Chapter 49 - Goodbyes
Merya
A thin shower of cement pours over us from tiny gaps in the ceiling as light flows through old fractures in the walls and floor.
We all exchange worried looks, and our chests don’t stop nervously rising and falling even when the sudden shaking stops.
“What was that?” Mack asks seconds before a disembodied, raging scream fills the room, like a shock wave.
It throws me off my feet, knocking the breath out of my lungs when I hit the wall. White dots appear behind my eyelids, streaming down like shiny snowflakes every time I blink, trying to regain full view of the room.
Beneath the ringing in my ears, a voice calls for me.
“There’s a fracture—the barrier will not hold for much longer…” My brother offers me his hand as I cough up dust, and my legs try to remember how to hold me upright.
Inhaling rough air, I grab a glass of water from a trolley to my right and splash my face. Surprisingly, the room is intact despite the debris on my mouth and hands.
In the fading mist of cement, Mack’s features take shape. Except for some scratches on his forehead, he seems unarmed. Other figures are rising behind him like ghosts on a battlefield.
He brushes off more dust from my shoulders, takes my face in his hands, and slowly turns my neck left and right. “No visible trauma,” he nods, satisfied, but as if delaying the answer to my question.
“Mack?” I urge him.
He drops his head, avoiding my scrutiny. “Roden thought it was a good idea to send all his people against the fence—at once.”
In the corner of my eye, some monitors cast flickering images of the outside perimeter. They are unstable, but crisp enough to show the devastation caused by Roden.
As the voices of the others reach me increasingly defined and louder, I dash for the wider screen. Bodies lie on the ground, some twitching in silent pain, some charred, their clothes fused to their skin: my hand moves and zooms in despite the horror uncoiling before my eyes.
“Where is he? Where is Roden?” I pant. I’d do everything to distract my mind from the idea that Jyn may be among those corpses.
“He’s looking for a way in.” Tabitha’s strong, reassuring hand turns me around, blood running down her cheek from a cut to her temple.
Mack steps beside her, guilt on his face. “And it won’t take him long to find it. With the fence malfunctioning, every access to HQ, disguised by my building in ruins illusion, will soon be visible to the naked eye.”
“What about the tunnels?” Nikrah approaches, limping and using Lily like a living crutch.
“Their defence system is not connected to the fences. Roden shouldn’t be able to find them. However—”
“He can sense us.” Galen’s face is pale with traces of white dust that make him look drained and on the verge of giving up.
But the way he’s protecting Lucretia under his arm, the young Harvester curling her shaking fingers against her chest, forces me away from the monitors, from a scene of death I can no longer control.
We’re still alive.
Behind them, July looks at me, nodding as if understanding my increasing fear.
The last image I can recall is of her kissing Kris, just moments before the explosion of light.
They’re still holding hands when July steps forward.
“Roden’s connection with Galen’s mind is something he must have trained for years, but it was the only mind he could access from afar.
Until now. We don’t know what he can do with me now that there is nothing between us…
” She eyes the key at her neck. “Not even Mack’s genius will stop him now that only mere meters divide us. ”
She glances at her fingers, interlaced with Kris’, sadness veiling her eyes as she gifts him a smile, unspoken words they can only hear.
Their hands separate.
“Ms Drestall? Take us to The Mother,” she calls to Lily, but keeps her eyes on her hands as if directing the order to a July, who would rather forget about everyone and remain with Kris.
Lily pats some dust off the embroidered H of her long-sleeved, black shirt, after having lowered Nikrah on a chair, who stretches his right leg and tries to mask a grimace of pain with one of his usual proud smiles.
“Do you think you can keep up with us with that leg?” She slices a feline glance at him, a corner of her still perfectly rouged lips twitches with amusement.
“I bet she still hasn’t forgiven him for what happened with Amelia,” Mack whispers in my ear, gaining a puzzled look from Lucretia, who is finally standing alone without Galen’s help.
Grunting like a wounded bear, Nikrah pushes himself up, the chair groaning under his weight. “I can travel through those tunnels carrying you and little Sable on my back.”
At that, Tabitha clears her throat. She’s been observing us, probably wondering - like me - when and if we will see Jyn again and if we can even leave this room before Roden finds us. Unless it’s already too late.
She steps between us, hands folded on her front, her voice rough with dust and fear, “Sable is safe in one of the secret rooms in the north-west tunnel. I thought Brenath may be safe, but The Mother is where our stronger firepower is. It’s been hard convincing her that I will follow up soon.
Please, protect her at any cost…” Tears shine in her eyes, tears she tries to hide, rubbing her face.
“It’s time to go. There are supplies upstairs. Take what you can carry.”
We heedfully climb the stairs to the upper levels in silence, like a mountain of sharp rocks and shards of glass. Tabitha leads the group with Galen, followed by Nik, and Lily just behind him to catch him should his leg give up.
Mack mumbles behind me about possible improvements to the building and new animal scouts like his Rary. Nobody interrupts his train of thought because we all know that’s his way to relax and think straight.
The young Harvester climbs beside him, listening to his monologue, enthralled.
July and Kris close the line. They’re quiet, not even a whisper escapes their mouths. I’ve seen them like this before. Every time they had to say goodbye, before Kris would confine himself to his room for days, conscious that July had probably already forgotten him.
A new wave of Roden’s power nearly swipes us off our feet on the landing between the first and the second floor.
“He’s getting stronger and closer. Galen?
Any hint of his mind trying to infiltrate yours—” Another, angrier blow rattles the building from its foundations.
Books and picture frames fall off the shelves, carved inside the walls, and the tubular lights oscillate above us, threatening to come off their hinges.
We regroup on the landing, around Tabitha, who rolls up her sleeves and pulls up her silver hair in a tight bun, the dancing lights catching at the metal rings decorating her thin braids.
“This is where we go our separate ways,” she whispers the dreadful words between her teeth, biting them as if to make them less painful. “Say your goodbyes now.” Her eyes linger on July and Kris before considering the rest of us.
Mack walks up to me, but his attention is on someone else. “I don’t need much, only a change of clothes, better boots, my maps and notes. I can help others gather their essentials.”
I’m about to open my mouth. I know how distracted he can get if he is overwhelmed by too many tasks, especially if he is on his own and in a rush.
But Lucretia precedes me. “I don’t know the building; I don’t mind having a guide. Besides, I can’t go anywhere in this.” She runs her hands up and down her body, on her poor choice of clothes.
“You’ve never been anywhere but Libera, have you, Harvester?” I comment, causing, to my surprise, not her reaction, but Mack’s.
“We don’t call them that anymore, sis. Remember?” He nudges me with his elbow.
I scoff, intercepting Tabitha’s stern look. “Fine, do what you must, but meet us by the lake in thirty. You as well,” - I point at Mack - “I’m not making exceptions. If you’re late, you’re on your own. Hesitation doesn’t rhyme with war.”
But family does, and he’s all that I have left.
“Yes, sir!” he asserts, bringing his fist to his heart before holding out his hand to Lucretia, causing a brief moment of amusement among the rest of us.
But as soon as they disappear up the stairs to the bedrooms and the attic, where we store spare clothes and backpacks, the atmosphere becomes oppressive again.
Tabitha starts pacing across the small square space, her boots smudging the white marble floor with mud and dry soil.
“Are you sure going separate ways is the best option?” Galen asks.
“Unless you want to serve us all to Roden in one meal.” Tabs retorts with a sharpness that doesn’t belong to her. But I understand that the thought of my only child being alone and in danger would turn me into a snapping snake all the same.
“I’m sure Galen didn’t mean to sound rude. Or selfish. Or ungrateful. Or…”
“We get it, Nik. Now shut up and get our stuff ready. We need extra backpacks for July, Galen and Lucretia.” Lily chimes in, annoyed, before focusing her eyes on July, like little diamonds in a sea of black lava.
“You can ask your million questions, I’m sure you have, later.
And, please, if you need to give Kris a special goodbye, do it quickly and away from us. ”
Moved by the increasing tension, or just needing a quick reminder that I’m still alive, I snort a laugh. A loud one that sounds more like a bark.
“I’m so—I’m sorry.”
“Thank. You.” Kris drops his elbow on my shoulder, resting his head on it. “We’re not dead yet. We’ve been here before…” In the corner of my eye, I see him staring at July as if she’s the only one in the room.
“We will make it to the other side again.” He proclaims with such hope, I’d kiss him if he had no stubble and softer breasts.
He spins towards me, grabbing me by the shoulders and gently bumping my forehead with his.
“I couldn’t ask for a better soldier to go on an adventure with.
Let this battle be the last so we can celebrate properly with some of that mind-blowing blue concoction Mack brewed by accident. ”
He then turns to Tabitha. “I’ll miss your attempts at cooking soups. I promise I’ll show you all the spots in the garden where Sable and I poured our portions since she’s been able to walk and conspire like an adult.”
The loud echo of Tabitha’s steps fills the space as she marches towards him, hugging and lifting him off the floor.
“Okay, you can put me down now. I won’t tell Mack I’m your favourite.”
As she lowers him down, Tabitha gently pats his face. “You stay alive.” She touches a finger to his nose, sniffing the same way Sable does, scrunching her nose like a giant bunny. “Move at night and stay underground as much as possible,” she orders, quickly glancing at me.
I nod a silent Don’t worry.
On the opposite side of the landing, Galen has been observing us in silence, leaning against the wall with his hands behind his back.
What he did to July only a few hours ago still burns in my mind.
Even knowing that Roden was behind his odd behaviour, stitching up his leg, without anaesthetic, was cathartic enough.
“Are you not going to say ‘see you soon’?” I mumble.
He scratches his neck, considering, before pushing away from the wall to stomp towards me. But I meet him halfway, throwing my arms around him.
“Keep an eye on those two ladies,” I say against his neck.
He pats my back, breaking our embrace. “If anything, I’ll come back alive thanks to them.” His gaze flutters towards July for a second. I can’t begin to imagine how heavy his heart feels.
Forcing a smile, I ruffle his hair. “Don’t miss me too much…”
Because I will.
In response, Galen flicks my nose and bows. “I’ll never deprive you of my wonderful presence.”
Someone behind us clears his throat. “I know I can trust you…” Kris approaches us, his eyes struggling to settle on his brother’s face, but speaking volumes of what’s in his mind. Keep her safe.
July. The last person he has to say goodbye to. The hardest goodbye. The one we don’t have the right to witness.
“I’ll be by the lake,” I quickly inform everyone. I can’t hug Tabitha; that’ll destroy every last particle of stability I have in me. We have too many things to say to each other.
She knows, as she briefly nods at me.
And as I scurry away, I hear Lily, Nik and Galen bidding Tabitha and Kris farewell, followed by Tabitha’s hushed last words to July and Kris, as she struggles to find the most delicate way to expedite their separation. “I’ll give you ten minutes. There are too many lives on the line…”