Chapter Twenty Six
Reid
I wave Carter off with the blonde he found at Hard Rock and head on down to the front doors. I see Cara’s sleek black Lexus pull up to the sidewalk and I hop in the passenger seat, as she turns down the radio.
“Welcome in, sorry it’s a little messy in here.” She gestures to about two small items on the floorboard.
“Sorry? It still smells like a new leather car in here. I should be the one apologizing. Thanks so much for coming to save me.” I buckle the seatbelt and sit back.
“Oh it’s fine, I was honestly getting bored at home alone. At least you got me out of the house for a little drive. Besides, I can grab the Taco Bell I was craving on the way home now.” She says with a grin.
I’m glad she hasn’t lost her love for cheap Mexican food. Maybe she’s in there underneath all of those designer brands and hasn’t changed too much after all.
“You know, now that you say it… A cheesy gordita crunch is sounding real good right about now.” I express, melting further into my heated seat. Man, this car is comfortable.
“Might help soak up all that alcohol in your system,” she scoffs.
“Hey, it wasn’t that much. I just drink so rarely now, I’m getting too old to keep up.” I let her know, hoping she believes me because I honestly would probably be at home also doing nothing if it weren’t for Carter always wanting to go out.
She laughed, “Okay, okay Taco Bell on the way home it is.” Caroline smiles, seeming to be in a better mood tonight than I’ve seen her in the past few months.
She turns the stereo back on to blast My Chemical Romance from her phone and we effortlessly fall into a rhythm of jamming out together. You wouldn’t tell by looking at her now, but this girl has always had a love for early 2000s emo music and I am once again glad she hasn’t lost that side of her.
Pulling up to the drive thru speaker with ‘Teenagers’ still playing in the background, Caroline orders enough food for a frat house and of course a large Baja Blast for each of us. We are cracking up about old teenage memories of us sneaking out, as we pull up to the window.
A sobering feeling hits me like a wall. A yearning for a past time.
But it feels like something more. Like a moment when you get older and take a step back to realize that you’re in the good old days.
Despite the distance and time that has passed, she still feels like home.
We are right back to where we left off, like nothing ever happened.
I haven’t genuinely smiled this much for felt as free as I do tonight, in a really long time.
“Wanna just come hang out with Bailey and I for a bit and then I can take you home? I’d rather not have you eating messy tacos in my car or trying to divide this bag out in your driveway.” She says, handing me the bag of food as she pulls out of the parking lot.
Is it truly more convenient or is she trying to spend more time with me? Either way, I’m taking the bait.
“Yeah that works, I’m not in any hurry.”
∞∞∞
We walk in and plop on the couch, spreading the contents of the Taco Bell bag across the coffee table and turning on Impractical Jokers. Life is easy and time is passing by quickly, as we eat and laugh. Before we know it, it’s after midnight and we’re full and tired.
I’m about to offer to walk home so that she can go to bed, but suddenly thunder rolls in and the bottom of the clouds fall out in a downpour. Cracking the front door open, I step out onto the wrap-around porch to listen to the rain and Caroline follows behind me.
We quietly observe the peaceful sounds of rain falling on the roof and take in the smell of fresh rainfall. We haven’t said a word, just taking it all in and enjoying the tranquil sounds of nature. After a bit, I decided to break the silence.
“I meant what I said, by the way.” When she just stares at me in confusion, I continue on. “My text. Those weren’t drunk words. I do want you to stay here.”
She sighs and quietly sits down in one of the rocking chairs. “Reid.” She pauses, hesitantly, as I lock eyes with her. “Why did you never show up all those years ago?”
My heart nearly stops. Now it’s my turn to take a deep breath and sit down. “I did.”
She looks at me puzzled. “No… you stood me up on one of the most important nights and then never spoke to me again.” I stare down at my clasped hands between my knees, debating how to approach this. She continues while I think, “It crushed me. Do you know that? Do you know how unfair that was?”
Finally, I break. “Caroline… I did come. I made it all the way up the driveway. Not just on time, but early. You weren’t the only one crushed by the end of the night.”
“What are you talking about?” She sounds frustrated now, almost yelling.
“I ran into your dad outside… he told me everything I needed to know.” Although I’ve had a long time to think about this, it’s all become a blur now and I never really thought we would get the chance to talk about this.
I’m still trying to navigate the lack of closure and how not to villainize any of the parties involved.
“I’m sorry, what? You talked to my dad? I’m so lost.” Caroline shakes her head in disbelief, her tone switching from anger to confusion again. “Please just explain to me what changed. I think I at least deserve that.” She leans back in her chair, crossing her arms over her.
“I couldn’t hold you back any longer. You were off to do bigger and better things. You were always meant to see the world outside this place. I was only keeping you from seeing your full potential.” I try to gently and vaguely explain.
“Oh please, don’t pull that card on me now.” She rolls her eyes and tilts her head at my bull crap answer. “Did you really think that you didn’t owe me any sort of explanation before just deciding to become this silent martyr and sending me off in a haze of confusion?”
“I thought I was doing the right thing. Then when I saw how happy you were, I felt like it really was the correct decision. I told myself that if it was meant to be, then we would find our way back. But you seemed to soar and never look back.” I shrug with my hands in my pockets, saying it as if it was no big deal, even though it was agonizing at the time.
Her tone feels defeated now. “I was terrified to come back. I was mortified and thought you didn’t want me. I have no idea what was said to you, but I wish you had just discussed it with me before making a decision for me.”
“I get that now. I really do. I just never felt good enough for you or that I could provide the life that you were looking for.” Man, all this talking has me realizing how badly I could benefit from a good therapy session.
It thunders louder and it sounds like we’re yelling, but really we are just trying to hear over the storm at this point.
“God, you make me sound so pretentious! Meanwhile, I was doing everything to feel good enough for you and anyone else. It’s not like I didn’t notice you moving on with that chick from medical school. How could I compete with that?”
I let out a deep breath from my chest and composed myself before responding.
“Well, I guess we were both trying to impress the wrong people because you were always good enough for me. No one else compared and therefore nothing else ever stuck after that. Sure I tried to move on, but running into you again in that coffee shop felt like this damn lightning out here right now. I knew I was screwed after that. But I also knew that you were married. Then the pregnancy rumors came and I just felt defeated all over again, like I was a teenager once more.” I’m just rambling at this point, as I run a hand through my hair.
She lets her posture loosen, leaning over and putting her hands over mine.
“Well it sounds like we both wanted the same things. Sometimes it just takes some time to figure that out and find your way back. And a little bit of communication can go a long way, but I’ve always been one to have to learn things the hard way.
I’m glad we both got to experience life in our own ways, but I would hope that our communication skills have gotten better over the past decade.
” She starts to chuckle and lighten both of our moods.
“Yeah well, I’m just glad you’re here now.” I look into her eyes now, hoping she sees how serious I am, even if she doesn’t feel the same way. “But I can’t lose you again… you belong here.”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’m beginning to think I do too…” I take my chance and lean in closer to her for a kiss. Right as I start to close my eyes, a lightning strikes a little too close for comfort.
“Let’s get the heck inside before we get electrocuted.” I grab her hand and run in, locking the door behind us but we realize the TV has turned off and it’s pitch black.
“Did the power go out?” She asks.
“Looks like it.” I look down to check my phone. “And shit, my phone is dead.”
“You go on up to bed. Do you mind if I just crash here on the couch? I’ll stay down here until it’s all clear out there.” I might be pushing my luck, but also not sure what options we have right now.
“I’m not leaving you down here in the dark by yourself. Come on, there’s plenty of space and a guest bed up here.” She gestures for me to head up the stairs.
I won’t argue that. I follow behind her, both of us feeling around with our arms outstretched in front of us so that we don’t run into a wall in the dark. And Bailey skipping up the stairs behind us.