Chapter Twenty Seven
Caroline
“What is this?”
It takes me a moment to crack my eyes open and put a face to the voice I’m hearing. I’m so tired and trying to put the pieces together of why Reid is standing in the doorway to my room right now. I glance down to his hands, to see what his eyes are fixed on.
Oh no. No no no, shit.
“It’s nothing. Where did you find that and why are you going through my stuff?” I blurt out, defensively.
“I wasn’t going through anything, I just came to find a phone charger now that the power’s back on and this was on the floor.” He looks at me, dropping his defense with sorrowful eyes. “Caroline, you know you can’t take this right?”
“Ugh yes, I know. But it’s not like I exactly have an option now, do I?
Maybe mind your own business and let me make decisions for myself for once.
” I stand up and snatch the check out of his hand before burying myself back in bed with the piece of paper.
I must have left it out when I went to pick him up last night.
“I’m not making any decisions for you. Nor will I judge what you have to do. But I am making you aware of your options. And I’m going to tell you right now that you have a lot more of them than you might think.” He’s crossing the room now and sits at the end of the bed.
“Caroline, this isn’t help. This is control.
You know that, right?” He continues on without an answer.
“This piece of paper means a lot more than the money.” He pauses and looks down at the envelope again before his gaze comes back up to me.
“But shit… it is a lot of money.” At least we can both agree on that.
“Yeah it is and I have more than just myself to think about now.” Deflecting, I turn away from him and wrap myself in the comforter.
“You don’t have to disappear to be okay.
You don’t have to do this alone and you don’t have to figure it all out right now.
” He ran his fingers through his hair, then continued.
“But you are someone that I want around and I want you to open your eyes to what life could be like here for you. If you really let go of your fears and start over for yourself. Stop worrying about what everyone else wants you to do and ask yourself what you want your future to look like.” I’m not sure I’ve ever heard Reid say this many words consecutively.
I can feel myself shutting down. The internal battle of defending myself and overexplaining my every thought to get someone to understand my side of things or why I make certain decisions.
But I’m letting go of that people-pleasing side of me.
I owe no one my peace. Sharing more than what I’m ready to will only cause me anxiety in the future, when I overanalyze everything I’ve already expressed.
“I really don’t want to talk about this right now. I’m sorry, I appreciate your concern and input but can you please just keep this between us? I haven’t told anyone and I haven’t decided anything. It’s just been too much.” I back down, hoping he drops this.
He backs up, standing up from the bed now. “Of course. No pressure, your secret is safe with me. Take your time, I’ll go start some coffee and we can go pick up my car.”
I’m happy that he let it go, but I almost wish he had pushed for more. It’s like he brings out answers from inside of me that I’m too afraid to answer myself. Somehow, his criticism is actually helpful.