Chapter 64
LONDON
After our first day of team-building activities, dinner was a much more subdued affair than it’d been last night. People were still chatting and chuckling, but I could tell they were all beat. All those days in front of our computers were showing.
The trust hike had been followed by a group puzzle and an obstacle course we’d had to navigate while being tied together. It’d been a blast and we’d definitely learned how to communicate better with our team, but even I could feel the after-effects of it all.
My muscles were sore and my brain was exhausted, but as far as I was concerned, it had been worth it.
We’d gotten to know each other a lot better and I had now learned that Luna responded to firm instructions if she was going to be given any instruction at all, while Nina needed to know what was expected of her but liked to be able to solve her own problems.
If it hadn’t been for the glacier between Liam and me, it would’ve been a perfect day. Successful, fun, and enlightening, but the glacier wasn’t only there—it was growing. He sat across the table from me, laughing with Sammy and Angela, our other web developer, but he hadn’t even looked at me once.
Perfectly pleasant to everyone else, he was doing a great job pretending everything was normal, but something had set him off during the trust hike. After that, it was like a switch had tripped and that last bit of connection between us was being blocked by a force field he’d put up around him.
I couldn’t take this tension between us anymore. These last few days of distance had me so on edge that I could barely think straight. I felt like my skin was crawling and itchy at the same time and it was driving me nuts.
Not having him near me, talking and laughing with me had been excruciating, and now that he wasn’t even stealing glimpses at me, I felt like a limb had been severed. I was done with it. I’d tried to talk to him when we’d both arrived and that conversation had hurt like hell, but I had to try again.
This couldn’t go on. As dinner finished and our staff started saying goodnight and got ready to go to their rooms, I waited for Liam to leave the deck. He finished the discussion he’d been having with Sammy, then gave the guy a wave and took off down the hallway he’d disappeared into yesterday.
I shot up like a bullet, tucking my hair behind my ears as I followed quietly behind him. Once we were alone and far enough down the hall that I doubted anyone would overhear us, I finally let him know I was there.
“Hey, can we talk for a minute? Outside.”
I heard him sigh. He turned, crossing his arms over his chest, and his chin went up. For a moment, he just stared at me, his expression hidden by the shadows being cast by the downlights behind him, but eventually, he nodded.
“I’ve got five minutes,” he said. “Super busy tonight. Lots to do.”
My eyes begged me to let them roll, but I fought the instinct and motioned to an exterior door in the floor-to-ceiling windows of the outside wall. “It’ll be quick. Don’t worry.”
At least, it would be if he let me do the talking. I sensed he still had a lot to say to me, but after our last conversation, there were really only two words I needed to tell him. I’m sorry.
Liam moved slowly toward the door, pressing down on the handle and pushing. I wondered whether he was hoping it’d be locked so he could use that as an excuse to get out of this, but it swung open easily and he sighed again.
Stepping back, he waved me out ahead of him and I went, stepping into the warm night air and taking a quick look around for an appropriate spot.
We had to be careful that we wouldn’t be visible from any of the bedrooms, so I walked away from the lodge, following a path that wound between the trees with the strategically placed lights shining onto them.
Deep in the garden were pathways lit only by faux lanterns and I followed one of those, walking silently until we came to a clearing near the stream. It was peaceful and calm out here, the gentle trickle of water running the only sound and huge trees blocking us from view.
As I turned to face him, my heart pounded and my cheeks suddenly felt hot.
I found his glittering gaze in the low light of the lanterns and finally I broke a little.
“I can’t do this anymore, Liam. I’m so, so sorry for what I did at that games night.
Honestly, I didn’t mean for it hurt you the way it did. I was on my way to you and then…”
I dragged in a deep breath after I trailed off, the words right on the tip of my tongue, but oh lord, if I said them, everything would change.
I wasn’t ready for that, but on the other hand, I wasn’t going back or leaving things the way they were.
I had to press forward, and in order to do that, I had to force my cards away from my chest.
Searching for a grain of bravery and courage deep down inside, I closed my eyes and grabbed hold of those grains as soon as I found them. Then I prayed this wasn’t a giant mistake. “I’m falling for you, Liam Jones. I can feel it happening and that is horrifically terrifying for me.”
Once those words were out, the rest came much easier, but my eyes were still closed. I couldn’t bear to look at him right then. It also wasn’t helping that he was keeping completely quiet, not saying a single word or making any sound.
Not even a sigh or a gasp.
“To be completely honest, if I lean in and actually give us a shot, which I know you want because, hello, I’m awesome.” I finally heard him chuckle softly and I smiled in response, the sound giving me the courage to open my eyes and look directly at him.
Once I saw the way his features had softened and his stance had relaxed, my heart rate picked up and I leveled with him in a way I never thought I would.
“If we did that and it didn’t work out, I would be truly devastated, Liam.
You’re not only my right hand and my partner in the company, but you really are my best friend.
If we tried to be together and it all fell apart, it would leave way too many holes in my life. ”
I swallowed past a lump tightening my throat. “I’m not sure I’d be able to handle that. You know me. I’m strong, and I’m stubborn, and I put on a really good front for the world, but when it comes right down to it, I will never be strong enough to survive losing you.”
“Ah, there it is. Finally.” A slow smirk curved his lips, but his face was still soft, his expression open. “You’re falling for me.”
My eyes rolled without asking my permission this time. “That’s not the point. It doesn’t matter how I feel if—”
He took a step closer and gave his head a firm shake. “Of course, it matters, London. It’s the only thing that does.”
“The risks matter too.” I felt warm pressure at the backs of my eyes and I blew out a sharp breath as I tried to fight the tears. “There are so many risks to think about.”
“Look,” he said confidently, still moving closer to me one small, slow step at a time.
“If we decide to actually give this a go, there would be a lot to work through. I get that. It was supposed to be a no-strings-attached arrangement. Easy. Simple. I think we’re well past that, though.
I think we’ve both got quite a lot of strings attached at this point. ”
Relief and agonizing pain crept up the inner reaches of my being, but I kept them both at bay for now. “There are so many strings for me. Strings everywhere. Too many strings really.”
“You’re not the only one who would be taking a risk.
” He came to within three feet of me but suddenly stopped walking and pulled in an audible breath before he lifted his hands to drag them through his hair.
“I have my own reservations about trying this. You are awesome, and of course, I want you, but if we ever have a falling out or a horrible breakup, I couldn’t be around you day in and day out. ”
He exhaled a long breath, those eyes boring into mine.
“It would hurt too much, but it also wouldn’t be fair to the people we lead, which means I’d have to quit my job and go work for my family.
That, in and of itself, is a huge risk, and that’s not to mention that I’d be losing your friendship too. ”
“Exactly,” I whispered, my throat too tight to even speak properly now. “I know how badly you don’t want to leave your job with us. Without anything else, that risk is too big, isn’t it?”
“No.” I nearly fell flat on my ass at the confidence in his tone when he said the word, and he smiled when he saw the surprise that must’ve flickered across my face.
“I’m serious, London. I’m willing to risk it for you.
We can take it one day at a time and see where it goes.
We just have to stop taking stabs at each other through other people and let fate run its course. ”
My heart rate doubled as I stared back at him, so close and yet still so far. Being open to a relationship with Liam was my greatest fear and my deepest wish wrapped into one. He was only three feet away, but that was about to change—one way or another.
It was up to me whether he turned around and walked away, or whether he took me into his arms and hopefully never let me go. I knew what I wanted. All I had to do was grab my ovaries and jump in.
“Okay,” I said softly, my voice tight and wavering, but it became stronger as I kept going. “We take it one day at a time, though. And we’re not labeling it. Let’s just see what happens.”
Liam smirked, which made me quickly add, “And also, if you ever give me the cold shoulder like that again, I will king-fu kick your ass.”
He laughed. “I haven’t ever seen you suffer the way you did the last few days. It was fun, though. Same time next week?”
I groaned to hide my smile as I stepped forward to smack his arm. “Only if you’re prepared to have your ass kicked. Now kiss me so we can go to bed. I think those coaches are going to try to kill us again tomorrow.”
As seamlessly as if we’d rehearsed it, he took the final step into me just as I surged toward him. His arm slid around my waist in the same movement, his free hand coming up to wrap around the nape of my neck. His lips descended, his mouth sealing over mine for a kiss that took my breath away.
I leaned into it, physically and metaphorically, looping my arms around his neck and kissing him with every ounce of hope I had that we were making the right decision.
My body responded to him like a firework had been lit and tossed right into my libido.
A moan slid out of me when he stroked his tongue against mine.
Liam groaned and held me tighter. My boobs crushed against his chest as the kiss started running away with us, taking on a life all its own. I broke it abruptly, breathing hard and hating myself for putting an end to it, but this was a work weekend.
“We should really get to bed,” I murmured as I let go of him and took a big step back. “Good night, loser. I’ll see you in the morning.”
His low chuckle faded into a groan when I spun and walked toward the lodge, knowing that if I didn’t do it right now, I wouldn’t be going to sleep tonight at all.