Chapter 11
Several days had passed since Chloe and Nathaniel had gone to the orphanage to meet Eliza. It broke her heart to realize that her daughter was wary of her, but she couldn’t really blame the child.
She couldn’t help but recall instances of her own past when prospective parents or well-meaning people came to the orphanage looking for a child to adopt or take on as an apprentice and always ended up overlooking her.
She didn’t know why. She’d never been through what Eliza had though, being taken away from the orphanage by not one but two different families and then returned.
Yesterday the two of them had taken a short walk from the orphanage and down to the banks of the creek that ran nearby.
It was time to tell Eliza the truth, or at least part of it.
She shook her head, realizing that one day soon, all her half-truths were going to come back to haunt her, as if they hadn’t already.
While Dalia and Lillian had taken her under their wings, offering friendship and support, she’d noted that Nathaniel had spoken little to her since that first day. He was polite, but withdrawn. He did his best to avoid being alone with her. He spoke little.
She felt sorry for that, for she truly liked and admired him, perhaps even a little more than that, but she had no right. She was still a married woman, though she’d not heard a word about Everett in seven years.
She sighed as she and her daughter stood on the creek bank. “Eliza, let’s sit down here for a few minutes so we can talk.”
Eliza was such a lovely girl, but she didn’t talk much. Oh, she watched. She watched people with eyes that seemed to notice everything, her face blank of expression most of the time. At the orphanage she played with her friends and laughed often.
Yet with her, Chloe had yet to break through a stoicism that would put any adult to shame. She wanted to get past it, and in order to do so, realized that the girl needed to know the truth about her. The truth might be the only way to gain her trust.
Eliza said nothing, as usual, but sat down, staring at the water flowing by and watching a dragonfly hovering over the water before flitting away. By now, Chloe knew that she had to be the one to break the silence, as Eliza had yet to ask her a single question about anything.
Chloe sat down next to Eliza, who’d tucked her legs up close to her chest, hugging her arms around the skirt of her dress. The child stared at the water watching the ripples as it bubbled over several rocks, her thoughts her own.
“Eliza, you’re probably wondering why I’d like to bring you home with me.
” Home. It wasn’t her home. Eliza darted a glance at her before turning back to the creek.
Butterflies fluttered in her stomach and her heart raced.
She felt the beginning of a headache, almost prompting her to put off the truth for another day.
“I grew up in an orphanage too,” she began.
That caught Eliza’s interest. The child slowly turned to watch Chloe as she lifted her own knees, rocking slightly as she tucked her skirt and wrapped her arms around her legs just like Eliza. She hadn’t even realized she’d done it until Eliza lifted her eyebrows.
“Unlike you however, no families ever showed an interest in me.”
“Why not?”
Chloe shrugged softly. “Who knows? Maybe I was too old.” She cast a meaningful glance at Eliza. “I think we both know by now that people looking for a child want the younger ones. The babies and toddlers.”
Eliza frowned but nodded. Chloe worked up her courage and tried to smile. “You seem to have made a lot of friends with the children. Do you like it here at the orphanage?”
Eliza didn’t answer right away. “I suppose. Miss Bethany and Miss Sally and Miss Melanie are nice, and so is Mister Williams.” She paused. “Did you have friends when you were at the orphanage?
Chloe wasn’t sure how much detail to get into but wanted to tell as much of the truth as she dared. “No, and the adults at the orphanage weren’t nearly as kind and caring as they are here.”
“So no one ever took you home?”
“No.” She heaved a soft sigh. “I had one friend though, but when he turned sixteen he was told to leave.”
She remembered those days, how her stomach felt hollow all the time and fear trickled down her spine the moment she woke, thinking of Silas being gone, of being left alone at the orphanage until the day that she too would be told it was time for her to leave.
“He was the only friend I really ever had at the orphanage, so when he was told to leave, I told them I was leaving too.”
Eliza’s eyes widened. “You ran away from the orphanage?”
“I left,” she said firmly. “I was sixteen years old too, and believed I knew everything, that I could get along just fine.” She looked down at Eliza.
“But my friend and I, we soon realized that it was a lot harder living outside of the orphanage without any skills that would help either of us to get a decent job.”
“What did you do?” Eliza shifted and turned toward Chloe.
Chloe hesitated but finally continued. “Well, I’ll tell you one thing, we just about starved.
And it was cold. Winter was coming and we had nowhere to live, nothing but the clothes we wore on our backs when we left.
” She hesitated. How much to tell? “Sometimes we found an abandoned cabin to sleep in and stayed for a day or two, and at other times we slept in alleys, making small shelters out of tossed away boxes or crates.”
Eliza frowned.
Even at six years old, the child seemed to understand hardship, even if those hardships were of a different kind. “I don’t want that to happen to you, Eliza, and that’s why I came here. For you.”
“Why?”
Chloe felt a jolt to her heart. Her eyes not leaving Chloe’s, her heart thumped in her chest and her head swam a little, but she knew it was time to tell the truth. Be of good courage and the Lord will strengthen your heart. “Chloe, I came here for you because … because I’m your mother.”
Eliza didn’t move, didn’t even blink. She stared at Chloe for what seemed like forever. Only then did Chloe note the lowering eyebrows and the formation of a frown. What would she do if her own child rejected her? Then again, could Chloe blame her?
“You’re my mother.”
It wasn’t a question. Chloe nodded. “Yes, Eliza.” She tried to smile but couldn’t manage it. Tears swam in her eyes as she waited.
“Then why am I at an orphanage? An orphanage is a place for children without parents.”
This was the hardest part. “You remember me telling you how hard it was to live on the streets?” Eliza simply stared at her, no expression on her face.
“Well, my friend and I, we met someone. He was a little older and he kind of took us under his wing, showed us how to survive.” She paused.
Her mouth felt so dry she could barely swallow.
“Anyway, when I was eighteen, I married him—”
“Who?”
“His name doesn’t matter right now.” She looked away from Eliza’s steady gaze and turned toward the water, watching the dragonfly.
“I believed I loved him, and I believed he loved me too, but I don’t think he really did.
I began to feel like a burden again. Then things happened and I realized I couldn’t stay with him.
” She couldn’t tell Eliza that her father was an outlaw.
“Why?”
“He wasn’t a very nice man.”
“Why?”
Chloe said nothing for several moments before heaving a long, shaky side.
“I’d rather not get into that right now,” she said softly.
“Let’s just say that I felt I was in danger, and I was carrying you, and I was afraid for you and me both, so …
so I ran away.” She turned to Eliza, who looked up at her with no expression.
She shook her head. “I was very young, with no job, no prospects, and no one to take care of me. I had no means to take care of a baby—”
“So you threw me away.”
Chloe gasped in shock and warm tears filled her eyes.
“No, no, Eliza, I didn’t throw you away.
I wanted you, wanted you so very much, but I could hardly take care of myself, let alone a baby.
A preacher and another kind woman helped me.
They told me that the best thing I could do for you was to place you in an orphanage where you had a chance.
Where it was warm, where there was food and shelter and people to look after you. ”
Eliza frowned again, her cheeks growing red. “They were mean to me there, at the first orphanage. They didn’t let us speak unless we were spoken to. They wouldn’t let me play in the stables, and when they caught me, they made me stand in the corner for hours.”
Chloe’s heart thumped hard in her chest. “I’m so sorry, Eliza. I believed it was a safe, happy place.”
“What do you care?” Eliza muttered. “You didn’t want me at all. No one does.”
Chloe’s heart broke. How could she make the child understand? “Oh, I wanted you very much, Eliza, truly I did. You must believe that. But I had no way to take care of you, to give you the things that a child needs: food, clothing, a home. And …”
“And what?” Eliza asked, her voice hard. “I was too much trouble? That’s what the people who said they wanted to adopt me told me last year.”
Chloe’s heart pounded even harder. “Why would they think you were too much trouble?”
For several moments, Eliza didn’t answer.
Finally, she looked at Chloe, a mutinous expression on her face.
“Because I didn’t want to wear the uncomfortable dresses they bought, and I didn’t have any table manners.
” She paused, her chest heaving with emotion.
“And I did a bad job scrubbing the floor, and they wanted me to play with the dolls, which is for babies, and they wouldn’t let me help feed the yard animals or anything fun! ”
Chloe gazed at her daughter, amazed that she had found at least something they had in common. “You know what, Eliza? I don’t like frilly dresses either.”