Chapter 29
Desperate to stop the buzzing of my thoughts, I call Beth on the walk back to my car. She picks up on the second ring.
‘Is everything okay? Has something happened?’
‘Can everyone stop asking me that as soon as we start speaking?’ I reply huffily, my mood darkening further when I hear my youngest niece, Mila, wailing in the background.
‘I’m going to take that snarky response as your way of saying everything is fine, thanks for asking, dear sister. To what do I owe the pleasure of this call, anyway?’
Mila’s cries get louder, a sign that she is now in Beth’s arms. I close my eyes and imagine her weight against my chest, her tiny arms wrapped around my neck. Needing me, loving me.
Climbing into my car before the crack in my heart grows any bigger, I clip my phone into the phone holder. ‘I need a favour. If Kamal asks, I need you to say I’m with you tonight.’
There’s a pause in which the only sound is Mila crying.
‘You want me to lie to your husband?’ Beth asks eventually.
‘Yes. No. Only if he asks where I am.’ I wince at how bad the request sounds when said out loud.
‘Janine, what’s going on? Do I need to be worried?’
‘It’s nothing bad. Nothing like what you’re thinking.’
‘You’ve no idea what I’m thinking.’
‘I can guess, and I promise you it’s not that.’
‘So, it’s not you shacking up with a hot farmer behind your adoring husband’s back?’
‘Beth, no! How could you even think that?’
‘I don’t know, Janine. Maybe because you’re asking me to lie to Kamal about your whereabouts?’
I sigh. ‘It sounds weirder than it is, I promise. This isn’t an affair. Come on, Beth. I was lucky enough to find one person who could put up with my messiness. I’m not lucky enough to find two.’
No matter how much I hoped a little silliness would distract from the strangeness of my request, Beth tutting tells me it didn’t work. ‘Janine, be real with me. Is everything okay with you and Kamal? I know things have been tough recently, but sneaking around behind his back isn’t like you.’
‘Things are fine, don’t worry.’
‘Then why are you lying to him?’
‘I… I’ve got involved in something.’
Beth’s groan comes out loud through the phone. ‘Nothing good has ever started with those words.’
‘It’s not how it sounds, I swear. A woman’s gone missing in my village. I’m helping to look for her.’
‘And Kamal can’t know about that because…?’
‘Because he’s already asked me to stop getting involved,’ I say with a wince.
‘Why?’
‘Because he’s worried.’
‘Should he be?’
‘No,’ I reply, but even I detect the uncertainty in my voice. ‘A woman is missing, Beth. If this was you, I’d want the entire world to be looking for you.’
‘Janine,’ Beth says, a sigh attached to each syllable of my name. ‘Stop emotionally blackmailing me. It’s not fair.’
‘I’m not trying to blackmail you. I’m trying to make you understand.’
Again, Beth sighs. ‘I’m not comfortable lying to Kamal about this. He’s a reasonable guy. I doubt he’d ask you to stop getting involved for no reason, which leads me to think one thing: you know what you’re doing isn’t right. But, in classic stubborn Janine style, you’re doing it anyway.’
I grimace, the character assessment brutal but fair. ‘Please, Beth,’ I plead. ‘You know I wouldn’t ask you to do this if it wasn’t important. I’m not meeting anyone behind Kamal’s back, I’m not doing anything stupid or dangerous. But I need you to cover for me tonight.’
Once again, my words are met with a silence that’s only punctuated by Mila’s distress. The sound of her tears seems to heighten my sister’s worried judgement.
‘Beth, I need you to do this. Sister to sister, please.’
‘Fine,’ she huffs, ‘but this better not backfire. And you owe me, okay? You owe me big.’
‘Thank you! Whatever you want, whenever you want it, it’s yours.’
‘I want a day with my sister,’ Beth says, her voice cracking. ‘I want a day where we talk and laugh like we used to. Is that too much to ask for?’
I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying. ‘That can be arranged,’ I say, ending the call quickly before I burst into tears. Turning on the ignition, I drive away, leaving the village and my sisterly guilt behind.
At the house, I text Gabby to confirm I’ll go to the meeting. She takes an hour to reply, the search of the Clarkes’ house obviously commanding her attention, but she confirms that we will meet outside Saddleforth Community Hall at five forty-five.
With the plan in place, I call Kamal. Panic is evident in his tone when he answers.
‘Is everything okay?’
‘It’s fine,’ I reply. ‘I just wanted to let you know that I won’t be in tonight when you come home. I’m going out with Beth.’
‘Oh,’ Kamal replies, but I can practically hear a smile taking over his face. ‘That’s great! Where are you going?’
I concoct a lie about dinner, digging my nails into my palms as Kamal becomes even happier. It’s clear he thinks I’m coming back to myself after a rocky few months. If only he knew the truth.
Hanging up, I rattle around the house, doing all I can to avoid my guilt – and my workload. Tiff calls, no doubt for an update on my writing, but I let it ring out. I can’t face lying again today.