Chapter 24 #2
So Aspen wanted a redo. Same warm light, same brass lamps, same soft jazz, same overpriced steak—but this time, with the two of them at the same table. Together.
“I was not on a date with Jake,” Maddy had argued once they’d been seated.
“No? Then what do you call it when you go to the most well-known date-night spot with your ex-boyfriend and share a meal over candlelight?” Aspen raised her brows.
“Recon,” Maddy said matter-of-factly, lifting her chin.
“Recon?” Aspen narrowed her eyes.
Maddy seemed to contemplate how much she wanted to reveal, then let out a soft sigh. “I went to dinner with Jake to find out whether you two were…together.”
Aspen’s wine glass stopped midway to her mouth. “I’m sorry.” She set the wineglass down so she wouldn’t drop it. “You thought I was dating Jake?”
“He told me you’d had drinks at Nicky’s.
Multiple times.” Maddy lifted one shoulder, but there was a pink flush coming up her neck now, and she was very busy aligning her fork with the edge of the table.
“You two had clearly gotten close since I left. I wanted to know what I was dealing with. I didn’t even know you were gay until Jake told me that night. ”
“You didn’t know?” Aspen put a hand flat on the table. “You—Maddy. You’re a queer woman. I spent four years of high school staring at you like you hung the moon, and then you showed up fifteen years later, and I openly flirted with you that very night, and your gaydar didn’t so much as flicker?”
“Hey, my gaydar is excellent, I will have you know.” Maddy defended.
“Your gaydar needed Jake to lay it out for you.” Aspen laughed so hard she had to cover her mouth, and under the table, Maddy lightly kicked Aspen’s shin.
Oh, this was too good.
“Wait. Let me make sure I have this right.” Aspen leaned in, delighted, propping her chin on her hand.
“That whole night. The grip on Jake’s arm, the loud laughter, the smirk you threw me across the room.
Was all because you were jealous. First because you thought Jake and I were a couple, then because you realized I was on a date with another woman. ”
Maddy scoffed. “I was not jealous. I was just…gathering information.”
Aspen's mouth curved. “You were jealous.”
“I was—” Maddy’s jaw worked. “Conducting due diligence on a situation that was unclear.”
Aspen leaned back, amused, and just smiled at her, at the whole situation of that night. The two of them, thirty feet apart, each one silently losing her mind over the other for being on a date with someone else, when they’d clearly both already been completely gone for each other.
The server arrived and set the appetizer between them.
Aspen picked up her fork and shook her head, still smiling. “You took a man to dinner to spy on me.”
Maddy picked up her own fork and broke off a piece of crab cake. “And you ended your own date early to drive over to Grace’s and launch a whole Woo Maddy Sterling campaign.”
Aspen’s face dropped. How…
“Oh, you didn’t think I heard about that? Grace told me all about it at the Championship Feast on Sunday, in great detail, I might add.” Maddy took a smug bite.
Damnit Grace. Aspen shook her head, pursing her lips to contain her smile, and feeling the heat hit her cheeks. She picked up her wine and conceded the point with a tip of her glass, because that was fair. That was extremely fair.
After dinner, they decided to go for a leisurely stroll down Orange Avenue to enjoy the warm summer night.
Maddy laced her fingers through Aspen’s and they wandered up the sidewalk, and all Aspen could think about was how perfect this night was.
“Sterling? St. Claire?” A familiar voice came from up ahead.
She looked up. Stopped dead on the sidewalk about ten feet ahead of them, was Mr. Delgado.
Their debate team coach. She’d run into him from time to time around town, even introduced him to Tess once.
He looked at Maddy, then his eyes trailed to Aspen, then down to where their hands were threaded together.
“Well, I’ll be damned.” He said faintly.
“Hello, Mr. Delgado.” Aspen said with a grin that she knew was taking up her whole face. “It’s nice to see you again.”
“The two of you nearly gave me an ulcer for four years. And now you’re…” He gestured helplessly at their joined hands and let out a small, stunned laugh, shaking his head. “Never would’ve called it. Not in a hundred years.”
Mr. Delgado had watched her for four years.
Watched her sign up for a team she clearly had no interest in.
Watched her light up every single time Maddy walked into the room and deflate the second she left.
Aspen was certain that he knew, that they all knew—the whole team, half the faculty, most of the school.
The only person on the entire planet who couldn’t see it was Maddy herself.
And now the man who’d had a four-year front-row seat to Aspen pining over Maddy Sterling was standing outside a wine shop, completely poleaxed, because the impossible thing had gone ahead and happened anyway.
They chatted for a few minutes, and after they said their goodbyes and Mr. Delgado carried on down the sidewalk, Maddy looked over at her. “I really was the only person who didn’t notice, wasn’t I?”
“Yes.” Aspen leaned in and pecked Maddy on the cheek. “It’s a good thing you’re pretty.”
Maddy swatted at her, and Aspen laughed and then swung their hands as they started walking again, unable to contain the smile on her face.
They had exactly fifty-eight hours until Maddy left to go back to LA. The reminder had been trying to sneak in all night, and Aspen refused to let it.
She was not going to stand on Orange Avenue with Maddy’s hand in hers and spend it grieving a time that wasn’t here yet. Tonight she was just a woman walking hand-in-hand with her—her something—under the streetlamps, full of steak and the server’s Cabernet recommendation.
* * *
Two days later, Maddy’s rolling suitcases were by the door, packed and ready to make the drive a hundred miles north the next morning.
Aspen had been not-looking at them for three hours.
Maddy had packed earlier that day, said her goodbyes to Bunny, loaded her Range Rover, and driven over to Aspen’s to spend their final night together. She had her first pre-production meeting in LA at 11 a.m., so she had to be on the road by seven to play it safe.
They’d had dinner and then ended up tangled together on Aspen’s couch with a movie neither of them was watching, Maddy’s head on her chest, Aspen’s fingers moving idly through her hair. And the conversation Aspen had been avoiding all week became unavoidable.
“Hey.” Aspen kept her hand moving in Maddy’s hair. “Can we talk about the thing we keep not talking about?”
Maddy went still against her for a second, then pushed herself up so they were facing each other on the couch cushions. “Yeah. Okay.” She picked up the remote and muted the movie.
“So.” Aspen cleared her throat and turned her body fully towards Maddy.
“A few weeks ago, you said we should let the rest of your time here play out and see where things landed between us.” Her heart was racing, but she kept her voice steady.
“And I think they landed pretty well. Like, really well.” She found Maddy’s hand on the cushion between them and held it.
“Maddy, these have been the best weeks of my life. And I know that sounds like an exaggeration, but it’s really not.
And you were notoriously bad at reading my signals in high school, so I want to say this clearly and out loud.
” She let out a nervous chuckle, then quickly let it fade.
“I want this to be real. I want to be with you, officially, and I want to have a long-distance relationship. I know it won’t be easy, but I think we can make it work. I know we can.”
There. Out in the open, finally, all of it. Aspen sat with her heart in her throat and waited for Maddy to meet her there, because she was sure she would.
Maddy didn’t pull her hand back. But something in her face shifted, and she looked down at their hands instead of at Aspen, and Aspen’s heart sank before Maddy even said a word.
“Aspen.” Maddy took a breath. “You know I—this has been incredible. Everything about these past couple of weeks with you.” She turned Aspen’s hand over in hers, studying it. “But I have to be honest with you...”
“Okay.” Aspen heard her own voice come out small and cracked.
“This new role, as Co-EP, is huge. It’s the thing I’ve worked fifteen years for, and it’s going to be more than I’ve ever taken on.
I genuinely don’t even know what my life is going to look like yet.
” She finally looked up, and at least she had the decency to look unhappy about it.
“I don’t want to promise you a real relationship, and then not have a single hour to give to it.
That’s not fair to you. And it puts more pressure on me when I’m already going to be under a lot of pressure in my new job. ”
Aspen felt the hope drain out of her. She tried to keep the disappointment off her face and knew she was failing. She wasn’t sure she could keep her voice level if she tried to speak, so she just nodded and looked down at their joined hands.
“Hey.” Maddy’s voice went soft, and she ducked her head to catch Aspen’s eyes, and brought her other hand up so she was holding both of Aspen’s now.
“I’m not saying I want this to end. God, that’s not what I’m saying at all.
I like you, Aspen. A lot. I just—I don’t want us to end up resenting each other by promising more than I can give right now.
” She squeezed Aspen’s hands. “Maybe we can…keep it casual for now? Keep talking and see each other when we can, just without the whole relationship pressure hanging over it?”
Casual.