13. Stellan
STELLAN
I'd spent the better part of an hour on the note, which was ridiculous.
I was an adult and sitting at my kitchen table after midnight, crossing out and reciting a set of directions to a place in the woods. This could have been done in one sentence, but I was trying to inject some fun and playfulness into what should be a momentous occasion.
Notes had become my thing. The first one I’d left by his bed the night he drank too much and the second was more intimate after our night together.
After rereading what I’d written, I was finally satisfied this was the final version.
Come to the woods behind the store. Saturday, 4:00.
Follow the path until you reach the tree that looks like it’s flipping you off.
You’ll know it. Turn left. Go past the rock that looks like Jon trying to remember something.
Keep going until you hit the river, then sit on the flat stone and wait. Do not bring the cat.
I’d added do not bring the cat at the last second because Marmalade was feisty and she might attack my beast, trying to protect Miles.
I slid the note under his door, but first, I’d gone down to the courtyard and made sure his lights were off. The last thing I wanted was him opening the door and reading the note while I stood there being awkward.
As usual when I was contemplating my life with Miles and all the things that could go wrong, I didn’t get much sleep.
Saturday morning, I checked that Indigo was okay at Rudy’s until late afternoon, and I left for the woods hours before I needed to.
At three o’clock, I removed my clothes and folded them in a hollow log as I usually did.
After giving my beast his fur, I waited and enjoyed the quiet away from work and neighbors and the effort of having to hide myself around humans.
He’s coming, my bear said, before I heard anything. His hearing was much better than mine.
But then I heard him too, and this convinced me more than anything that he and I were destined. His brain worked like mine. Most people would have thrown up their hands at trying to follow my ridiculous directions.
And Miles was narrating, that was something he and my daughter had in common.
“Okay.” His voice floated through the trees as he talked to himself. “A tree that’s flipping me off. Hmmm, that could be any tree or none at all. I hate you, Stellan, for making me do this.”
He paused his talking. “Oh wait. That tree, that one there.” His voice rose. ”It’s definitely flipping me off. You’re such a rude tree, but I’ll take it. Back at you.”
If I’d been in human form, I wouldn’t have been able to contain my giggles.
“Okay, now I have to go left.”
I stayed where I was between two tall trees and waited for him to find me.
“How am I supposed to find a rock that looks like Jon? How? That’s impossible.”
His footsteps came closer and then nothing. He must have stopped and started again.
“That rock. It… yeah, it could be Jon, and he always has that faraway look on his face when he’s pondering. Oh my gods, that’s the rock.” He chuckled and gave himself a high five. “I am so good at this, and I should put this skill on my resumé.”
Miles arrived at the clearing by the river. He was dressed well in a nice jacket. Perhaps he’d expected to be greeted with a table and chairs, linen napkins, and champagne. He was in for the shock because I was a paper napkin kinda guy and there were none here, just a gigantic furry bear.
Miles sat on a flat rock and looked at the water rushing past. He hadn't seen my bear, but the woods provided camouflage for a huge hulking beast. He was close enough that I could hear his breathing, and I loved that it was just him and my bear surrounded by the place my beast adored most in the world.
“I don’t know if you’re here yet, and I feel a little silly sitting here and talking to nature. But I adore how you made me work for this, instead of giving me a map with the exact location.
He picked at the hem of his jacket. “About the other night. I want you to know it wasn't just a one-time thing for me. I adore you and your cat-loving daughter.”
Miles got up and picked up a stone before flinging it into the river.
“I keep thinking you’re going to do the thing you do where you’re about to reveal something and disappear because it’s too much. I’m not going to let that scare me off, but it would be easier if I knew where we were headed.”
He flung another rock into the water.
“I’m not going anywhere. Bear or no bear, and no matter what all the shifters in the building think of me.
You and Indie were the only people who didn’t scare me when I moved in.
You two are my people, Stellan, and my wish was for you to stop bracing yourself for me to leave. But we’re past that now.”
I had to show myself, or my bear did, before Miles thought I’d stood him up, and I urged my beast to step out of the trees.
My mate, who I adored, didn’t scream. He did stand and his hands were clenched, but he was meeting a bear, a wild animal, with me inside the beast, and I didn’t expect a cuddle.
“Okay.” He took a couple of deep breaths, and his voice had gone up an octave.
“Well, okay, ummm, hi.” He gave an awkward little wave.
“That’s a lot… of you. There’s so much more to you than the regular amount, ummm, of you.
” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m pleased to meet you, and I’m being completely normal.
There’s nothing awkward about me.” He held up his trembling hands. “See, no nerves.”
He took a step toward my beast and almost tripped over his feet. “It just occurred to me, this bear might not be you. Oh gods, what if I am about to be eaten?”
Bears don’t eat people. We kill them sometimes, but we don’t eat them. Yuck.
Sit, I told my beast, so you’re not as threatening. And put your head on your paws. My instinct was to make my bear as small as possible until my mate got used to him. My beast had never done that before, but for Miles he would, ‘cause this omega meant everything to me.
Miles extended a hand toward my beast but retracted it. “Blink if you’re inside the bear. But maybe don’t do that because that might be what bears do just before they rip a human to shreds.”
It was time for me to take my skin, and the fur, claws, and paws fell away.
“It’s you.” He eyed my crotch. “And you’re naked.”
“Clothes don’t survive a shift.” I grabbed my pants and put them on because even though we’d been intimate, it was awkward having a conversation with me naked.
“Hi.” He examined my hands and chest and traced finger over my jaw. “You’re really you.”
“Mmmm. What do you think? Are you okay being with a guy who has a human and animal form? It’s a lot, I know.” This wasn’t something I could force on Miles.
“I can’t imagine not being with you. Yes, I was a little scared when I first saw you, but I kept telling myself, it was you in there and you would never hurt me.”
I pushed the hair back from his brow. “That’s right. The two people I treasure most in this world are you and Indigo. I wouldn’t frighten you on purpose.”
We both sat on the rock, and I slung an arm over his shoulder.
“What’s it like being inside your bear?”
No one had ever asked me that, though I had questioned my parents as a child before I met my beast.
“Warm, safe, and peaceful. If he’s eating or catching fish and there’s no danger, I can sleep or think about something not related to bears and shifting.”
He asked me more about my daughter’s inability to control the bear she had yet to meet. “Will she get furry at school?”
I explained she attended a shifter school. “But like in the grocery store, there are often mishaps. That’s why we live in a shifter-only building, so we can cover up these little incidents.”
“Or not so little.” Miles put his hand in mine. “Well, you are a challenge, but I’ve never shied away from one.” He put his head on my shoulder.
“And though I never expected my mate would be human, I’ll face this challenge head-on.”
“Hey. I’m ordinary. Why would being with me be a problem?”
I bopped his nose. “You, my darling Miles, are anything but ordinary.”