7. Ezekiel
Iknow it’s wrong of me to question or think about, but what was God thinking when he made pussy? How did he know to make muscles that could squeeze a man’s soul? What made Him create women with the ability to get wet and the ability to squirt? Was there a female in heaven that had terrestrial pussy and He wanted to share it with the world? What made him think to make it edible and tasteful? What science in heaven told Him that a pussy needed a g-spot?
Genuine questions that I often thought about when I came across a woman who made my toes curl from the suction of her walls and the secretion of her arousal.
“Hmmm, squeeze me again.” Lost in the feeling of Ariel’s pussy, slow and teasingly, I used the head of my dick to assault her spot. Each time I brushed across that sensitive, ridged plane, her walls squeezed me tighter.
“Damiennnn.” She gasped, hands gripping the sheets and back arching deeper. On her side, one leg over my shoulder and the other bent under my weight, she was at my mercy.
“You know I like it when you cum for me.” Slapping her ass until my handprint showed, I continued my slow pace. “Fuck me back and cum for me.” Tired of me torturing her, Ariel lifted her thick hips and wined them in a circle making my groans and moans turn beastly.
Tears of passion glossed her eyes. “Shittttt.” Squeezing her pierced nipples, her legs started shaking and pussy became insanely wetter. “You’re an asshole for fucking me like this.” All that screaming and damning me to hell had her voice hoarse.
I wasn’t going to last long.
“I’m an asshole for making sure my pussy cum? Hmmm. That’s not nice, baby.” Leaning down, my lips wrapped around her erect nipples, sending her over the edge of convulsions and explicates.
“Why is your dick so good?” She moaned weakly, trying to catch her breath. Legs hadn’t stopped shaking, nor did her creamy pussy stop constricting.
“Where you want my nut?” Rubbing her clit, I smirked, watching her body shake and pleas went ignored.
“I… I want it… fuck, Damien. I want it on my tongue.” Her wish was my command. Selfishly taking another nut out of her, I stepped back, and she dropped down to her knees and sucked me dry.
“Hmm, no hands. You’re such a good girl. Swallow more.” Hands full of weave bundles, I gripped her head and forced every inch of my dick down her throat.
She never gagged.
She never stopped sucking.
“Catch it.” And she did. Caught it and swallowed it with no traces of my kids on her tongue.
“You taste so good.” Naked on her knees, Ariel sported a beautiful freshly fucked afterglow.
“And cut.” Benny, my director, yelled, and everyone started moving around preparing for the next scene. “Ariel, let me get some pictures of you. Stay just like that.”
While they finished all the promotional pictures, I grabbed my robe from my assistant Jewels and went into my dressing room to shower and prepare for the interview process on the new talent coming in today.
“Uh, Damien. I think you should call your brother back. He’s been calling for the last hour and a half.” She handed me my phone and quickly closed the door.
Cutting on the water, I unlocked my phone and froze, seeing all the missed calls. It wasn’t odd for Jeremiah to call me, but it was odd for my dad. Until this point, I didn’t think he knew my number. Erased it like he was trying to erase me from his memory. The more I stared at all the missed calls and messages an unsettling feeling gnawed at my stomach. Dread had me turning off the shower and getting dressed. Ignoring everyone who tried to stop and talk to me. Once I got in my car, I sat there unsure of who I wanted to call back. Unsure of why everyone else had called me but her.
“Ezekiel,” Jeremiah answered on the first ring.
“Is it…” Shaky hands rubbed my chest. “Is it mom?”
His silence pierced the dagger deeper. “Yes. We’re at Broward General.” He hung up and I sped out of the parking lot breaking every speeding law known to man.
From Homestead to Broward, I made it there in under twenty-five minutes. Tossed valet my keys and ran inside. I tried not to catch an attitude with the registration clerk moving slow. Tried not to get pissed off when I stepped on the elevator with several other people who had to get off on every floor, it seemed. Full sprint, I ran until I made it down the hall where my brother and his wife were standing outside talking.
Leann tried to smile when she saw me, but sadness gripped her tightly. Jeremiah’s red eyes made mine water. “She… Mom… she um, she passed.”
“What room is she in?” My voice was so low I wasn’t sure if they heard me.
“Right here, Ezekiel.” Leann guided me inside the room across the hall.
Each step I took, my stomach dropped lower and lower. My heart ached with a pain I’ve never felt before. Her room felt cold. Dark, the only light illuminating from a small table in the corner. I saw her feet first under the white covers of the bed. I kept telling myself that they didn’t know what they were talking about. That mom was just sleeping. She probably had a bad reaction to her last round of chemo, and she hadn’t passed on like Jeremiah assumed.
Stepping fully in front of her bed, there she lay peacefully sleeping. Beautiful as always. “What happened?” I asked no one in particular. Rounding her bed, I grabbed her hand, my body shivered feeling its coldness.
“She went down for her afternoon nap after sitting on the porch. Doctors said she died in her sleep. Peaceful.” My dad’s despair and grief suffocated me. Strangled me heavily until my body bent down and rested over her body.
“Ma, you can’t do this to me.” Resting my warm cheek against her cold one, I kept begging and pleading that she’d wake up. “You can’t leave me, mom.” My imagination wanted me to believe that the wetness between our cheeks was hers and the squeeze of a hand was hers too. “I love you, mom.”
I don’t know how long I stayed there. Speaking directly in her ear. Apologizing for all the wrong and disappointment I caused her. Apologized for breaking her heart and petitioning with God, asking Him to make a deal with me. If He brought my mother back, I’d never make another video again. At the same time thanking God that I had breakfast with her this morning before I went to the studio. Jeremiah had to pull me off once the nurses came to transfer her body down to the morgue.
We all stood outside her room unsure of what to do next. What were we supposed to do? What was I supposed to do without my mom?”
“Where were you?”
I knew this day would come, but I’d been in denial for a long time. Who wanted to accept death? My mom was my heart, my everything.
A shove to my chest and my head bouncing off the wall behind me, I snapped out of my head and glared at my dad. “Answer me, boy. Where in the hell were you? Let me guess, out here being a damn prostitute while your mother was dying.” Angry with bitterness, my dad glared at me with pure disgust. “Your mother died never seeing you get married or have kids. That’s all she wanted from you. All the memories your mother has of you are nothing but shame and disappointment.”
I understand grief fucked with the mind and had people’s emotions on ten, but my dad was pushing it. Leann’s nervous eyes bounced between us. Jeremiah was fed up. Dad better say whatever he wanted to say because this was the last time he ever disrespected me.
“You ain’t shit.” He seethed, so angry that he was shaking and crying. A fucking coward. “Never been shit. Just a waste of money and effort. It should’ve been you that died, not her.” That gutted me. Gutted me deep, that I had to take deep breaths. “You are not my so…”
“Enough!” Jeremiah yelled, causing several passing nurses to gasp. “Ez, don’t listen to him. Right now, he’s overly emotional and…”
“Shut the hell up, Jeremiah. I know exactly what I’m saying. I meant everything. I hate the day you were born.”
“Damien, close your damn mouth.” Leann shrieked.
Dad kept on. “I hate that you carry my last name and my blood. I hate you!” He yelled before stomping off sobbing.
Jeremiah and Leann wanted to pity me. I didn’t need it. I already felt lower than low. My mom died while I was out doing the thing she despised most. I’ll never forgive myself for that. Dad didn’t need to beat me with his words. The agony burning my chest was killing me worse.
“Call me when you start planning her funeral.” I left out numb and broken. Hurt and defeated.
* * *
I drove home replaying everything.From seeing my mom smiling this morning to seeing her lying cold and dead. Hearing my father speak out loud that he wished I was dead. His disgust in me reached a new level. A level of no turning back.
When I got home I fixed my signature drink - sprite, black cherry Kool-Aid, promethazine, codeine, a few splashes of Nyquil, and four apple jolly ranchers. I sat in the dark of my condo, suffocated by my silence, trying to drink my pain away. Riches and wealth surrounded me. Had more zeros than any man should be trusted with, yet it couldn’t buy anything to fix my problems.
It couldn’t bring my mother back.
It couldn’t make my father love me.
It couldn’t change who I was.
A cup and a half later, I was spiraling. Rod Wave blaring through my surround speakers. Sky Priorities and Tombstone on repeat. Smoking and drinking. I woke up the next morning sobbing until I made myself sick. Curled in a ball on my living room floor, begging God to give me my mama back. That whole day, I drank and smoked until I passed out. Day three I got out when my brother called and told me that they were making the funeral plans at my parent’s house. The dark cloud around me got darker when my dad reached another level of low by calling the cops on me.
He wanted me nowhere around “his house”. He didn’t want me at the funeral. His pussy ass actually called the cops on me. Leann cussed him out good and Jeremiah looked defeated. Trying to grieve the passing of mom while refereeing between me and dad.
I left without a fight.
I equated the pain in my stomach as a part of my world collapsing and not hunger. My favorite drink and the strongest weed were my nutrients of choice. That’s all I did. Drink, smoke, and fucking cry. My brother called, but I didn’t want to burden him with my shit. These dark fucking clouds were a motherfucker to try to breathe through. Hadn’t had a nightmare since my mom died. Those demons weren’t after me anymore because I was slowly killing myself.
Twirling my nine millimeter in my hand, I stared at my phone. All I wanted was a lifeline. Someone to tell me that this pain wouldn’t last always. That I was going to get through this. That my mom didn’t die hating me. I found no purpose in living as the minutes and hours passed.
I wanted to call my Sunnie Mae. I needed her, but she too was grieving the loss of a loved one and I didn’t want to burden her with my shit.
My body was riddled with pain. I ached from the heartache of losing my mom. I was lost and wounded. I lost both of my parents on the same day. Shit was rough and I was six rounds into Russian Rullete, hoping and praying that the next trigger pulled would be my end. I only had one bullet in the chamber, not even flinching when I pulled the trigger.
Right before I pulled the trigger again, my phone rang. It was my Sunnie Mae. A new wave of warm tears rocked my body seeing her name. I wanted to answer the phone, but I didn’t want her to see me like this. Weak. Hurting. Useless. She called back again, and I answered her Facetime call. Her beautiful face and smile took up the screen. It was like love at first glance all over again. Staring in her eyes, feeling the love of her smile through the phone. My heart wasn’t hurting as bad.
“Ezekiel, what’s wrong?” Seeing my wounded state, her smile fell, and worry coated her hazelnut face.
“She’s gone, Sunnie Mae. My mama is gone.” I felt like I had to throw up from all the hard crying I’d been doing. Even when I tore my knee I barely cried. But this, losing my mama, I cried from the depths of my soul.
“Oh my god.” Gasping, Sunnie covered her mouth as her pretty brown eyes misted with tears.
“My dad said he wishes I was never born. He hates me. That motherfucker called the cops on me yesterday. Can you believe he banned me from my mama’s house? A house I’ve been paying the mortgage on. He doesn’t even want me at the funeral.” I scratched my head with the butt of my gun. “I hurt my mama, Sunnie. All she wanted was for me to change my life and live right. I hurt her. I broke her heart. I’m useless.”
Angry all over again, I healed the gun to my head and pulled the trigger. Sunnie screamed so loud that I dropped the gun. Wherever she was, she pushed people out of the way until she was in a hallway sobbing. Crying harder than I was a minute ago. I don’t know why I was stunned by her reaction, but I couldn’t move. I sat there watching her painfully unravel.
Then she did the unthinkable.
“Dear God, at the sound of my voice, I plead the blood of Jesus over Ezekiel and his mind. Father God, I bind the spirit of suicidal thoughts. God, break every demonic assignment of the enemy that is trying to kill him. Father God, I need you to send your mighty warring angels and fight for him, God. Heal his heart as he grieves the mourning of his mother. Strengthen his mind and heart. God, I decree and declare…”
I’d never seen anything so beautiful.
I don’t know what part of the country Sunnie was in, but she was out in the midst of people, and she stopped what she was doing to get on her knees and pray for me. She literally dropped her phone and bags and was praying heaven down on my behalf. Sobbing and weeping. Speaking in tongues and fighting for me in prayer.
I stared at this woman in awe.
No longer was my heart racing and on the verge of beating out of my chest. I felt a calmness engulf me and a peace settled in my heart. My shoulders relaxed and my mind was at ease.
“In Jesus might name, amen.” She cried more until she picked up the phone and glared at me. “Disrespectfully so, fuck your daddy and his Mr. Winslow-looking ass.” She grumbled, picking up her things.
I couldn’t help it. I chuckled, hearing her cuss my daddy out. “You prayed for me.” I was in love. I was grateful and felt nothing but adoration and gratitude for her selflessness. For going to war on my behalf. No one outside of my mom had ever done that for me.
“I care so much about you, Ezekiel.” She sniffed, wiping her red eyes. “I promised your mom when this time came, I would be here. I’m here, Zeek.”
Hearing announcements in her background, I questioned her whereabouts. “Where are you going?”
“I’m coming to see you.”
I eyed my gun near my feet. “Don’t pity me, Sunnie Mae Austin.” Embarrassment had me unable to look her in the face.
“Have I ever shown you pity?” Her features had softened, and she was genuinely concerned.
“No.”
We stared at one another before another announcement came over the intercom. “My flight lands in three hours, Ezekiel, and you better be at the airport to pick me up. I love you so much.” Her voice cracked before she hung up.
Stunned all over again, I sat there for a while before my mouth felt weird and I had to rush to my bathroom to puke. I threw up everything until I started to dry heave from an empty stomach. I took a long hot shower until I stopped feeling disgusted with myself for allowing my shit to bring me so low. It’s like I came out that shower a brand new man. Curiously wondering how far I’d have to keep pulling the trigger, I checked the chamber of my gun and hung my head. Had I not answered Sunnie’s call I would’ve been dead. The bullet I’d been waiting for was finally up next and God intervened.
I’m not worthy of the mercy He showed me.
Playing my mom’s favorite gospel playlist she shared with me long ago, I cleaned my place, got dressed, and left. I had another hour before her flight arrived, so I stopped by Smoothie King to grab us smoothies. I wasn’t too sure how solid food would do on my stomach after consuming nothing but drugs for days. I had to play it safe.
Instead of waiting in my car, I decided to park and wait for her at baggage claim. People came and gone, making me nervous and gut riddled with threats of throwing up. Sunnie and I talked about a lot of things. We shared the good, the bad, and the ugly, but never anything like this. She saw me at my lowest and that had me on edge of what she thought of me and how she was going to perceive me going forward.
My dad losing respect for me is one thing, but my Sunnie Mae losing respect for me… I couldn’t handle that.
“Ezekiel!” Hearing my name being screamed across the airport, I looked up and watched this beautiful woman who was too good for me run to me. Run and jump in my arms.
I’m known for producing some of the most realistic love scenes in the adult business. My awards are proof. But us embracing in the middle of the airport, filled with emotions that no one outside of us could decipher, was a monument that I’d forever cherish above all the awards attached to my name.
“Thank you, Jesus. Oh, Lord. Thank you, Jesus.” She cried in my arms.
“You came. You came to me, Sunnie.” Even after talking to her on the phone, having her here in the physical meant everything to me.
After our hallmark reunion, we got her baggage and walked to my car. “Here. I got you a mango kale… Sunnie, what the fuck.” This damn woman hauled off and smacked the fucking gum out of my mouth. Stunned, I held my cheek glaring at her.
Taking off her shades, she revealed puffy red eyes and a red nose. Her chest started heaving as she burst into a loud sob. Her cries made me scared. Her cries weren’t normal. She cried like she was in pain, in agony.
“Sunnie.” I tried to console her, and she slapped the fuck out of me again.
“I know your mom dying hurts, Zeek, and I can’t even begin to imagine your pain but she…” She dropped her head to release a low sob. “She wouldn’t want you to end your life. You aren’t God.” She pointed a long-bedazzled nail in my face. “You can’t play God; you pray to God and ask Him to make you strong because you feel weak. Ask me or whoever else you trust to pray on your behalf. Damn it, Ezekiel. I-I… I can’t lose you too.” The harder she cried, the worse I felt for my stupid game.
Then it clicked. She’d just lost her best friend and roommate from suicide, and here I was on the verge of doing the same thing. Fuck. I was stupid. Lifting her in my lap, I cradled her to my chest and apologized. Rocking her, trying to soothe her pain, and apologizing. Even thanking her for coming to me without hesitation while she was still in mourning.
“I’m sorry, Sunnie. I’m so sorry.”