Chapter 47
CAM
“Y ou must be careful not to strip the healthy leaves,” Varsa said, gently gripping my wrist. “Here, let me show you.”
He meticulously peeled away a shriveled leaf from the ironia bush. “Like this. Nothing that has a hint of green must be removed.”
“Got it.”
I set to work while he went back to whispering to some roses.
This had become one of my favorite places over the past few weeks. I’d come back several times simply to hang out with Varsa. There was something soothing about his presence, and the fact that I was the only person he chose to speak to left me feeling honored.
But today, even Varsa’s presence couldn’t take away the pit of darkness inside me.
“You’re troubled,” he said.
“I don’t suppose you heard what happened on the field trip.”
“Tell me.”
Where to start? “I was attacked by wraiths.”
His whole body went still. “Wraiths?”
“Yeah. They somehow breached the secure location we were training at.” I filled him in on what happened. “Derek was hurt the worst. He’s still recovering.”
“Willowman will have something stronger for him, I’m sure.”
“Yes. He said he would be back before the cadet exams, but those are the day after tomorrow. I’m not sure he’ll be back in time.”
Varsa’s brows pinched. “Then you mustn’t take the exam. Not without your shield.”
“I have to. No one will respect me if I move to initiate without having proven myself.”
“Surely they’ll understand that you have a disadvantage without your shield.”
“I think some of them will probably see Derek as an unfair advantage. I hunted without Derek’s protection for years. I can do this.”
Varsa tutted softly, clearly irritated by this.
I bit back a smile. He was such a mother hen sometimes.
“What did the elite find?” he asked. “I assume they went to the location to check for breaches?”
“Yeah, they did. I spoke to Selas this morning. She says there was no breach, and they have the situation under control.”
He huffed in irritation. “And did they tell you how they have it under control?”
“Nope. I guess it’s on a need-to-know basis, and I’m not on the list.”
His brown eyes filled with compassion. “I’m sorry that you don’t feel safe.”
My throat tightened, and the dull gray feeling that I’d been smothering rose to the surface because he was right. I didn’t feel safe. Hadn’t felt safe since Ignus had tried to kidnap me, and everything that had happened since had merely been a distraction to hide that truth.
“It’s not about me. It’s about—” I caught myself before mentioning Romi. Varsa wasn’t in the know about that. “It’s about making the elite whole and protecting us all from the graynite alpha.”
“And about getting your brother back,” Varsa said.
It was my turn to freeze. “You know?”
“Willowman talks to me, even though sometimes I’m…away.” He frowned. “But I hear him.”
Away? “What do you mean, away ?”
“Sometimes there’s a veil between me and the world. I can see it, but I can’t seem to interact with it. But when you’re here, the veil is gone.”
“Do you know why?”
He shook his head.
“Well, it doesn’t matter why. I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad that we get to hang out.”
Varsa’s smile lit up his weathered face. “I’m glad too, Cameron. Our gardening sessions are the highlights of my week.”
I returned his smile. “Mine too.” The gate creaked, letting Willowman onto the path. “You’re back!”
“Observant little thing, aren’t you?” Willowman said.
There were dark smudges beneath his golden eyes. It was the first time I’d seen him looking worn out.
“Long trip?”
“You have no idea.” He stifled a yawn, gaze flicking over my shoulder. “Hello, Varsa.”
Varsa didn’t reply.
All animation had bled from his features.
My gardening buddy was gone.
* * *
I nursed the cup of herbal tea in my hands, allowing the warmth to seep into my fingers as I absorbed what Willowman was telling me.
“I’m not sure exactly what kind of fae,” he said, “but the genes are in your blood.”
“You’re sure about this?”
“Positive. My contact doesn’t make mistakes.”
“But my mother never said anything. She was normal. A regular human.”
Willowman yawned and shrugged. “Maybe the attributes skipped her. Maybe your goyle blood activated yours.” He picked up the teapot and topped up his cup. “It’s impossible to know for sure. But this is good news. It explains your strange omega moon episode. It was a sidhe moon.”
“And all the strange…yearnings?”
He gave me half a smile. “The fae are complex and varied creatures. The race of fae you’re related to could have certain…yearnings. My contact suggested Baobhan sidhe.”
“What are those?”
“I’m not an expert, but from what I know, they’re blood drinkers with the ability to sexually beguile their prey.” He winked at me over the rim of his cup. “Not a bad skill to have, if you ask me.”
“It is when you have no control over it and your fated mate is a sigma.”
“Ah…good point.”
“And feeding off blood? Am I a monster?”
He set his cup down with a sigh. “You’re not a monster.
You’re not even Baobhan sidhe, you simply have one in your family tree somewhere.
” He leaned back in his seat. “It may not even be a Baobhan. My contact said it could be a lunar fae type. Honestly, I think we should speak to Mirrorwind about it. She’s on a short sabbatical but will be back in a week. ”
“So my episodes are related to these fae genes coming out?”
“It seems so.”
“And that’s it? Did she say anything else?”
He yawned again. “She said there was something else that she couldn’t identify, but it was probably related to developmental changes.
” He indicated my hand. “Your partial shift is a prime example. You’re obviously hitting goyle puberty late.
” His gaze dropped to the mug in my hand. “Are you going to drink that?”
“Why? Do you want it?”
“I won’t say no. The herbs are rejuvenating, and I’m exhausted.”
Guilt gripped me by the throat. He’d traveled goodness knew how far just to get me answers, and I was picking at him, demanding more. “Here.” I passed him my mug. “Thank you for going to see your contact. I appreciate it.”
He took the mug and waved off my gratitude. “It’s fine. I enjoyed the trip. Aside from the stretches outside of magic.” He drained the cup.
“You went as far as the pockets?”
He nodded. “It’s always a little draining passing through a world without magic. I’ll be fine. I’m glad I made it back in time for the exams. Derek’s tincture will be ready in a couple more hours. I’ll take it over to him when it’s done.”
Willowman had wasted no time in preparing a stronger remedy for Derek once I’d filled him in on what happened on the field trip. The man was a gem.
He yawned so widely his jaw clicked.
A tired gem.
This was my cue to leave. “I should go. I have training.” My stomach dipped because it was an elite session, which meant that Serath would probably be there.
I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since our conversation in the observatory last night.
That interaction had left me feeling hollow, and now I wasn’t sure what I was most afraid of—having to train with him watching me or getting to the session to find out he wasn’t coming.
There was a knock on the door, and I answered it for Willowman.
Prasan blinked in surprise. “I was looking for Willowman. I assume he’s back?”
“I am,” Willowman said from behind me.
“I was hoping for a private word,” Prasan said.
A sudden wave of protectiveness toward my witch tutor washed over me. “He’s exhausted from his trip so don’t stay long.”
I stepped back to let Prasan into the room, and Varsa shuffled in after him, his gaze vacant. How could he go from being so filled with life to this…this shell of a being?
Prasan sidestepped as Varsa brushed past him.
“It’s fine,” Willowman said. “We can talk with Varsa here.”
I stepped outside. “Don’t forget the tincture.”
“Wait!” Willowman hurried over and pressed a vial into my hand.
“What’s this?”
“A memory spell. For Melanie.”
Shit. I’d almost forgotten about my ghostly friend. “How do I use it?”
“Uncork it when she manifests and throw it at her.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s what I was told.”
I pocketed the vial, gratitude warming my chest. “Thank you. Truly.”
His smile was warm honey. “Anytime.”
I hurried up the path. I had a ghost to find.