34. Thirty-four
“Ineed details, all of them. From the minute you left the restaurant. Tell me now or I’ll keep this coffee to myself, and you look like you need it more than I do.” Paloma holds the large iced coffee hostage as I slide into the table she and Callie are already occupying at our favorite café, a super cute Tiffany blue, unicorn-themed place, exploding with flowers.
“She needs details, but I need to be caught up. Paloma won’t tell me anything other than Zander and that guy who hit your car showed up at the restaurant last night and you left with Zander. It’s not fair that I miss everything because Myles had an event and I couldn’t celebrate with you,” Callie says, big blue eyes turned toward me as she pouts. “Congratulations on the bestselling book! I’m so proud of you, babe! I got you a cupcake.” She slides a chocolate peanut butter cupcake, my favorite, toward me and reaches over to hug my shoulders.
I hug her back. “Thank you! It’s surreal. I don”t even know what that means, other than my publisher is happy and Alicia has been texting like crazy. Give me that coffee or I’ll cut you.” I snag the iced caramel macchiato from Paloma’s now relaxed hand and she protests.
“You get two sips, then you’re spilling all the details. Was it just the night, or are you going to try something?” Paloma insists, poking me in the side as I take big gulps of the sweet coffee.
I swat at her hands to make her stop. I seriously need caffeine. I was up way too late with Zander, but I don”t regret one minute of the night we shared. My body is deliciously sore, my hips bruised, my lips swollen, skin still feeling his hands, and he promised to come over as soon as work is over. I felt like a giddy teen when he dropped me off at home, walking me to the door, and making out with me, delaying the goodbye until I was pulling away and closing the door in his face with a laugh.
I turn toward Callie just to spite Paloma. “How was the event with Myles? Was it for the team?”
Callie smiles. “Yeah, some owner’s dinner for sponsors, but nothing big. I was there as arm candy for Myles, really. I think Paloma is going to lose her mind, so you better answer her questions.” She giggles and sips her lavender latte while eyeing our friend over the rim of her cup.
I laugh when I turn back to Paloma who has torn apart the croissant in her hands and looks like she wishes it was me. “Relax, I’ll tell you everything.”
I look around us to ensure there aren’t any prying eyes or big ears listening in. We’re tucked in a corner and it’s mid-morning on a weekday, so it’s fairly empty, despite the café being an Instagramable hot spot that attracts people seeking aesthetically pleasing pastries and lattes any time of the week. Good. After seeing the Atlanta Haute List this morning, I think I have to be more careful or be prepared for even more stories to come out about us. It’s inevitable, really, but I want to be in charge of when that happens, rather than letting the gossip blog dictate the timing.
“He fucked me like I was his sole reason for living. It was so good. Better than I remembered. I must have come a dozen times throughout the night and he didn”t want me to leave, but I wanted to be at home when Hendricks woke up. My abs are sore from coming so hard. Best workout I’ve had in a while. If we keep this up, I’ll have a toned midsection again in no time.”
Callie gasps and grabs my hands, a huge smile lighting up her face. “I’m so happy you finally broke that long dry spell, and it was so good! I’m swooning.” She lets go of my hands to wrap her arms around her middle and shimmies her shoulders in excitement. She’s a fierce romantic and wants everyone to be happy, any possible red flags be damned.
“What about all the baby stuff he was saying at dinner? Was he serious? That was totally unexpected, especially given his history. I thought maybe he was just trying to get you into bed,” Paloma says, her hazel eyes narrowing. She may have wanted me to get the good dick, but she will always remember what I went through at his hands and wants to keep me from experiencing that again.
“He’s serious. About us, and babies. He brought it up again and wanted to know how many more I wanted and when we could start on them. He wants this to be… real.” I feel warmth spread in my chest from the memory, remembering the look on Zander’s face as he wrung pleasure from my body, pushing for the type of commitment I’d long ago lost hope of ever getting from him.
Callie squeals quietly. “Oh my gosh, that’s so amazing! You already made the cutest kid. Can you even imagine more? Ugh, I die. My ovaries are exploding as we speak.” She slumps in her seat, dramatically clutching her flat lower belly. She has two boys of her own but suffers constant baby fever and can’t resist a tiny little human.
My hand slips to my own belly and I remember how it swelled with Hendricks, how his kicks felt, and the fierce love it inspired in me. Despite the fear I had when I found out, I loved being pregnant. By some mercy, I didn”t suffer the morning sickness or horrors many women do—maybe because I’d already been dealt such a shitty hand—and it was actually easy to carry my son, and I cherished every day I grew him within me. Her fever may be catching. I feel those same butterflies in my stomach ache to bring another little piece of Zander into this world so I can love even more of him. But all in good time.
“An actual relationship would be a nice start before we add more to the family,” I laugh. I have to stay grounded when Zander is so intent on flying high into the clouds and taking me with him. He dreams big when I just want stability, consistency, and him.
“Okay, so what happens next? Do you go on dates? Does he move in with you, or you with him? How do you tell Hendricks?” Paloma asks, ever practical.
I scowl at her as I take a bite of my cupcake and chew, giving myself a reprieve from answering her questions that I don”t have answers to. I wash the sweet treat down with my coffee and run my hand through my hair while she practically burns holes in my forehead with her eyes.
“Zander’s coming over after work today. We’ll tell Hendricks when it feels right. He’s going to know something’s up. He’s a perceptive kid and the only man I’ve brought home prior has been Knox. If Zander is coming around and loving up on me, which I’m sure he is going to do because he can’t seem to keep his hands off of me, Hendricks will notice. He’ll ask questions. I mean, he was already asking me if he has a dad.”
“And you’re just going to say yes to all of this and let him sweep you up in it?” Paloma asks, brushing her sheet of smooth sable hair over her shoulder and leaning back in her chair.
“If I want to, then yeah, I will,” I tell her, arching a brow in her direction. “What’s with the attitude? You were on board with giving him a second chance last night. Why shouldn’t I want this now, when Zander is willing to give me the commitment, the relationship, and be the father Hendricks needs?” I lean forward, challenging her right to dictate what I do with my life. She has only so much say—protective best friend or not.
She shakes her head and looks down. “I’m sorry. I’m just struggling to believe that this is the same man who promised you forever then flipped a switch and left you a sobbing mess after that trip five years ago, and couldn’t be bothered to give you the time of day to learn you were pregnant afterward.” She reaches across the table and takes my hand in hers. “It scared me, the way he left you so broken the last time, Lolo. You’ve become so strong and resilient since then. I don”t want to see him come back and tear that all down again.”
“I love that you want to protect me and not see me get hurt again. That was…the worst.” I squeeze her hand and she returns it, her hazel eyes softening. “I know there are no guarantees that this time will be different, or that life will treat us fairly, or we will get the outcome we want or even deserve. This could blow up in my face. But it could also be so damn beautiful and turn out exactly the way we need it to. Let’s hope for that future, the beautiful one. If I’m willing to take that risk, you, as my best friend, need to support and trust me as I do.”
Paloma’s eyes shine brightly and she blinks rapidly, a tear slipping down as she looks away. She lets my hand go and swipes at her cheeks quickly. “Ay, Dios. You’re going to ruin my mascara. This is Tom Ford, bitch. It’s expensive and I don”t want to reapply a second time today.”
Callie starts fanning at her own eyes and we all burst into giggles. “I have hope for your beautiful future with Zaddy Zander and your super cute family,” she says, sounding a little choked up but happy. “I wish I could design your wedding gown, but I don’t think there’s going to be time. I feel like you’re going to move fast now that you’ve gotten to this part. I don”t think either of you is going to want to wait.”
I laugh and look at Callie with wide eyes. “No one has said anything about getting married yet, Cal,” I say, my tone hushed as I look around us again.
She waves away my explanation. “I saw the way he looked at you on the side of the highway. Your single days are numbered. You’ll be a wifey soon, and I’ll welcome you to the club with open arms.”
I raise a brow at her. “What do you mean? We barely exchanged words that day and you were only there for a few of them at that.” I’d thought she was struck dumb by Zander’s presence, as most women are when he shows up. I hadn’t thought twice about her notice and definitely hadn’t thought Zander was looking at me in any kind of way that she would have remembered.
“He looked at you like he was starving and you were the only thing he wanted. He played it cool, but it was there. He was Affected, with a capital A.”
Paloma nods in begrudging agreement. “She’s not entirely exaggerating. He did have this look, like he couldn’t believe his eyes that he was seeing you that day. And last night, it was almost disgusting how much he wanted you, how enamored he was with you. He had puppy dog eyes and couldn’t take them off you. His hands, too.”
Callie grins and taps her feet in excitement. “See, I’m calling it. Quickie wedding and a baby by the end of the year.”
I feel my face burn hot in a rare blush. I turn my discomfort on Paloma instead of replying to Callie. “How did your night with Javier end? You look a little tired yourself. Did you get the good dick, too?”
Paloma’s wide smile and sweeping of her hair off her shoulder is a harold of the story we’re about to hear. “Well, I didn”t want to upstage your reunion story, which I felt was far more pressing, but yes, I did indeed get myself a new Latin lover. Javi knows his way around South of the border.” She gives us a smug smile that has Callie and I erupting into screams that do draw the attention of other café patrons now. We all start laughing, then huddle close over the table to hear all about her evening in detail.
“Mama, when is Zan Man coming over again? He said he’d build tracks with me but it’s been forever. Can you call him? You know how, right? You can make a play date?”
I kneel down and look at Hendricks as I take his coat and backpack when we get into the house after school. “You really liked him, didn’t you, my love?”
“Yeah, he was fun. Don’t tell Knox, but I think Zan Man is cooler. He knew how an engine works and made the best towers.”
I laugh and ruffle his dark curls. “Your secret is safe with me. I’ll ask him to come play with you. I would like Zander to come over more often, too. He’s very special to me. I like him a lot. Would that be okay with you?”
Hendricks raises his beautiful gray eyes to me and smiles. “Zan Man has eyes like me. We match. That’s why you like him.”
I blink back the sudden sting of tears and cup his precious little cheek. I wonder at his smart little brain that catches so much for someone so young. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“You’re right. You do match. You have his eyes, and you’re also super smart, just like him. That’s because Zander is your father.”
Hendricks dances in place, growing restless with the conversation. “He can stay here with us if he wants. And if we have a sleepover, you can make chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and he won’t want to leave. Then he can be my daddy and tell me if he has powers, like Miss Sharon and Miss Stephanie said.”
I laugh and grab Hendricks into my arms, kissing his soft golden cheeks one after the other, until he is giggling. I love his easy acceptance of something I’ve agonized over his whole life. For Hendricks, it’s simple. He’s more interested in knowing if Zander is a superhero, and doesn”t quite understand what it means to have a father. We’ll get there.
“Zander doesn’t have any special powers, but you sure do. You make me happier than anyone and give the best Hulk hugs. Ready for one?”
Hendricks opens his arms wide and growls before capturing me in a tight embrace. Then he’s wriggling to get out of my arms and heads for the living room and his toys. I stand and put his things away before heading into the kitchen, where I start dinner prep. I’m going all out with a lasagna recipe I’ve perfected, and I’m making a homemade sauce, so it’s going to take a while.