46
"Did you rest properly like I asked you to? Hm?" She straightened herself properly.
"I did." She had changed the subject of the conversation and he was compelled to answer.
"Good." She gave him her usual smile that she would when she was done being upset. "I'm going to sleep, Meher will—"
"I want you to be upset with me. Tell me I'm not worthy of anything. Don't do this Shahwar, don't keep it inside yourself, I want you to say it all." He meant every word.
"I don't want to be upset. I want to sleep. I am tired. Very tired." She did look exhausted.
"I am so very responsible for it. I only wanted you to work where you'd want to the most. I am sorry, and this is only for ruining your day and making you feel all the worse for trying to meddle with your career.
Rest of the things, I've understood I don't deserve any forgiveness.
You will never be pushed by me to forgive me anymore.
Though I am sorry for it all too." He calmly expressed not trying to make her feel pressured at all.
"Can I sleep now?" She responded not addressing everything he had just said.
"Jaan, go and change your clothes first." He pointed at her dress knowing she never slept in her dresses.
"Hm, yes." She nodded and got up as he removed his hands from her waist.
Rehaan went to the kitchen and plated the food tray with the dinner he had made for her and then brought it to the bedroom before Shahwar came out of the bathroom.
The door opened and she saw the food on the bedside table, "Oh I thought it would take Meher time to come back, she made dinner already?"
Rehaan was sitting on the edge of the bed, smiled at her, "Come, eat first. I won't let you sleep on an empty stomach."
Shahwar walked towards his side and sat down next to him, "Have you eaten?"
"You eat first." And then he remembered that he didn't know if she would like the taste or not.
Shahwar took the plate in her hands and brought a spoonful in front of his mouth and made him eat first. Rehaan shook his head and swallowed it, it wasn't bad he thought but his wife who was finessing the art of cooking whenever she made food was about to taste it as she took another spoonful for herself.
He felt anxious. Shahwar suddenly paused chewing, "Meher made this? "
He groaned and cursed himself internally. It was definitely a flop, "No."
"I knew it. This one is so good, completely conventional style Pulao. I love it." She grinned and took another spoon towards his mouth.
"You like it." She nodded and he felt a little relieved, "Actually it was me who made it." He waited for her to snap at him.
"You did?" She put the spoon down, "You made this?" He nodded silently.
"For me?" She pressed her lips together with force now.
"Are you upset?" He closed his eyes in frustration, hadn't she expressed it just yesterday that she didn't want anything from him. Why had he been such a moron doing exactly what she had told him not to do?
Shahwar moved forward a little and held his face in both her hands, it was enough now, she knew it, "I'm not upset."
Rehaan opened his eyes, "If you are it's fine, sweetheart. I'll take this food away—" Shahwar pressed her lips on his cheek and he stopped talking.
"Now let me eat." Rehaan was speechless. Shahwar started to eat and then took turns in between making him eat and finish the food too. "You can definitely cook better than many chefs I know Mr Kazmi." She chuckled after they had eaten.
Months, it had been almost months since he had heard that laughter.
His eyes blurred the vision because of the tears in them.
Before he could let them fall he stood up taking the plates back to the kitchen.
Shahwar slid into the bed covers and Rehaan went outside the house sitting down on the floor of the porch.
She laid on the bed taking the box out of her purse that had the daisy charm and note inside it. Both the things were her most precious possessions. She kept on reading the words again and again then finally placed it back inside her bag before he could see.
Shahwar thought he'd be back in a few minutes and she started twisting, turning over the mattress waiting for him.
When minutes turned into half an hour she got out of the bed and searched around the house.
He was nowhere. Shahwar thought he left her.
She was about to have a breakdown when Meher entered the house and it revealed Rehaan sitting outside at the porch to her.
She ran out with extreme anger, "How can you do this to me again! "
Rehaan stood up feeling the already built in guilt and worry, "Sorry jaan, what happened?"
"Kyun aye mujhe chhor ke aap!" She blinked faster, he understood she was about to cry again.
(Why did you come here abandoning me!)
"No, no. I didn't. I—you-said—forget it." He exhaled and took her in his arms at once lifting her off the floor and walked back inside the house, ignoring Meher like she wasn't staring at them with her eyes hanging out of her face.
"I won't go anywhere." He tried to assure her but Shahwar was already unconvinced.
When they were inside the room he walked to the bed and laid her down on the bed, "How could you go outside and sit there! Do you not understand that it hurts me!" She sat up as he pulled himself next to her on the bed.
"I won't go now." He passed her an apologetic nod.
"You wanted to discuss something yesterday, with me right? What is it? I'm ready to hear it. Say it." She wouldn't cry now, she had told herself. Even if he said that he wanted a divorce, she would be strong. No, it wasn't possible. She loved him too much to not cry.
"You are upset with me." It was something now that was more of a routine for him. Her being happy was an unusual thing. Because of him.
"Just tell me." She didn't want to waste more time now. She didn't know when else she might get the strength to hear it.
"Shahwar."
"Rehaan."
He gave a loud sigh of defeat, "Please come back to me, please.
I will never hurt you again. I promise. I won't ever yell, I won't ever scold you, I won't even try to say anything about my irrelevance to you.
I'll say I love you to you my whole life and you can never say it back as my punishment.
Please. There is no one else in my life.
There can never be. I know, I know you found out about Beena and it hurt you.
But she's nothing to me. I don't even care about anyone but you now.
I was senseless to say those things to you.
You can break my bones and I wouldn't even utter a single word of complain.
I promise. I can even wait for however long you want me to, I will even wait wherever you want me to, here, outside, on the road, but I can't go back to that house where you aren't with me.
I just want you to be there with me even if it's one breath before I die, just one would be enough for me.
" He was not requesting, he was begging her.
"And you won't ever leave me alone again." She added to all of he had said.
"I won't. Ever."
"Otherwise I'll go far away."
"No, no. Please. Don't say that Shahwar. I love you. Mein bohat bohat bohat pyaar karta hoon apni biwi, Dur e Shahwar se."
(I love my wife Dur e Shahwar very very much.)
She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him, "Your wife told you to go to Paris and you went to the porch. Do you not know the difference?"
"I can't go away from her. It hurts me. Physically." Shahwar softly kissed the back of his neck where her face was.
"I want to sleep now." She said pulling apart.
"Okay." He laid down with her in his arms and switched off the lamps.
"Do you love me?" She asked in the dark now.
"I love you. More than everything." Rehaan kissed her forehead and shut his eyes.
"Good night, Rehaan." She snuggled further into his body.
"Good night, meri jaan." He fell asleep right after she did in his arms.
Rehaan's eyes opened in the morning when his wife was packing her things in a luggage bag, making him alarmed and he sat upright on the bed, "Jaan, what are you doing?"
"I'm leaving."
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