Tobias
This trip to Morehaven couldn’t end soon enough.
I couldn’t handle the ghosts and memories that haunted this palace, the way they found a way past my carefully crafted mental shields at every corner.
I had been grateful for the excuse to return to my room to change for tonight’s dinner, if only for the chance to be alone.
The second I closed the door behind me, I sank to my knees, utterly drained. It took all my effort to center myself enough to get back up. Even so, I spent so long fortifying the walls of my mental shields and checking for any cracks in the stone that I had to rush to get dressed.
Thankfully, I still managed to be the first to arrive. I didn’t want anyone to see the effort it took to force myself from the doorway.
Dinner was set up on the balcony, to my dismay.
The long oak table was covered in early spring blooms, their fresh floral scent filling my lungs with each breath.
Tiny lights hung overhead like strings of fireflies, and candlelight cast a warm glow over the golden table settings.
Long-stemmed glassware sparkled in the setting sun; each crystalline goblet shaped like a blossom and filled with bubbling wine.
Musicians warmed up somewhere nearby, soft, melodic notes drifting through the air.
I couldn’t help the tremor that coursed down my spine.
The world was too bright. Too brittle.
The waning sunlight tauntingly played across my face as I struggled to count out my breathing.
The dichotomy of its light and the knowledge that there was no roof in between me and it warred with my control.
My next breath in turned into a gasp as I tugged at the suddenly too tight collar of my shirt, fighting for air.
I needed to get a hold of myself before someone found me like this.
Somehow, the endless sky above only made me feel more boxed in. Below me, the cool white stone of Morehaven gleamed ominously, like it might swallow me whole.
I gritted my teeth. I was safe, I silently reminded myself. I was free.
I would never be trapped here again.
My inhale caught in my throat, my panic mounting despite myself. The ghost of the band still scarred around my neck seemed to tighten. I dug my fingers into the white stone of the railing, resisting the urge to scream.
A sinister part of me wanted to leave a mark. To break that seamless stone as I had been broken.
My magic surged at my fingertips, trying to fight the nonexistent threat. The effort of holding it back heated my blood, the searing pain grotesquely familiar…
A movement in my periphery brought me back to myself. My gaze locked with Quinn’s. In an instant the heat, the pain, the crushing weight of it was gone. Her presence was a force all its own—one that had always proved impossible to resist.
Today, it would have been easier not to notice the sun than not to notice her, and I couldn’t tear my gaze away.
Her pale-yellow dress was like sunlight personified, just like the person who wore it.
Her fingers nervously bunched her skirt as she came to a stop, the muscle of her thigh visible through the long slit that ran up one leg.
A swirling pattern embellished the flowing, liquid-like fabric, small beads casting delicate reflections like sunbeams through stained glass.
Her one shouldered neckline featured two thin, yellow straps that lay flat against her darker skin.
There was a gentle buzz in my ears as the world seemed to narrow around her and her alone.
My head was full of forbidden thoughts as I drank in every detail.
The curls of her hair that seemed to form a halo around her head in the dying light, the way that dress effortlessly hugged the curves of her body, the regality of her posture, the glow of her amber eyes…
“Tobias?”
It took a long second to realize my sister had joined us, let alone that she had spoken. “Yes?”
Eva looked at me askance. “I was just saying hello.”
“R-right,” I stammered. “Hello to you too.”
For once, I hoped she attributed my ineloquence to the years spent without a voice, rather than the real reason.
Quinn smiled at me, and that buzzing sensation returned. “Ready for tonight?”
I forced myself to respond coherently this time. “Something like that. Is tonight the fae version of a rehearsal dinner?”
Eva grimaced. “Just a dinner among friends. I thought we would do things how I would’ve done them before the entire realm joins us tomorrow.”
She wore a champagne dress that brought out the gold in her eyes. The silver-star necklace our parents had given her glinted at her collarbone, but my gaze caught on a pair of matching earrings resting against the curls of her chestnut hair—likely a gift from Bash.
The large black dog that usually followed Bash around sat behind her like her own personal shadow. Phantom’s ears were perked at attention, his tail raised and still as he sniffed the air. Strange for a dog that I had only seen asleep at Bash’s feet or begging for a treat.
Phantom whined low in his throat, and Eva reached over to scratch behind his ear. I took the opening to really look at my sister, my brow furrowing as I did so.
There were circles under Eva’s eyes that I didn’t remember from our last visit, a slight pallor to her tan skin despite the warm weather. She looked nearly as sleepless as I knew I did.
“You okay, sis?” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. “You look tired.”
Eva’s mouth twitched. “Gee, thanks. I’ve been busy. The rebuilding is a continual process, magic or no, and I have been planning a wedding…”
She sighed heavily, and I immediately felt awful.
“I just meant…I hope you aren’t running yourself too ragged. If there’s something I can do to help…”
Eva smiled, though something about it seemed off. “Thanks, Toby. I’m glad you’re here.”
Get it together, you absolute idiot.
“But you look lovely,” I quickly added. “I mean it.” I cleared my throat, letting my gaze flick over Quinn’s yellow dress once more. “You too, Sagray.”
“Thanks,” Quinn said dryly, though there was a blush decorating her cheekbones that hadn’t been there before.
A few waitstaff walked in with covered trays. Quinn moved closer to me to get out of their way, her arm brushing against mine. The casual touch would have meant nothing with anyone else, but from her it felt excruciatingly intimate.
I closed my eyes, allowing myself a single moment to center myself. To breathe her in.
When I opened them, Yael and Marin had walked outside.
Both wore bright, celebratory colors—Yael in a flowing, one-shouldered turquoise jumpsuit, Marin in a blue lace dress adorned with silver flowers.
Rivan and Bash followed, the latter of whom stared at my sister as if she was the only one in the room.
Rivan’s dark green doublet shimmered slightly in the light, and Bash’s black jacket had golden embroidery to match his anima.
Shadows blended into his sleeves, though one brave strand swooped forward to curl around Eva’s exposed ankle.
Bash took Eva’s hand, yanked her against him, and kissed her soundly.
Yael brought two fingers into her mouth and let out a loud whistle.
I looked away to give them some privacy—then immediately regretted it when it brought my focus back to our surroundings.
The skyline seemed to widen, the space above me simultaneously pressing down while beckoning me into bright oblivion.
The greetings and chatter faded into the background as the group walked to the entirely too exposed table in the center of the balcony. Clenching my teeth, I focused on putting one foot in front of the other as I followed Quinn to our seats.
The menu in front of me blurred together as I reached for my goblet of wine, thankful it was already poured.
I rarely resorted to drinking, not when the lack of control was more disconcerting than the open sky.
But I had a feeling that a glass or two might be the only way I would make it through the evening, let alone tomorrow’s main event.
Yael exclaimed loudly about the décor as she settled in across from me. I had barely noticed the faerie lights hovering slightly above the table, the fresh eucalyptus that stretched along its length and the bright begonias dotting the greenery.
“It’s nice seeing you out and about,” Yael said brightly as she caught my eye. “It’s been too long since you’ve visited.”
She winced just as Marin gave her a pointed look. I had a feeling that Marin had kicked her under the table.
My jaw worked as I weighed my response. “It’s nice to see my sister.”
“I imagine it’s still novel to be together after those years apart,” Rivan added, looking at me knowingly. “Especially here.”
Marin grimaced slightly. “I imagine Tobias’s experience puts our venue in a different perspective.”
Making sure to school my face in the aloof veneer I had long since perfected, I finished my glass, then focused on pouring another. I couldn’t stand their sympathy. The gentle hesitancy of their words, the way their kindness and compassion rankled, despite knowing it was well meaning.
Quinn’s leg brushed against mine. “I’m glad we could all get together to make some better memories here, especially with Bash and Eva the reason why.”
Except Quinn, of course. As always, she excelled at being the exception. She expertly steered the conversation away from me and my obvious discomfort, turning the discussion back to the impending nuptials while I tried not to focus on the darkening sky.
Quinn smiled cheerily, lifting her goblet. “To finding the person who makes your heart feel whole.”
“Cheers to that,” Yael said jovially, clinking her goblet against hers.
“To the happy couple,” Marin added. “And your future happiness as well.”
The clink of goblets echoed around the table. I shifted slightly, lifting my goblet gently against Quinn’s.
“To happiness,” she murmured, those amber eyes softening. I nodded, unable to bring myself to respond, yet entirely unable to look away.