Chapter Twenty-Nine
Noelle’s stomach tied itself in knots as Jeremiah stared at her in distress.
“There’s so much that you and your family need to talk about, and I’m in the way by being here,” she said. Jeremiah’s brows furrowed as he shook his head in confusion. “I’ll take the bus home. At least one that will get me to Newark. I can figure out my way to Brickton from there.”
Her mind buzzed as her thoughts clambered over each other.
She’d opted not to tell Jeremiah about Celeste and Percy’s plans because she thought it was best that they told him themselves.
But in an effort not to insert herself, she’d still done so anyway.
Now Jeremiah and Percy had fought. And she’d intended to tell his family the truth about her job, but she hadn’t wanted the truth to unexpectedly land like a bomb in the middle of dinner.
Her chest tightened as she recalled Celeste, Amara, and Robin and their hurt expressions.
She wished that she could go back to their first dinner together earlier this summer and make it so that she’d never lied.
She’d barely known the Smiths then, and she’d been so intimidated.
She’d had no way of knowing how little they would have cared about her job, and how much they’d come to care about her.
But she wasn’t just stressed about the situation with Jeremiah’s family.
All day, she’d been berating herself for forgetting to schedule her meeting with Professor Mathis.
How could she have forgotten? But she knew how.
Yesterday, she’d been busy running around with her head in the clouds and hearts in her eyes.
How could she not view this as a bad omen?
How many more things would she lose sight of while her heart was focused on Jeremiah?
“Noelle, you’re not in the way.” Jeremiah searched her face, his gaze imploring. “How could you think that? Did I make you feel that way?”
“No, of course not,” she said. “You haven’t done anything wrong.
The truth is that I just feel really overwhelmed right now.
It’s already enough that I lied to your family about my job, but the way they found out makes it worse.
I feel so embarrassed and guilty. And then there’s the situation with my advisor meeting.
I can’t believe I missed the sign-up. I don’t know. I think I just should go.”
She didn’t want to leave, but she had to. She needed to be alone in order to think clearly. Because right now she was smack-dab in the middle of the Smiths and their drama, and she was afraid that she’d done the very thing she’d been determined to avoid for so long: lose focus on herself.
Jeremiah’s face fell. He nodded, resigned. “I understand if you want to go home,” he said quietly. “I do. But I’m not letting you take the bus. I’ll drive you.”
“No, you need to stay here and talk to your family,” she said.
“What Percy said to you about not caring wasn’t fair, but he was right about one thing.
You do have secrets, Jeremiah. You haven’t told your family the real reason behind why you left the company because it means you’ll have to tell them about your last conversation with your grandfather.
You’ve let Percy think you left because you’re selfish, but you’re not.
I hate that he has the wrong idea about who you are, all because you’re afraid to tell your family about what happened.
And you should tell them the real reason you avoided coming to Heart Beach before you brought me here. That it was about your grief.”
“Okay,” Jeremiah said. “I’ll tell them. I will. But I can tell them later after I drive you home.”
“No, please stay here.” She hated the hurt look on his face, but him staying and talking to his family was way more important than him giving her a ride home. The last thing that she wanted to do was hurt Jeremiah, but right now, he needed to be with his family, and she needed to put herself first.
She walked back inside, and Jeremiah was right behind her.
Celeste and Amara were hovering in the kitchen entryway, while Percy and Robin stood by the staircase.
From the way they each turned their heads to look at Noelle and Jeremiah as they walked inside, it was clear that his family had been waiting for them.
Noelle tensed, shrouded in guilt over her lie. She was eager to get out of Dodge and call less attention to herself, but Percy cleared his throat and said, “Noelle, wait. Please.”
She turned to Percy sharply, surprised that he’d singled her out. He looked at her sheepishly with slumped shoulders. Jeremiah stepped around Noelle and placed himself between her and Percy. He stared his brother down with suspicion.
“I owe you an apology, Noelle,” Percy said.
“It was unfair of me to put you on blast in front of everyone like that, especially when I told you that I wouldn’t say anything.
I shouldn’t have involved you, and I’m sorry.
” He paused and rubbed his jaw. “For the record, I personally don’t care if you’re a librarian or not either. ”
Noelle blinked, caught off guard by the sincerity of Percy’s apology. He glanced apprehensively at Jeremiah, who continued to stare him down.
“Thank you,” Noelle said. She wished Percy hadn’t exposed her lie the way he had, but she could tell that he’d said it in a fit of frustration directed toward Jeremiah.
And anyway, she’d chosen to lie in the first place.
How could she be mad at Percy for telling the rest of the family, whether it was intentional or not?
She looked around at the rest of the Smiths.
“I’m really sorry again for lying to you about my job.
I wish that I could go back and redo that night and tell you the truth.
I know there’s a lot that you all need to discuss, so I’m going to go home now.
Thank you for being so welcoming to me this summer. ”
“Noelle, that’s not necessary,” Celeste said, confused. “We have a lot to talk about, yes, but you don’t need to go home.” Amara and Robin nodded in agreement. This would be so much easier for Noelle if they weren’t still being so kind to her after everything.
“No, it’s okay. You need to deal with this as a family,” Noelle said. “Thank you again for letting me be here.”
Before they could persuade her to stay, Noelle jogged upstairs.
She heard Jeremiah’s footsteps right behind her.
In his bedroom, she made quick work of folding her clothes and stacking her books in her suitcase.
She focused singularly on the task, not wanting to think about how happy she’d been here with him these last several weeks and how everything had so quickly gone to shit.
“Noelle, can you just talk to me for a second?” Jeremiah asked. “Wait a minute, and I’ll pack my stuff.”
“No, please stay and talk to your family, Jeremiah,” she said, turning around to face him. “I’ll figure out my way home. This is where you need to be.”
He stared at her, visibly torn like he was fighting his desire to not let her out of his sight and his realization that what she’d said was right. He did need to stay here with his family.
His shoulders deflated. He pulled Noelle into his arms, and her heart hammered as she instinctively hugged him back.
“I’m not letting you take the bus,” he said. “I’ll order a ride.”
She looked up at him, ready to protest but he shook his head. “That’s not up for debate,” he said firmly.
“Okay,” she murmured.
He carried her suitcase downstairs. Celeste, Amara, and Robin were still standing in the hallway, but Percy was nowhere to be seen.
“Get home safe,” Celeste said. “Let Jeremiah know once you’re there, okay?”
“I will,” Noelle said, and then to her surprise, Celeste, Amara, and Robin each hugged her goodbye. Her relief at their continued kindness was overwhelming, and simultaneously made her feel guiltier.
She and Jeremiah waited for her ride outside on the sidewalk. Noelle looked up and down the street at the beautiful houses around them. She never imagined that she’d have access to a town like Heart Beach. This whole summer had been like a dream.
“I know tonight was a lot,” Jeremiah said quietly. “But I need to know if we’re okay.”
“We’re okay.” She swallowed thickly as she gazed at him, afraid of saying anything that might hurt him. “I wasn’t lying when I said that I’m not mad at you. But…I need a bit of space to think.”
“Space?” He blinked, repeating the word like it burned his tongue. “I’m moving soon. All we’re going to have is space once I’m in California.”
The pained look on his face pierced her heart.
“I know,” she said, voice shaking. “But my head is all over the place right now, and in order to be a good girlfriend to you, I need to be able to think clearly. I just need a few days to get my thoughts straight. And I’ll call you when I’m ready. If that’s okay.”
Jeremiah stared at her in worry. Thick silence enveloped them. Noelle could almost hear the pounding of her heart.
“Of course it’s okay,” he said finally, voice low. “I respect that you want space after everything that happened tonight. Just know that I’m here, and I’ll be waiting.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
Her ride turned down the street and pulled up in front of them. Jeremiah placed his hands on either side of Noelle’s face and kissed her deeply, almost desperately, like he was unsure if he’d get the chance to kiss her again. Noelle closed her eyes as she kissed him back.
She loved Jeremiah. The truth was startlingly clear to her now.
And that was why this situation was so scary.
Whenever she fell in love, she lost herself, and she was afraid that might happen again.
She was trying her best to hold on to her heart and protect it.
Because now she knew that Jeremiah and his family had the power to break her heart irrevocably.
When their kiss ended, Jeremiah placed another soft kiss on her forehead. He held her close like she was the most precious thing in the world. He was making it so much harder for her to leave.
“I’ll text you when I get home,” she said, forcing herself to step away from his embrace.
He nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Okay.”
The Uber driver placed Noelle’s suitcase in the trunk, and she climbed in the back seat. Jeremiah watched them drive away. He lifted his hand and waved as they turned the corner. She craned her neck and looked at him out of the rear window until she couldn’t see him anymore.
By the time she got home over an hour later, her nerves were frayed. She’d left Brickton on Friday feeling like she was floating on a cloud. Now she’d crashed back down to earth.
To her surprise, Tati was home. She was sitting on the couch, watching Living Single again.
“Hey,” she said, sitting up and pausing the show. “You came home just in time. I just got to the episode where Nia Long is dating Kyle.” Tati frowned and looked closer at Noelle. “What’s wrong?”
The comforting and familiar sound of her best friend’s voice made Noelle realize just how tired and sad she felt.
She kicked off her shoes and left her suitcase by the door.
She joined Tati on the couch and rested her head against Tati’s shoulder.
Tati wrapped her arm around Noelle and angled her face to look at Noelle more closely.
“Tell me what happened,” Tati said softly.
Noelle poured out her heart and told Tati about everything that had happened in Heart Beach this weekend. When she was done speaking, she felt raw and empty.
“It’s gonna be okay,” Tati said, hugging Noelle close.
Sometimes there was nothing better than a hug from your best friend exactly when you needed it.
Noelle realized that she’d forgotten to let Jeremiah know that she was home. She sent him a text.
I made it home safe. Thank you again for my ride.
He responded immediately. Good. And you don’t need to thank me.
I hope everything goes okay when you talk to your family, she texted.
Thank you.
She bit her lip as she read his message, unsure of what to say next, or if she should say anything more at all. Then a follow-up text came through.
I’ll be here whenever you’re ready.