Tobias #2
Did she feel that same pull that I felt whenever I looked at her?
I had spent years learning an unimaginable level of control.
In fact, each day of it was still carved in an endless tally on the stone wall of my cell somewhere deep beneath us.
And yet the beckoning of her amber gaze was a lure I couldn’t escape.
It was a siren’s call, a longing that never seemed to ebb.
I was standing on a precipice, fighting the urge to leap and falling anyway in a strange sort of vertigo.
Bash got to his feet, smiling as he took Eva’s hand.
He brushed a kiss against the scar on her palm, then the back of her hand before raising his goblet.
“To my anima. My perfect match, and a High Queen unlike any other. I will never stop loving you, no matter what the future brings. As long as you’re by my side, I have no doubt that these years will be the best of my life. ”
Glasses clinked again, and I took a deep swig of the lush red wine, forcing a tight-lipped smile to my face when my sister glanced my way.
I should’ve made more of an effort to reach out these past few months.
Gods knew we had both been busy, Eva especially as she worked to coordinate the needs of everyone and everything that needed help after the war with the False King.
But the relief on her face at seeing even that poor effort made the wine turn bitter in my mouth, settling in my stomach like a stone.
I should do better. She warranted that much from me after the way I abandoned her following our parents’ deaths.
I could invite her to visit Soleara again and make a real effort to reconnect this time, even if that meant I had to play host. I was well aware she was giving me space “until I was ready”.
The group that congregated in my kitchen wasn’t nearly as quiet as they thought they were, especially after a few drinks.
Plus, Quinn could use the company. Though she had made friends with Pari, Akeno, and Thorin, she spent far too much time alone.
Lately, she barely even had time for them.
She worked on her experiments late into the night and stayed shut in her room almost as much as I did.
I often walked past her door to see light streaming through the crack at the bottom, my fae hearing straining to understand her mutterings to herself.
Despite all Quinn was doing to help everyone else, I knew she could use someone to assist her.
Someone to help her take notes, based on the pen marks often covering her hands, or at least make sure she remembered to take a break and eat.
Every time I considered offering my own services, my fist had frozen in front of her door before I could knock, my throat tightening until I risked choking on my tongue.
Then I fled like the coward I was, locking my door behind me—moving my blanket to the floor to avoid the too-soft bed before I could close my eyes.
At least my nightmares hadn’t woken her. In a cruel imitation of their contents, the fact that I was unable to cry out with that mask muting my voice meant that while I woke up from them drenched in sweat and trembling, my silent screams stayed trapped in my throat.
“Tobias?”
With a start, I realized Quinn was offering me a basket of bread, her eyes flickering with concern.
The others had started eating, paying us no mind.
Rivan loudly shared a story about his mother accompanying him to assist the Esterrans rebuild after the coup that had nearly taken down King Elias and his anima Noam.
Hastily, I took the basket.
A current traveled between us as our fingers brushed, the static nearly making me drop it. I placed the basket on the table before murmuring a quiet, “Thank you.”
“It’s nice sharing a meal together. I wouldn’t be against doing it more often, you know…like old times.” Quinn sounded hopeful but resigned, like she already knew what my answer would be.
I was careful not to let any reaction show on my face.
We never dined together despite living in the same house half the time.
She seemed to think it was an accident, a result of our schedules.
Or maybe she realized I was avoiding both the intimacy of dining with her and the inevitable attempt at getting me to open up to her again.
Likely the latter. After all, she was the smartest person I knew.
Either way, I had no plans to stop. It was hard enough to maintain my composure.
“Just like old times,” Eva chimed in. “Except less training beforehand.”
“We can fix that,” Rivan interjected to a chorus of groans.
Eva laughed, shaking her head. “When we were teenagers, the three of us would spend every Saturday training. Whoever was the overall winner got to pick what was for dinner.”
That felt like a different life. Those happy, carefree kids, full of casual banter and high school drama. Not that most high schoolers spent their weekends fencing in their parents’ secluded backyard, running drills and playing strategy games.
“Luckily, Tobias and I had the same taste in pizza toppings,” Quinn said with a conspiratorial grin at me that made my stomach flip. “Whenever Eva won, we had to suffer through pineapple.”
“A travesty,” I muttered.
“Truly,” Quinn agreed with faux seriousness.
She winked at me, and my cheeks burned.
“We’ll have to host a pizza night in Soleara soon,” Quinn said as I looked down at my plate. “It’s been too long since you’ve visited, Eva.”
“You and Tobias can take us hiking,” Eva said brightly. “I bet the wildflowers this time of year are beautiful. I’ve been looking for an excuse to get lost in the mountains.”
It was an effort to hide my horror at the prospect.
Quinn lifted her goblet. “Glad to hear you’re not into hiking alone anymore.” She glanced my way. “That would be fun. There’s too much of Soleara I haven’t explored yet, and so much more to see now that the winter’s finally thawed.”
I carefully laid my fork against my plate, unable to stomach another bite.
The thought of going outdoors for fun, let alone spending the day beneath the open sky, made me want to melt into the stone beneath my feet.
And turning them both down? It would be yet another excuse I would need to make in a long list of excuses.
Another disappointment to add to the rest.
My vision blurred. It took longer than usual to wrangle that familiar helplessness, the dread that never seemed to ebb.
Picking up my wine, I downed the rest in a single gulp. Then I coldly pushed everything I was feeling deep down, picturing the cell to hold them. With an effort, I shoved everything behind those bars until I heard a key turn in a lock.
“I wonder if there’s a path to the top from the outside of the mountain,” Eva mused.
This time, the words floated past me. I would make an excuse when the time came, and they would go without me. It was better for everyone that way.
“I thought we’d fixed your danger-finding streak,” Quinn said with mock dismay.
Bash let out a heavy sigh. Eva elbowed him in his side.
“I wouldn’t have you any other way,” Bash murmured. He lifted Eva’s chin with the crook of his pointer finger before pressing a kiss to her lips.
Quinn glanced toward me, something in her expression faltering as our eyes met. I knew what she would see—the mask I slipped on like a second skin, like the one I spent so long hating had never been cleaved from my face.
Something deep inside me reached for her like a lifeline, the feelings I buried straining to escape the prison I created for them.
I looked away.