Chapter Thirty-Two
I’m speechless, still thinking of Reece’s call last night. My chest feels like it's shrinking in on itself. But to my surprise, the tears didn't come. Like I’m to the point of an emotional drought. In some strange stage of grief.
I haven’t seen or talked to Reece since he left me in the hospital.
Honestly, I’m thankful for it. I can only assume that FaceTime was a message…
reminding me that I’m easily replaceable.
That he doesn’t need me if his needs aren’t met.
The funny part of that, Reece is not the sex god he thinks he is.
I’ve lost count of how many nights I’d dive deep into my subconscious and imagine him to be someone else just to get through it.
Not giving it much thought, I reopen the FaceTime icon, but I’m not calling Reece.
I select a new call, and it starts to ring.
Gavin’s concerned face fills my screen after the second ring. “Hey, you okay?” His worry would have made me laugh if it weren’t for my temporary speechlessness. I’m guessing he just got out of the shower. His wet curls still drip down to his tattooed chest.
“Funny how you think something has to be wrong for me to call you… We are friends, right?” I ask, lifting my eyebrow with a question.
“You're playing something off as nothing, Juni…I see it in your eyes. What happened?” He mockingly lifts his eyebrow back at me.
Sighing dramatically, “Reece… Facetimed me last night, completely out of the blue. I could tell by his voice he was high…”
“What did he say? Or should I say what did he do?” His eyes automatically narrow into a glare.
“I can’t tell you without you getting mad, Gavin… It’s not a big deal, okay?”
His eyes wonder beyond the phone screen for only a few seconds before bringing his attention back to me. A thought comes to mind… What if he isn’t alone and I’m being the biggest cock block ever? “Can I call you back in twenty ?” He asks gruffly with a slight edge to his voice.
“Uh, it’s fine, honestly, I don't even remember what I wanted to talk to you about. Just enjoy your night, okay? I’ll talk to you later.” I hang up before he can respond.
Making my way to the bathroom, I decide that a shower will be enough of a distraction to clear my head.
Turning on the shower, I mutter out loud, “I bet she's beautiful. He deserves everything in life.” I spend the next ten minutes scrubbing my skin until it’s red and raw.
It’s the only thing to help me feel clean in this bathroom.
Having had enough, I shut off the water and roughly dry off. Once I’m as dry as I can be, I make my way back to the bedroom. Sorting through my dresser, I decide on leggings, A ribbed bralette with the first two buttons undone, and a chunky cardigan.
Walking down the small hallway in the direction of the living room, I stop when I hear a knock at the door. I wonder if it’s Peyton… I hope it is. I fucking miss her and want to make up after that stupid fight.
Opening the door, the “Hey” coming out of my mouth dies on my lips.
Because it’s not Peyton… It’s Gavin. He’s leaning against the door frame with his arms placed above his head on the trim.
It should be a sin for how sexy he looks without trying.
A black t-shirt is trying all it can to stretch across his chest. The dark-wash jeans and backward hat… my god. My mind goes blank.
His eyes don’t leave mine. “ Why did you hang up on me like that?” His eyes bore into mine. He always holds eye contact with me. It drives me crazy.
“I kinda thought you weren’t alone… and you were shirtless. I didn’t want to be a cock block, so I hung up…” I say, finally breaking eye contact.
Confusion spreads across his face until his laughter starts erupting from his chest; he has to brace himself against the door frame.
“Cock block?” His eyes zone in on my parted lips.
He starts laughing again. “Иисус Христос…
“ ‘Jesus Christ…’ Making his way into the trailer, he walks up to me. Bending down so his mouth brushes my ear. “Любовь… I was alone. I’ve been cock blocking myself for the last six fucking years… and trust me, it was intentional.”
“What?” I ask, shock taking my breath away.
“Yeah, Любовь, you weren’t expecting that, were you?” He says with a smirk, eyes locked on mine.
Breaking the awkward silence that has surrounded us. Gavin looks at me again and says, “Hey, go get that gun case. We both are free, let's go to the range.”
“Are you sure? Gosh, it’s been a couple of years, but it should be like riding a bike… right?”
“Let’s go find out… also,” clearing his throat as his eyes make their way to my chest. “Maybe switch out the sweater for a sweatshirt?”
Looking down, my eyes widen. I guess that last button on my bralette was unclasped, and I didn’t feel it. “Ops, good call. I’m going to change, and I’ll grab that case.”
Quickly walking back to my bedroom, I go to my dresser and grab my favorite vintage-style VW hoodie, replacing my cardigan. I grab the SIG case from where I’ve been keeping it hidden. Taking a deep breath, I make my way back out to Gavin.
Heading out to Gavin’s truck, he takes the SIG case from me and lays it on the floorboard of the back seat.
As I open my passenger door, he helps me get inside.
Once I’m seated, he takes it upon himself to fasten my seatbelt.
With a wink, he shuts the door and makes his way around to the driver's side. The shooting range isn’t that far away, so the drive is short.
He’s been mindlessly tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to whatever song is playing; he hasn’t looked at me much since he started driving.
Pulling into the range, we follow the signs marked for handguns.
Gavin backs in so that the bed of his truck faces the range.
Not until the truck is in park does he finally look at me.
Giving me his full smile, he brushes a piece of my hair behind my ear.
He playfully taps my chin with his fist like he used to do when teasing me.
“Let’s see what you got, huh? Are you still a badass? ” He asks, eyebrows wiggling at me.
“I guess we will find out,” I say nervously.
Gavin gets out of the truck first, of course, rounding the hood to make it to the passenger side, and opens the door for me.
Helping me down, I ever so slightly slide down the front of his hard-toned body.
As if he shocked me, I pull away too fast and open the back door to grab the SIG case.
“I’ll load it the first couple times, but I want you to get comfortable with it again, okay? ”
“Aye, aye, captain!” I say with a wink.
“Alright, come here, we will go back over the basics since it’s been a few years for you.” Standing shoulder to shoulder, he explains how I need to stand. Feet shoulder-length apart. All that good stuff, I remember pretty much everything, just shooting the gun kind of scares me.
Taking a paper target, he walks out to the wooden target and pins it to the bullseye. Once he’s back next to me, he nods, telling me he’s ready when I am. Taking a deep breath as I line up the sight with the bullseye. Take another single deep breath and pull the trigger.
Dust flies up from where the shot landed in the dirt.
The next couple are not any better. Starting to really think I’ve lost so much of myself.
I used to love shooting. Suddenly, Gavin is at my back.
There is no space. He places his hands on my shoulders.
Softly dragging them down my arm, coming to a stop at my wrists, and helping me put the sight on the target, keeping my arms from shaking.
Bending down enough that his breath brushes my ear as I hear him gruffly say “Сделайте глубокий вдох…” ‘Take a deep breath.’ Doing as he asks, I take a deep breath, take aim, and shoot.
BANG. The feeling is exhilarating. A big smile spreads across my face as I see I did actually hit the bullseye this time.
“I’m not going to help you hold it this time.
Show me what you got.” He’s still pressed up against my back as his hands slowly drag to my hips.
It feels so natural.“Вот и все…” ‘That’s it…
’ He whispers. Steadying myself, I raise the gun, take a deep breath, and release the trigger.
To my surprise, it’s not far off from the shot Gavin helped me shoot.
I can feel him smiling next to me. “Вот она..” ‘There she is.’
Laughing, I tilt my head to look at him. “There's who?”
“The badass girl you let him bury. The one I’m going to continue to help resurface until that pine box is nothing more than a memory of your past life.”
“How are you planning on doing that, Gavin? I’m not your obligation.”
Before the next words are out of my mouth, I’m spun around, now facing Gavin. There's no space in between us. A predatory look crosses his face as he grabs the side of my face. “I’m sorry, I think I misunderstood you. Come again?” His eyes are fading to a glare.
“I said…” I start to say, but I’m cut off by a growl coming from deep in his chest. Backing us up, I’m now trapped between Gavin and the range table, which is digging into my lower back.
“Take it back.” He peers down at me like he’s the lion, and I am the lamb.
“But...” It's as far as I get before I am once again silenced.
Both sides of my face are gripped tight, but it takes a moment to come back to earth. Not because I am pressed hard into the side of this table, jaw locked in place.
It’s Gavin’s hungry mouth on mine, his resolve shattering. The heat of his mouth kills the argument on my lips. “Take. it. Back,” he says searingly, not removing his mouth from mine. Suddenly, I go from standing to sitting. His eyes are burning into mine as his jaw ticks.
“We both know you always end up surrendering to me, Любовь.” He whispers.
Grabbing my discarded SIG, he slowly drags it down my left arm, followed by my right. He starts dragging it slowly from my waistline to the column of my neck. Stopping the barrel as it lands on my pulse point. “Be a good girl and take it back…” He laughs darkly, watching me.
“Fine, I take it back…” I say as I slowly drag my nails down his arm, holding the SIG. Catching him off guard, I rip it out of his hand, slowly dragging it up his stomach. “Careful, Petrov. Now the guns in my hand, or should I say the balls in my court?” I ask, smirking.
“You might be armed, but it’s all an act. You know I’d never hurt you… Unless… of course you asked me to. I haven’t forgotten how you like it,” he says with a wink.
“You're enjoying the gun aimed at you a little too much, aren’t you?” I ask my eyes rolling down from his face to the steel stabbing into my stomach.
“A little too much, but only because it’s you… It’s only ever been you Любовь.”
Grabbing me again, he brings his face down to mine. Breathing heavy. With no regret, I grab his face this time, kissing him again. At first, he’s still…then he slowly starts to drag his tongue, tracing my bottom lip, asking for permission. And I let him in.
How has he not forgotten anything about me in six years?
He remembers everything. The kiss starts burning up even more than I thought was possible—more teeth, less tongue.
I feel like I am about to break out of my own skin.
Until I feel the cold metal of my wedding band pressed against his neck. Shame fills me.
Pulling away, tears start to fall. Guilt slamming into me. Concern paints his face immediately. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”
“Gavin…” I say as my voice breaks. I know my husband hasn’t been faithful to me, but that doesn’t give me the right to do the same. Knowing this is only hurting Gavin further pains me more than Reece ever has. “Gavin, I’m so sorry,” I say as I push him away.
Hurt flashes across his face before he can mask it. I did that. Because I am too weak to stand up for myself, I’m either pushing away the people I love or causing them physical pain. I start shrinking into myself. “Can you take me home, please?” I ask, making sure not to make eye contact this time.
“Yeah, I’m sorry, Juni. I shouldn’t have done that,” he says so quietly I almost missed it.
He places the SIG in its case and makes his way to the truck, placing it on the back floorboard.
Without sparing a glance, he opens the driver’s door and gets in.
I’m pretty sure this is the first time he hasn’t gotten the door for me… since we met.