Chapter 35 - A Thousand Choices
I pushed past the doors with the carved bulls and went to my wardrobe. I rifled amongst my linens until my hand found the Nordingaard crystal. The magic from the crystal sang into my palm as I retrieved it.
The crystal was not enough, so I searched further in the drawer. Like a whisper, the scrap of linen that held my embroidered flowers met my fingertips.
Once, I had told Riyan to find his flowers instead of his fear. As my own hands traced the stitches, I searched for something I could not find—proof I had ever deserved the man who had worn the flowers in the first place.
I grounded myself in the woven threads as my heart sank. Stitching Derrick’s mind had consumed so much of me that I had not stitched with real thread in days.
I had spent so much time in dreams that I forgot what something real even felt like.
The box with the pearl headband slid into my drawer as I buried it beneath my linens. As much as I wanted to put the headband on and admire it, I did not deserve the gift just yet.
I needed answers first.
My clothes slid off my skin and the Hyton dagger clattered to the floor as I released my garters. I pulled the satin ribbon of the choker around my neck and my lungs filled with cool air as the gentle warmth of the crystal flowed into my throat.
I wore nothing but the crystal as I crossed the room and twisted the sconce on the northern wall. I trembled as I crossed the tiles, but then I gritted my teeth and sat at the edge of the pool.
The threads of the flowers rubbed against my fingers as I wrung the scrap of linen in my palm—my turn to find my flowers instead of my fear.
I slid my toes into the water, then my legs. With a final breath of courage, I pushed the rest of my body in. I kept a tight grip on the edge of the pool as my legs limply floated in the water.
I was not even sure if I could reach the Man of the Mountain through the false healing spring, but I had to try.
I closed my eyes and channeled the white flame in my heart that smoldered with the desire I had since the beginning.
The desire for what was real.
A low vibration hummed through the water. The ancient voice that was warm as flame but cutting as frost reverberated in my mind. “ Serafina, I have been waiting for us to talk again. ”
I swallowed. “So you can ask me to walk the earth in place of your lost bride?”
“ Later, Little Ember. You have to come to the place West of the Moon and East of the Sun before we can finish what we started. ”
“Why did we start it?” I hissed. “Your bride sacrificed herself for you and you think I can take her place? I am a damn snake. What in the high halls of hell makes me worthy of this gift?”
The water lapped around my shoulders, the magic within thrumming with energy.
“ I never asked my bride to give up everything for me. I wished she hadn’t. ”
A flicker of light stirred in my chest. Never had the Man of the Mountain sounded more like…a man. Not a legend, but a human.
“ But Death does not listen to matters of the heart, her only justice is balance. ”
I had heard of Death being like a woman before, but it was odd to hear the Man of the Mountain speak of her like she was merely on the other side of a negotiation.
“ When my bride gave me her powers, giving her life for mine, I became eternal. But for what? My grief had pulled me down to a place between the living world and the halls of hell so I could be as close to my beloved as possible. I could no longer walk the earth and use the power she gave me, so I searched for someone to shine with her light—never to replace her, but to let her live again. So, I chose Fraleigh and invited her to drink from the well of my tears. Her soul was not ripped from her body and thrown into the chasm with me like the others, but instead she was filled with magic, ready to receive the gift. But as soon as her father sacrificed himself for her and she chose eternity…I saw her future. I knew then that she would never walk freely like my bride. I saw a new path and let everything fall into place. ”
A new path…that led to me.
I always thought my resemblance to the bride in the old song was a fun coincidence. Riyan blood-bonding with me had already filled my body with magic so I could receive the flaming diamond in my heart. Riyan having that magic inside him in the first place was because of Ganora.
Did the Man of the Mountain really bend centuries of history just to let the circumstances end up as they were?
“ I only fight Death and arbitrate bargains and the twists of reality as people make them. Though I may interfere through a whisper to those who carry my gifts, I cannot dictate the will of a mortal heart. Each choice made in love or sacrifice was a stepping stone in the path that led to you. From Ganora and Daigen all the way down to the young Duke and Riyan…everything was a choice. ”
The magnitude of carrying a gift made from the sacrifices of so many souls weighed in my stomach.
“ Over a millennium, thousands of young women carried my bride’s likeness, hundreds carried her spirit, and dozens could have walked the earth in her stead, but very few had the opportunities of circumstance that fell into place like footsteps leading to where you stand now—ready to receive her power of deathless wonder in its entirety. ”
I kicked my legs limply in the water. “So it was all based on circumstance—hapless luck?”
“ Is it not always hapless luck when we meet a person our soul sings for? You can manipulate the circumstances all you like, but you cannot force an ember to awaken. ”
In response, the tiny ember within my heart burned bright red.
I ignored the ember and hissed out a breath. “And I am still a monster, remember? You knew I wanted power above all else, and you still gave me your gift?”
“ Your winter has passed yet you still prefer the cold, ” he said with what sounded like a sneer. “ The love you still deny is more powerful than any gift I ever gave you. ”
When my brothers left, I had thrown stones at the innocence of love until it shattered within me. I hardened my skin into scales. I manipulated everyone I could.
After cutting my tongue with so many lies it became forked, why would anyone ever love me?
Both my white flame and my red ember went quiet. I could not even feel the linen beneath my palm as I gripped the edge of the pool. A tear dripped off my lashes.
I deny love because I do not deserve it.
I deny love because I still have not earned it.
“ A lie so heinous you cannot even speak it! ” The Man of the Mountain was angrier than I had ever heard him. “ Do you think I earned my bride’s sacrifice? You have the gift of sorcery because I knew Riyan Bloodstone’s heart. When I kept you with me in the place West of the Moon and East of the Sun for two days, all he did was wish that you would awaken… ”
Suddenly the crystal on my neck warmed. The white light from my neck grew brighter and brighter until I had to slam my eyes shut.
Even though my eyes were closed, darkness could not touch me.
“Please wake up, Serafina! It’s been two days! Wake up, please!”
Riyan.
A gentle warmth filled my whole body. Was I connecting with him through my magic? Was a bath in the imitation healing spring all I needed to find him?
“A week,” Riyan said. “We’ve been married for a week. I couldn’t even make it seven days without breaking you too.”
No…I was hearing a memory. Riyan had said he cared for me in the crystal cave while I was asleep and talked to me until his throat was sore…
My heart jumped. The Nordingaard crystals in the cave had captured Riyan’s memories of him caring for me. But if that were true, that would mean his emotions were so intense that…
“I love you, is that what you need to hear? Is that how I wake you?” Riyan cried. “I love you, Serafina Helia. I love you. I would give anything to see you open those hazel eyes.”
My fingertips traced the facets of the heart-shaped crystal as my chest shook with a sob. The crystal did not just capture the intensity of Riyan’s despair or his fear of losing his bride, it captured his love for me.
That is why the crystal kept me calm—Riyan’s love was flowing into my skin the entire time.
And I had accepted it. Savored it. Craved it.
“Is this the world punishing me for all the bad things I have done?” Riyan’s voice broke. He was crying. “Why must you shoulder the consequences of my mistakes? I’m sorry, Serafina. I’m so sorry.”
My chest glowed with gentle white fire. I wanted to reach through the memories and hold him, to show him I was alive and hale not in spite of him, but because of him.
White light spread across my collarbone into my arms, filling up my fingertips with power. I parted my lips and my voice shook. “I cannot deny him any longer.”
The Man of the Mountain’s voice filled my mind. “ Then follow my one command—seek your heart’s desire, my monster. ”
I set my jaw and let my magic flow into the pool of tears. The water warmed around my legs. The intensity of the glow of each Nordingaard crystal in the pool passed through my eyelids.
I did not care what I was risking by using every bit of my power in the Duke’s chambers, not even the fold between worlds could keep Riyan from me.
“Sera?”
His voice caressed my ears and I slowly opened my eyes. I did not see the edge of the secret pool in Derrick’s chambers. Nor the edge of the glowing water.
All I saw was Riyan.