heart wrenching. It’s unfortunate so many children grow up with no clue that love like this can exist. It’s unfortunate I didn’t know these types of families existed beyond movies.
Until now.
I’m so glad she didn’t stay in Alaska. I’m so glad she knew her heart and body needed to be here, near her family. I’ve missed her so much, I would’ve been selfish and ask her to stay if I didn’t know this is what’s best for her. For them.
“Love doesn’t spoil a child.” My reply is sharp; I’m so overwhelmed with emotion, I don’t know what else to do. In two days, I have to say goodbye to Cash, this sweet baby who keeps waking us up every ten minutes.
Goodbye to quiet breakfasts with him latched to his mom’s breast.
Goodbye to laughter and warm meals brought by Hailey’s siblings or parents, dad jokes from her father while we were in the hospital for the never-ending labor.
I have to ask her why she never told me she had a built-in dad joke factory right at her house when I was trying so hard to make her smile with mine.
“I know we don’t know each other well, but are you okay?” Damian wipes the sweat off his forehead, and I smile bittersweetly.
The soft groan from the little bundle of joy getting restless in my arms suddenly makes everything clear. I know what I need to do. The thought settles as I watch a cardinal flying through the bright green grass, landing quietly on the paved porch.
I nod. “Yeah, I’m just in love.”
His laughter could go a mile as his smile reaches his eyes. “We are all well aware how in love with Hailey you are.”
I’m glad they can tell, because I don’t want them to have any doubts how I feel about their sister.
How do I tell him I'm in love with this whole thing, though? With the way this family operates, the way this baby is filling holes in my heart I didn’t know existed. With the idea of having a family like this one day, so full of love, companionship, and laughter. I want this.
“I’m glad.” They’re the only words I’m able to say when Cash’s broken cry breaks free. “That’s my cue.” Damien nods, and I rest the untouched beer on the table and head to find this kid’s nipples.
I knock on the door, careful not to startle him and clutching him close to my chest. I’ve got you buddy. Always.
“Come in!” Hailey announces. “There he is. I was wondering where you’d taken him.”
A week postpartum, and I’m in awe of this woman, especially as she effortlessly takes Cash from my arms and latches him on.
She’s breathtaking.
She walks to the rocking chair that once belonged to her mother. Each sister used it, and now, it’s her turn.
This is what every baby should have. Parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts, all who grew up in loved homes.
In homes where children, their children, are wanted, loved, and cherished, not just tolerated.
What a joy it is to witness it first hand, and it puts me even more at peace with my decision to go no contact with my parents.
Cash will never know the feeling that became my normal all my life, and I’m fine with that. I rather be a great dad and husband, not a son who searches validation from people who don’t deserve it.
I know what I have to do.
I know what I want to do.
The only sounds are Cash’s little grunts as he feeds and my heart thumping loud in my chest. I get the undeniable urge to just tell her my plans, but I don’t, not until I can figure out if I can pull it off.
I need to find a way of living here, with them, surrounded by this joy—even if I have to find a different passion at work.
So many things can fulfill my career, but nothing compares to the feeling of belonging I have here.
“What?” Hailey asks looking up at me, a grin spreading across her face to match mine.
My fingers brush across her hair as I dip to kiss the top of her head. I linger longer than usual and take it all in.
Yup, no doubt in my mind.
This is where I belong. Maybe if I’m here, I can take some of the load off Hailey’s shoulders.
Months ago, I knew they were my peace, but this is the reminder I needed.
They’re my life.