45
"Rehaan?" Her shock was evident in her voice.
He looked up at her face and passed her a smile, "How are you feeling today my jaan?"
"Aap yahan kya kar rahay hain ab tak!" She had forgotten about going to work now. His face and eyes looked tormented.
(What are you doing here till now!)
Before he could stand she knelt down and sat on her knees in front of him, "Aap kyun hain yahan ab tak?"
(Why are you here till now?)
"Mene kaha tha na mere paas janay ke liye koi jagah nahi hai Shahwar." She felt so much pain seeing him talk like he was doing fine sitting out there.
(I had told you I don't have anywhere to go to Shahwar.)
"Get up!" She held his hands and pulled them while standing again, "Rehaan." She shook her head when he stood up feeling his legs almost numb, she knew he was not okay. "Bohat pareshan kartay hain aap mujhe."
(You worry me a lot.)
"Sorry. Ab nahi karunga." He replied immediately.
(I won't do it now.)
Shahwar opened the door of her house and took him inside holding his hand, "Go and change your clothes, shower, rest. There's food in the refrigerator, warm it up and—wait, you go in, I'll bring it."
"No. You're getting late for work. Go now. That's not a good impression for first day." He smiled at her while she had no care about her work at the moment. "I'll be alright. Go Shahwar."
She didn't want to go and her hold on his hand grew firm, "I don't trust you. You'll do something worse on your own again."
She didn't trust him, her words were enough for Rehaan to understand where she now saw him in her life, he had ruined the trust between them. "I won't. Please go Shahwar or I'll go back outside."
"You're threatening me now?" She moved her head in a soft jerk and narrowed her eyes at him.
"Never." His lips turned into a sad smile, "I'll do as you say, but go to work, please jaan." He didn't want her to feel upset at work especially on her first day.
"Fine. You. Will. Rest." She warned.
"I will." He nodded.
"I'll be back till evening. First eat something and then shower, right now."
Rehaan stepped forward and touched her head affectionately, "All the best my love."
She wanted to not feel her heart that was melting, at his words.
"Hm." She moved away and walked out of the house, even though she didn't want to leave him.
But it was important that she did. It was better if she was away from him.
That way she wouldn't be heartbroken again.
She wouldn't remember things, she wouldn't remember how she had tried to end her life and it had led to her losing her child.
That one memory she had tried to completely eradicate from her life because whenever she'd even catch a glimpse of it, her body gave up.
···
It was evening, Rehaan knew she'd be back soon so he decided to get some things before her return to prepare dinner for her. He had never cooked for her, he had been the lousiest husband ever, and he wanted to now amend all of it.
When Rehaan came back with the things he needed for the dinner menu there was still time for Shahwar to be back.
She had left the spare keys for him before leaving too.
He started to cook and within an hour and a half he was done with Shahwar's favorite dish, 'Pulao' and dessert, 'chocolate fudge brownies'.
He turned to check if he had kept the place in pristine condition, he'd cleaned it twice already.
He went into the bedroom opening the door and to his surprise she was lying on the bed on her stomach.
Shahwar was crying. When had she gotten back home?
He hadn't seen her pass by the lounge or even enter.
Rehaan's heart startled at the sight, "Shahwar?" He hurried towards the bed at once and sat down next to her. "Shahwar what happened, why are you crying?"
She raised her head a little showing her red nose and cheeks, "I won't go to work again."
Her lips puckered making him stretch his breath, "Why? What happened?"
"They don't like me. I heard them talk about me, they don't like me." He was going to end certain careers for sure now. The first day of his wife at work and they had ruined it. Rehaan was going to destroy them.
"What happened exactly, what did you hear?" Rehaan brushed her hair with his fingers softly. He wanted to know the details to make them suffer with elaborate rituals.
"I don't want to tell you. You always scold me. You'll say I said bad words for them and then—no." She sobbed more shaking her head.
He pulled her up into his lap and wiped her face, "I won't say anything like that, Shahwar. Jaan when have I ever said—"
"Liar. You said that when I spoke about Beena. You yelled at me and, and—no, you always tell me that I can't ever express my feelings when I'm upset with you. I don't want to tell you." Her eyes accused him further when she spoke.
Great now his own previous words were coming back at him, "No, no, no, I'm sorry, I was wrong okay, you can say whatever you want my love even about Beena, you have all the right to, I won't say anything now—"
"Mien itni buri nahi hoon Rehaan. Mien nahi hoon itni buri insaan!" She cried out loudly and his heart felt silent at her cries. "Apko bas yehi lagta hai ke mien kisi aurat ke liye aisi baatien bol sakti hoon aur bohat buri hoon mien bas!"
(I'm not such a bad person Rehaan! I'm not that bad as a human! You just think that I can say such things about any woman and I'm a very bad person!)
He shook his head and started kissing her head incessantly, "Nahi, nahi please jaan, Shahwar, aisa nahi hai.
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry meri jaan ho tum, whatever I said was wrong.
You're my wife, you have all the right to be angry when you are hurt.
" He rested her face on his chest and tried to calm her down.
(No, no, please my love, Shahwar, it's not like that. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you're my life, whatever I said was wrong.)
"Kisi aur ke liye aap ne mujhe bola ke aap mujhse pyaar nahi kartay.
Koi bhi nahi karta mujhse pyaar. No one.
No one wants to love me. Abba ji didn't even call me to see him once in his last days.
He never said Shahwar ko bula do, he never thought I was alone on my own in another country, you never thought once that I only had you, you told me you don't love me Rehaan.
It's always me. If I'm not good enough for you then—" Her breaths over his chest were the only thing he felt till she was cut off by him.
(For the sake of someone else you said that you don't love me. Nobody loves me.)
(He didn't say that, call Shahwar.)
"If you're not good enough for me then I'm better off dead Shahwar." She looked up to see his face.
"Don't say that." She had now stopped crying after his last sentence.
"Tell me what they said to my love, at work today." He was never going to forget the hurt and pain in her words but he wanted to know what happened at that place where he had strictly instructed them to not mess things up with his wife.
"I know, it was you who got me that job." She shocked him at her revelation of information.
Rehaan was about to throw a fit at the owner of that restaurant, "Shahwar—I, I—" He gulped with such fear of losing her forever.
"I'm not mad at that. I was suspecting it already.
" She flared her nose sniffing hard, "They were talking to each other, the other chefs during lunch and I heard them, they said I'm such a burden to the restaurant especially since I don't have qualifications for the job and was hired because of my husband's influential background.
" She blinked and rubbed her eyes while Rehaan kept on staring with his mind elsewhere.
"You're not mad at me for the job?" She shook her head.
"I'm tired. I want to sleep." She tried getting off of his lap but he held her waist with both hands.
"I'm sorry. I—" Rehaan held her face and smothered kisses all over it, "I love you, I love you so much. Be mad at me. I deserve it. I've been the worst person to be the husband of the most beautiful woman in the world." He said it all between the kisses.
"Rehaan." She softly called him and he paused to look at her. "It's okay, I'm okay."
"I'm not." He stared deep into her eyes.
He does love her, a lot. It's just that Shahwar is the more expressive one and he wasn't, though he should've been. And he said things he didn't mean, to which he will never even try to call himself as person who wasn't at fault.