Chapter 20
After completing my meager packing, I allowed myself the luxury of another hot bath before dressing in the second outfit I’d acquired the day before. When I emerged from the bathing room, Ena was standing in our room, her gaze on our loaded packs.
“Everything okay?” I asked cautiously, feeling for her emotions.
“Yes.” She blushed, her hand coming up to brush her cheek. “I spoke with the innkeeper, and she says she has someone who can sell you belladonna.”
My eyebrows raised. “So, why the blush?”
“No reason,” she replied hurriedly, pulling open the door and running down the hall.
I stooped to pick up our bags before following after her, but I knew she was hiding something. We made our way back to the reception area, the innkeeper ducking out the moment she saw us.
I spun on Ena. “Did something happen with Askel?”
She shook her head. “No.” Her emotions said something different, but I kept the observation to myself. “And you know I’m interested in Derek.”
“I remember,” I promised her, “but that doesn’t mean you can’t also have an interest in Askel. After all, we aren’t sure when we will see Derek again.” I left out the part that we didn’t know if we would see him again.
“You really mean that?” Her happiness billowed at my words.
“Yes. Unless you made a specific promise to Derek, I’d say you are welcome to spend your time with anyone you want.” I wiggled my eyebrows and both of us collapsed into giggles.
She opened her mouth to say something, but the innkeeper returned, three vials in her hand. “That’ll be six coins.”
I gulped, reaching into Otho’s bag before realizing he’d taken his pouch of coins with him that morning. “I . . . uhh . . . need to get the coins from Otho.”
The woman nodded, releasing the vials into my grasp. “I’ll let the woman know to wait a few moments.”
“Wait.” I looked between Ena and the innkeeper. “Can I meet this woman?”
The innkeeper shook her head. “I’m afraid not. She wishes to remain anonymous.”
The words sank like a rock in my stomach, and I lifted one of the vials, spinning it in the light, before uncorking it and dumping a few berries in my mouth. I chewed slowly; the berries tasted like normal belladonna.
As if I would be able to taste poison in my poison. I swallowed my laugh, knowing it would appear strange to laugh now.
Still, the fact that the woman didn’t want to meet me made me feel uneasy.
I caught Ena’s gaze and tilted my head to the side. Knowing what I wanted, she excused herself to return to her room.
The innkeeper and I stood there in silence as I mentally projected to Otho that I needed him—well, more like I hoped I projected my thoughts.
I received my answer when Otho returned a few awkward breaths later, immediately rushing over to me. “Is everything okay?”
I forced a smile on my lips. “Yes. I need six coins, if that’s okay?”
He didn’t question it, pulling the pouch out of his pocket and handing me the six coins. I passed them to the innkeeper who disappeared into the back of the inn.
Otho eyed the vials. “More belladonna?”
“Yes,” I breathed, sliding them into my brassiere. “How long until the next village?”
He grimaced. “I’m afraid we likely won’t see anyone else until Shianp.”
“Is it really that desolate out here?”
The general added the supplies in his arms to his bag one by one as we spoke. “I’m afraid so. You’ve seen the terrain, it’s . . . not easy to navigate. Even if there were more villages out there, I couldn’t guarantee I could find them.”
“Then why does the king live in Shianp? If it’s so hard to reach?”
He rose to his full height before answering. “Because it’s difficult for enemies to reach, too.”
It didn’t matter how much I learned about war, politics, or the world I lived in, I felt like I knew nothing every time I spoke with Otho, and this time was no different.
I’d never considered that the king would be safest living somewhere where it was difficult for everyone to reach—even his own people.
That would protect him against the enemy, as well as a coup.
And if anyone did dare to cross the terrain to reach him, or take the road, by the time they reached the town, it was likely they were tired, hungry, and in need of supplies.
I was so engrossed in my thoughts, I didn’t notice Ena return until her hand landed on my shoulder. “You won’t believe this.”
I jolted in surprise, peering at my friend as the other men came down the hall, packs in their hands, pulling Otho into a conversation about the route we planned to take. With them otherwise occupied, I motioned for Ena to go on.
“The woman who was selling the belladonna, it was the woman who was flirting with Otho last night. I saw her waiting behind the building for payment. She waited until the innkeeper came out with it.”
I nodded, swallowing hard. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’m buying poison, because you can’t poison something that’s already meant to kill someone.” I couldn’t stop my chuckle, and Ena laughed along with me.
“You’re right about that.”
The two of us giggled about the unlikely vendor all throughout the morning hike.
Though it was challenging, I found it easier than the previous days, because now that we were in the basin, the mountains we were climbing were smaller, the descents less steep.
As we walked, I imagined what a birds-eye view of the Shianp would look like, with the tall rim of mountains creating almost a fence around the smaller mountains that surrounded the town itself.
It reminded me of a great eye—watching all who approached.
I shivered at the thought. But something told me I needed to remember that.
For later.
The days blended together as we crossed the rugged terrain. It was always the same—wake early and train with Askel, have breakfast at dawn, then walk until we dropped into our bedrolls the following night.
Otho appeared to have given up on Ryle returning, or he’d taken my words to heart and knew him returning likely wouldn’t be good for us, as he no longer took it slow, urging us to keep our pace up.
Although we had little time to explore the new, physical side to our relationship, we did practice sending each other thoughts from time to time.
Otho never accidentally sent thoughts my way, but I did occasionally make a mistake, though I was learning how to better keep the thoughts I wanted private, behind the ever-extending brick wall in my mind.
I still hadn’t confessed my mixed feelings about Leif’s death.
I was so scared of accidentally projecting those thoughts that I shoved away any feelings about my deceased bonded the moment they bubbled up.
Which was easier said than done, as my hand would often drift to the scar on my palm whenever I allowed my mind to wander.
But there was another problem that was more prominent than hiding my feelings for the death of my ex, and that was the fact that I had been unable to access the dream space ever since meeting Otho in the woods. And we’d tried several times.
We usually attempted it after dinner, when the men drifted into their tents for some quiet time and Ena disappeared into the woods with Askel.
I’d been meaning to ask her if she needed a contraceptive potion, but I hadn’t had the chance yet—not with so many of our conversations focused on training, or her finding more belladonna for me.
Regardless, when I sat on the ground facing Otho, resting my hands in his as I tried to allow my mind to drift, I never ended up in the dream world.
“I can hear your thoughts from here,” Otho grumbled.
“Can not,” I argued back, peeking through my eyelid at his still form.
“I might as well be able to. You need to quiet your mind, Runa. Relax. Let the dream world come to you.”
I frowned. Every time before it had been so easy to end up there with Otho; I didn’t understand why I was having such trouble now. “Can’t you just look for me? See if you see Collum anywhere around?”
Otho sighed. “Runa, you know it doesn’t work that way. I don’t know your cousin well enough to call her to me when I enter.”
“What about Friar? She was the last person who knew where she was. Call Friar to you and ask her if she knows Collum’s location,” I insisted.
A stab went through my chest and my eyes snapped open searching for the source of the pain. There was nothing there, just the quiet of the forest, Otho, and the four tents surrounding us. I reached up and rubbed at where the stabbing sensation had been.
When I looked back, Otho’s eyes were pleading with me. “I already did, Runa.”
My mouth dropped open. “What? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because . . .” He shook his head. “She hasn’t seen her since the day Malheim fell.”
My emotions surged at his admittance, and I jumped to my feet, my flight instinct kicking in. This time, Otho didn’t try and stop me as I darted away and ducked into the trees, my breath coming in gasps.
I didn’t go far. First, because it was dark, and second, because I knew I needed to learn to handle my emotions better, especially seeing as we were only days away from my meeting the king. At that thought, I sank to my knees, brushing my hand over the dark, soft soil.
“Where are you, Collum?” I asked the air around me in a whisper. A slight breeze blew tendrils of my hair from my face, but there was no audible response. “If only I could get to the dream space,” I mumbled to myself.
“Are you okay?” The words came from over my shoulder and I turned to find Askel standing there, looking far too aware for my talking to have pulled him from his tent this far from our camp.
“Did Otho send you?” I asked as realization sank in.
He didn’t answer, but he moved toward me, sinking down to sit next to me, which was answer enough. “Otho really struggles with expressing his emotions.”
“I hadn’t noticed,” I joked, but neither of us laughed. I dug my fingers further into the soil. “I’m not very good at it either,” I admitted.
“What do you mean?” Askel asked. “You seem fine when it comes to asking for what you need.”