Chapter 19
Imust’ve passed out, because when I came to again, Otho was leaning over me, pressing something cool to my forehead.
“You’re okay; I’ve got you now,” he promised.
Everything that had been going through my mind came rushing back. “But . . . you’re . . . in my mind . . .”
Otho sat back, dropping his face into his hand. “I should have mentioned it before. I’m sorry, Runa.”
I couldn’t swallow over the lump in my throat. “What . . . how . . . ?”
He reached for my hand. “Let me help you into bed and I’ll explain everything.”
It was difficult to stand on legs that were shaking, and as much as I wanted to push Otho away—decline his help—there was no way I would have made it into bed without him. Once I was situated beneath the covers, he offered me the cool cloth again, but I pushed it away.
“Not until you tell me what you tricked me into.”
He shook his head, his dark hair askew. “It wasn’t a trick, Runa, I promise. I thought you knew what happened to weighteds when they had sex for the first time.”
“I didn’t know,” I snapped. “How could I?” My anger quickly evolved, and I pushed the blankets off my body, suddenly too warm.
“You all, you keep so much from me! You assume I was told all the things you all were apparently told as children. My parents barely mentioned to us that we were Seid! I didn’t know the meetings I attended were coven meetings and I didn’t know any details about what I was learning to read until I was conscripted to Adis, and then .
. . I was thrust into this world where everyone seems to know everything, and I’m .
. . drowning, trying to keep up with you all! ”
I knew my rant had veered off topic, that Otho hadn’t even attended coven meetings, but I didn’t care. All the emotions I’d been burying for months continued to bubble to the surface.
“I’m left learning everything on my own, usually after I’ve already done something I didn’t understand enough to consent to and I’m sick of it.
” The anger had chased the shaking from my limbs enough that I was able to sit up in bed and swing my legs over the side to slip on my breeches, hastily reaching for my discarded shirt.
“From now on, you better tell me everything before you touch me, meet me in the dream world, or say something that you assume I’ll understand.
” I laced up my boots and stomped them on the wood floor for emphasis.
“Now, tell me what the fuck happened when we had sex last night before I stomp all the way back to Signa.”
Otho sighed, and I could feel his exhaustion laced with desperation.
“I’m sorry, Runa. You’re . . . you’re right.
I forget that Cal, Friar, and I had our parents for much longer than you had yours.
We know more, and I do need to stop assuming that you do, too.
” He paused, reaching for me, but I took a step back, motioning for him to continue.
“When the weighted have sex, they create a bond similar to magic—well, it is a magical bond, in essence. While we can feel where the other is without confirming this bond with sex, there are a few aspects of the weighted relationship that don’t exist until . . . well, until sex.”
I arched an eyebrow, my foot tapping on the floor impatiently.
“While our bodies are connected from the moment we meet, it isn’t until sex that our minds are connected, too.
You can speak into mine, and I can speak into yours.
It isn’t the same as mind reading—I can’t read all your thoughts, only the ones you project at me.
That’s why the Seid go crazy for a pair of weighted .
. . because they are a huge asset in battle and politics because we can communicate in a way others in the room can’t hear.
But I can teach you how to tell when you’re projecting versus not projecting a thought, or if that’s not enough, you can sever it, the same way you severed the mind-reading magic the first time.
Just . . .” He sighed and I could tell how much it was paining him to admit this.
“Know you’ll have to sever it every time we have sex.
But if you don’t want to have sex anymore for that reason, I understand. ”
My heart warmed, and I knew Otho hadn’t purposely tried to conceal this aspect of being a weighted from me. But that still didn’t answer how he knew so much. I crinkled my nose. “Where did you learn so much about weighteds?”
“My parents were weighted,” he admitted, his voice so quiet I wasn’t sure I heard him at first.
“They were?” I don’t know why, but something about that caused hope to burst in my chest.
He nodded. “They loved to tell the story. Apparently, when they met, the connection was instant and the rest came easily.”
I frowned. “Must be nice.”
“I know,” he acknowledged, scouring the room. “I’ve got to purchase supplies. Why don’t you start packing? We will leave when I return.”
I sighed, tilting my head back. I wished we had time to get to know one another better, without constantly being distracted by politics, traveling, and war.
I knew that one day we would have that, but I had to be patient—something I was good at.
And I knew Otho, like me, was just trying to do what was best in a world that was a mess.
I couldn’t keep my gaze from his chiseled chest as he collected his rumpled white shirt from the floor.
Otho arched his eyebrow, and I arched one of mine right back before reaching for the bottom of my shirt. “Are you sure we don’t have a little more time?”
His eyes were following my movements, and I could feel his hesitation.
“We probably shouldn’t keep the others waiting.
” The volume of his voice lowered as he spoke, and I knew I was winning him over.
I pulled my shirt over my head, watching as Otho’s eyes were immediately drawn to my exposed nipples.
Though I’d never done this before, I walked forward, dropping to my knees right in front of Otho.
“Runa, what . . .” Otho trailed off as my hands rubbed the obvious bulge in his pants. Before he could argue, I unlaced them, allowing his cock to spring free. “Hel,” he groaned.
I licked him hesitantly at first, his moans spurring me on until I was confident enough to slide him into my mouth. I bobbed up and down a few times, obsessed with the way his legs shook beneath my palms at the motion.
His fingers dug into my hair, pulling me back. “On the bed,” he commanded, his eyes darkening.
I obeyed, not bothering to remove my breeches. The moment I was seated on the bed without a shirt, Otho was climbing over me, growling as he sucked one of my nipples into his mouth.
I didn’t know if it was because of the weighted bond, or simply because I loved Otho, but I was desperate to have him inside me.
I must’ve projected that thought without realizing it, because not even a breath later, Otho was pulling off my breeches, using his thumb to check that was I wet enough, then pushing inside.
Unlike last night, this coupling was quick and within a few thrusts, Otho was twitching inside me.
I assumed that would be the end, and he would leave me to relieve my own arousal, but the moment he pulled out from between my legs, he was pressing his fingers inside of me, returning his lips to my nipple.
He was exceptional with his fingers, and a few moments later, I found my own pleasure, unable to keep myself from crying out his name, only for me to slap a hand over my mouth when I heard knocking.
Otho chuckled, pulling me into his arms. “You were too loud.”
Warmth crawled up my neck and into my cheeks. “Do you think that was Askel or one of the others?” Not that it mattered, it was embarrassing either way.
He placed a kiss beneath my ear. “It doesn’t matter to me either way, as long as they know you’re mine.”
We stayed like that even as we heard voices in the hall and then outside, in front of the inn. Neither of us said it, but we both knew this would be our last moment like this for a while. As such, we wanted to cherish it.
Finally, when it sounded like an entire crowd was gathered outside of the inn, Otho rose from bed and dressed. “I suppose we should prepare for the day before they find trouble. We have a long way to go before we will reach Shianp.”
I wished we could stay in bed all day, but I knew he was right. “Does the trail get easier from here?” I knew it was unlikely, but I was hoping.
He shrugged. “We already climbed the highest peak, but as you’ve seen, this isn’t a popular route, so I can’t promise we won’t run into trouble.”
I frowned as I stood and began collecting my clothes, but something felt off. Like Otho knew something he wasn’t telling me.
Otho finished dressing before me, informing me he would meet me in the reception area, and I finished preparing myself for the day in silence.
Why was it that every time I learned more about him, I felt I knew less?