Chapter 17
We go about our weekend as usual, not mentioning anything about the secret job and ignoring the elephant in the room. On Sunday night whilst we are on the sofa watching our favourite series and the kids are in the rumpus room on every device possible, James pauses the tv to chat.
“I’ve come to a point where I can live with the decision you make about this job. I can’t stop you; I don’t even want to stop you. If you want to do it and think you can handle it, I’m with you and will support you in any way I can.”
I stare back into the loving eyes of my husband and tears well in my eyes.
I have been torturing myself, toing and froing about how I’d feel about taking the job against James’ wishes or if I’d hate it or, if I enjoyed it—what would that mean about me as a person.
So many colliding thoughts I’m almost sick of them.
“Thank you,” I say finally, emotions choking my throat closed, I can’t find any more words to speak so James continues.
“Know you have my blessing to leave, that I want you to walk away and forgo the money should you feel the need. You will not regret it and I would never hold you responsible. We do not need the money or any money that puts your body or mind in harm’s way.
Promise me you will remember that, and I will try and rest soundly knowing you will do that for me. ”
“I promise,” I mutter as the tears roll down my cheeks.
“Come here,” James tugs me into his arms as I cry tears of relief and a little regret.
I didn’t give him the full picture and that guilt is clawing at me to own up, but I can’t.
I mustn’t do it, he either won’t let me do the job or will let me begrudgingly but won’t rest a minute whilst I’m gone.
I can’t do that to him, so I hold it in.
I want to earn the money; I want to have an insight into this job. I am going to take it.
“When we know the dates of this job, I’ll arrange something with Matty, something for us all to look forward to after you being away.”
“That sounds great, I’d really like that, thank you.”
“I’m not going to spend a minute thinking about the money until the job is over. It’s not ours unless you are done, home and safe.”
“Thank you, I wish I could not think of it. But I’ll try not to.”
“Don’t torture yourself any more then you have been. It’s enough. You are going to do it, and then we get what we get and we don’t throw a fit,” he says the last in a more sing-songy tone, bringing a smile to my face.
“You’re using my own words against me.”
“If they’re good enough for the kids, they’re wise enough for us.”
I laugh at his logic. “Ok, I agree,” I say to pacify James, but he is right.
I need to snap out of it, take the job and just do the bloody job.
I am done listening to the thoughts rolling around in my brain.
So, I change the subject and move onto something I’d much prefer to spend my energy thinking about.
“What shall we do with Matty when I get back?”
“I was thinking a city break. Have some fun, go to some bars, get some room service. I don’t know. Just relax and have some good times together.”
“That sounds perfect, I’d really love a city break.”
“That’s settled then. I’ll float the idea with Matty and hopefully he can make it when we find out the dates of this job.”
“Forget the million dollars, I will have the weekend away with the two of you as my biggest reward,” I chirp happily, and we grin at each other.
Clearly, we’re on the same page, it’s just a weird turn of events that I didn’t see in my future, but here we are and I’m damn happy about it. Life is wild.
Sunday evening turns into Monday, and I spend the morning shift with Sophie not breathing a word about the secret job I’ve been offered.
It feels wrong. She’s got my back 100% and now I just feel like I’m letting her down.
It’s an awful feeling, one I’m not proud of when I make my excuses to not join her for lunch today.
This secret job is making me act in a way I’m not proud of, I hate half-truths and withholding information.
It’s making me feel wretched. What am I becoming for money and a thrill?
I knock on Sandy’s office door and she opens the door expectantly.
“Hi Sandy,” I say.
“Hi Roxy, I take it you have an answer for me?” she asks directly, there is no beating around the bush here I see. “Come in, take a seat.”
“Thank you, yes I do.” I walk inside and take the end of the sofa opposite her like usual. “I’m going to take the job,” I say in a rush.
If Sandy is surprised, she doesn’t show it. She only nods her head and replies, “Very well. In that case, I have all the details here ready for you.”
I almost feel like I’ve disappointed her, the feeling doesn’t sit well in my stomach. Am I making a big mistake?
“The five days and nights starts next Monday. You will be taken to the location on Monday morning and dropped back home on Saturday morning. Frank will take you and pick you up. He also won’t be far, just so you know and will be on call to pick you up at any point.”
“Thank you, I think that will all work and give me time to make some pre-arrangements for the kids.”
“There has been a request that you are given a mild sedative to get you to the location in complete secrecy. Is this a concern for you?”
“A sedative? I don’t think I’ve even taken one before. How long will I be out for?”
“I’ve been assured just long enough for the journey.”
“Ok, well, I guess that will be fine, if that’s what they’d like?”
“Do you have any questions for me?”
“You mentioned it’s an owner and his two sons? Will there be anyone else?”
“Yes, quite possibly. The owner has mentioned there might be a few of the other owners and members at one point but didn’t elaborate.”
“Ok and you mentioned a livestream, how many will be watching me?”
“I have been assured the livestream is only for the owner and his two sons. No one else.”
“Fine. Is there anything else you can tell me about the men or the job?”
“Unfortunately I cannot,” replies Sandy, sounding apologetic. “But I will say this, you use your safe word the minute you need to Roxy. Promise me you’ll do that?”
“I promise,” I answer in a small voice.
“Take care of yourself. I’m sure it’ll be like any other job you’ve had before,” she replies although her optimism falls flat along with the tone of her voice.
She doesn’t believe those words and neither do I.
She knows something but she’s not allowed to let on.
I’m a big girl, I’ve made my decision, I need to go through with it.
Sedative is a bit left field considering I’m always blindfolded and that has always been sufficient enough.
But it’s their job and fantasy, who I am to object.
“My advice, Roxy, would be to study the jobs on the Red job board and prepare yourself mentally for what is about to come.
I'm not going to lie, these kinks have innate risks both physically and mentally. But the jobs must meet our requirements for the Red list including doing everything possible to avoid permanent harm and all involved will abide by the Clarendon rules at all times. As long as you know that it will be nothing like the charity job, that will help you prepare for it. Everything will be unexpected and more extreme. When you get back, I want you to book in and see our well-being staff.”
“Can I tell Sophie when I get back?” I ask, knowing I will be dying to speak to her upon my return. It’s one thing to keep this part of my life a secret, but I need the support of my friend and confidant. I hate keeping this a secret from her, it feels totally wrong.
“Yes, I think that’ll be fine and good for you.”
“What shall I tell her in the meantime?”
“Nothing. I will tell her you are on a secret job on the Monday you don’t turn up for work.”
“Thank you.”
“And your husband is ok with you taking the job?” Sandy can’t help but enquire, clearly surprised he is.
I square my shoulders and reply, “James supports my decision, and he looks forward to me coming home after finishing the job and spending the rest of our lives slightly richer I hope.”
Sandy smiles but the gesture doesn’t reach her eyes. “Ok then, you have a very supportive husband, I’m glad to hear it.”
I smile back with pride, “I do, he loves me very much.”
“You are a very lucky girl. Be ready Monday at 9am sharp and Frank will collect you. Take care Roxy,” she says, rising, and I take that as my cue to stand too.
“Thanks Sandy, for everything,” I reply.
“Shout if you need anything this week or when you return,” is all Sandy says as I say goodbye and make my way back down the stairs and out to my car.
I don’t know whether to be excited or sombre.
This secret job is a real head fuck, and I haven’t even got there yet.
And since when did anyone require sedatives to go to a job?
I don’t think I’m going to mention that little piece of information to James, he’ll be questioning me far more stringently than he has so far.
I know Sandy said to study the Red job board and prepare myself.
But I can’t bring myself to look. At this point my nerves are building and I’m beginning to question whether saying yes was really the right thing to do.
What if I can’t do any of it, what if the kinks frighten me?
Then logically I think of all the jobs I’ve done so far and none of them have been so bad. I have got this. I think…
I don’t take any jobs in the lead up to next week.
I spend the time working at the Clarendon, running around after the kids and being as normal as possible.
No one would ever know I’m about to spend five days and nights locked away with three unknown men with kinks they were not willing to tell Sandy.
I hold it together until Sunday night when the damn breaks and I have a little sob with James.
I’m a little frightened but I tell James I’m just nervous.
He hugs me and strokes me and tells me everything will be ok.
It’s only five days, it’s less than the last big job I did.
I can do it. He reads to me in bed and lets me suckle his cock to help me relax and fall into a fitful sleep, dungeons and hooded men plaguing my dreams.
When Monday morning arrives, I awake in a sweat as James soothes me from my nightmare.
He’s already on top of me and his hard cock nudges at my entrance as my eyes open.
I widen my legs to let him enter me, to comfort me and work himself in and out of me.
I calm my thoughts and ease into the rhythm of him, savouring the delicious feeling he is building inside of me.
I lay completely still in a sleepy haze as James fucks me from my nightmare and into my dreams. It’s just what I needed, to be woken up in this way from the horrors that only my imagination can bring.
My climax finds me quickly and I arch up into James, my entire body shuddering as he rings out every wave of pleasure that runs through my body until he groans, stills and unloads into me.
I open my eyes and look back up at him properly and give a sleepy smile and say, “Thank you, I needed that.”
“I know you had a fitful sleep, I didn’t want to wake you but you were muttering feverishly so I wanted to break the spell. I also guiltily wanted you to have my come inside you when you arrive at your job today,” he says sheepishly.
“I had a really terrible night’s sleep; I much prefer to wake up and find you inside me.” I grin up at him. “I should probably get moving, I need to get my head into gear if I’m going to stand a chance of making it in time for Frank to collect me.”
“Go jump in the shower now, I’ll start hustling the kids. I love you Rose Petal.”
“I love you too, Husband,” I reply and my heart aches for leaving him for this job that I haven’t been entirely honest with him about.
James kisses my forehead before climbing off me and walking into the ensuite to clean up before pulling his track pants back on and heading out to find the kids.
I stretch and yawn and pull myself up with a heavy head and a foreboding feeling.
This is not how I usually feel about a job—nowhere near.
I need to get out of my head, Sandy’s warning about the people and job ringing in my ears.
I hope I’ve made the right decision. Only time will tell now.
I try to eat after I’ve showered, trying to act normal around the kids and James. I give them all a giant hug and a kiss to cover them for the five days I am going to be away.
“Remember, use your safe word, get out of there if you hate it. Forget about the money,” James says for the hundredth time. “We will be fine, and Matty can make our city break after you arrive back, so you have that to look forward to.”
I smile and then reply, “Please don’t tell him about my job.” The uncertainty of what he might say in response to the news makes my stomach flip.
“You know I won’t. That is our secret,” James reassures, and I breathe out a breath I didn’t realise I was holding.
“You’d better go or the kids will be late. Thanks for your support, James, I don’t know what I’d do without it.”
“Always Rose Petal, I will always support you and your decisions. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“See you in five days.”
“See you in five days,” I promise, turning to hug and kiss the kids all over again, and then James as he bundles them out of the front door and into the car.
I wave to them all as my heart feels like it’s going to burst. I’m doing this for them, it’s all for them. I can do this. I will do this.
Frank arrives outside promptly at nine so I lock up and climb into the car.
I don't bring anything as I’ve been asked not to.
It feels strange leaving without any overnight bag or personal belongings.
He smiles and offers me a warm hello. When I’m buckled in he reaches over and gives me a pill and a bottle of water.
“I’ve been told to give you these,” he says, bemused.
“Have you ever given these to anyone before?” I enquire.
“No Miss Roxy, just you.” That answer makes me want to heave my breakfast up, but I try and shrug it off and take the tablet. I fasten the mask over my eyes as usual but wonder if it’s really necessary now I’ve taken a sedative.
“I’ll be nearby the whole time Miss Roxy. Just so you know.”
“Thanks Frank, I’m really grateful for that,” I reply as brightly as I can muster.
Frank pulls out and I lay my head back on the head rest and let the heavy pull of the sedative take me under, falling asleep to the bumps and dips of the road to wherever Frank is driving me.