Chapter Thirty
After Noelle left, a block of ice lodged itself inside Jeremiah’s chest. Numbly, he went upstairs to his room and sat on his bed. He understood why she’d left. But her no longer being here still fucked him up. He felt her absence everywhere.
Usually on Sunday night, the Smiths were packing and leaving Heart Beach to go back to their separate homes and prepare for the upcoming week.
But for some reason, everyone had stayed.
It was as if there was an unspoken agreement that no one could leave Heart Beach until some kind of resolution took place.
Jeremiah thought of how Noelle had encouraged him to tell his family about what happened the last time he spoke to Pop.
His fear over telling them about that conversation had caused so many problems. It had led to a strained relationship with Percy, who thought he’d left the company for selfish reasons.
It had led to him avoiding Heart Beach for an entire summer because he hadn’t wanted to be confronted with his painful memories.
It had led to his lie about having a girlfriend.
If it weren’t for that lie, he wouldn’t have brought Noelle to Heart Beach, and he wouldn’t have fallen in love with her.
Because he did love her. He knew that with every ounce of his being.
That particular lie had brought him and Noelle together.
But it was time to come clean to his family now.
He left his room and went downstairs. His mom and sisters were sitting on the living room couch, each holding bowls of pie and ice cream, watching The Best Man. His nieces must have gone upstairs to their room.
“Hey,” Celeste said softly. “Did Noelle get home okay?”
He nodded, chest tightening at the thought of Noelle. “I want to talk to everyone about something,” he said. “Where’s Percy?”
“Upstairs.” Robin grabbed her phone. “I’ll text him and tell him to come down.”
“Okay, thanks,” Jeremiah said.
Minutes later, Percy walked into the living room. He looked at Jeremiah, uneasy. “What’s going on?” he asked.
Jeremiah was still angry with Percy, but he didn’t want to lose track of what he needed to tell everyone now.
“There’s something that I should have told you years ago,” he started.
He inhaled a deep breath, then let it go.
“The real reason that I left Smith’s Sweets is because I felt like I was a failure to our family.
It’s not a secret that while I was there, I wasn’t the best employee because I wasn’t my best self at that time in my life.
I didn’t take my job seriously enough. Compared to the rest of you, I didn’t see how I could add anything of value, so I didn’t bother trying.
I didn’t want to stay with the company and ruin the family image, but I wanted to do better with myself and my life.
That’s why I left. I started working at Good Boy with Aaron because I saw it as a chance to start over and really make something of myself.
” He looked at Percy. “I let you believe whatever you wanted to believe about me leaving, because I wasn’t ready to tell you the catalyst behind why I realized that I needed to do better. ”
He paused, pulse thudding in his ears. His family stared at him, waiting.
He was afraid for them to look at him differently once he told them about his last night with Pop.
But he remembered Noelle’s words. They’ll understand.
They’re your soft place to land. He pushed forward and told his family about what he and Pop had discussed the night before he died.
He told them about how Pop had called him out on his lifestyle, and the shame he felt for lashing out at Pop and storming out when Pop was just trying to help him.
He told them how he’d worked hard to get himself together since Pop’s death and how that was also why he had a hard time coming back to Heart Beach.
Sharing this while standing in the living room, the same place where his worst memory took place, was difficult as hell.
But the final weight that had been sitting on his chest for the past two years slowly began to lift.
He’d always regret not handling that conversation with Pop better.
But he was trying his best to be the kind of person who would make Pop proud, and that wasn’t nothing.
He was a work in progress, and he would keep working on himself.
And he was lucky enough to have one of the best men in the world as an example to follow.
When he finished speaking, his muscles tensed as he waited for his family’s reaction. Percy watched him, brows knit together. Amara pressed her hand over her heart, and Robin bit her lip, giving Jeremiah a sympathetic look. It was Celeste who spoke first.
“Why didn’t you ever tell us, honey?” she asked. She didn’t sound judgmental. Instead, she sounded like she was sad that Jeremiah hadn’t said anything sooner.
“I was embarrassed,” Jeremiah admitted. “And ashamed. I didn’t want any of you to know how awful our last talk was. I didn’t want you to know how disappointed he was in me before he died.”
“You know he said those things because he loved you, right?” Amara said. “Maybe he was disappointed in some of your behavior at that time, but not in you as a person.”
“He would be so proud of you and how hard you’ve worked and the things you’ve done with your life,” Celeste said. “Just like how I’m proud of you. But what’s this about you thinking you couldn’t contribute anything of value compared to the rest of us? Why did you think that?”
“I just…” He glanced at his siblings, who watched him, awaiting his answer. “The rest of you are so amazing and good at what you do, and you’ve always been that way. It was hard for me not to compare myself. It’s taken me a lot longer to find my footing.”
“Honey, you contribute something of value, just by being yourself,” Celeste said. “I hate that you’ve felt this way.”
“It’s not a competition to see who’s the best Smith,” Amara said. “We’re family. We all bring something to the table.”
Beside Amara, Robin nodded in agreement. Percy continued to watch Jeremiah in quiet contemplation, like he was viewing the last few years through a new lens.
“Thank you, that’s true,” he said, in reply to his mom and sister. It was a relief to hear them say these things, a real balm to his soul.
But he wasn’t done sharing the truth yet. Maybe it wasn’t necessary to tell the full backstory about how he and Noelle had gotten together. But he didn’t want to hide any more lies. Coming completely clean was the only way to move forward.
“I lied earlier this summer about having a girlfriend who I was spending time with because I needed an excuse not to come here,” he said. “There was no girlfriend. I’m really sorry for lying to you.”
The four of them sported matching frowns of confusion.
“But…what about Noelle?” Celeste asked.
“She was pretending to be my girlfriend at first,” Jeremiah said.
“We really did meet at a bookstore. That part was true, and I did like her when I met her. But she came here and pretended to be my girlfriend as a favor to me. I didn’t want you to know that I was purposely avoiding the house or why I was avoiding it.
And then I realized that telling you that I lied would hurt you and make things worse, and I didn’t want to do that.
At the end of summer, Noelle and I were supposed to go our separate ways, but our feelings for each other became real. She really is my girlfriend now.”
And he hoped it would stay that way.
“Wow,” Celeste said quietly, brows furrowed. Amara, Percy, and Robin stared at him with renewed surprise.
“I deserve your anger for lying,” he said. “But please don’t be mad at Noelle. She was always encouraging me to be honest with you.”
“This is a lot to process,” Celeste said slowly.
“I am angry that you lied to us, but mostly I’m sad that you felt you had to lie because you were ashamed to tell us the real reason that you didn’t want to come to Heart Beach.
” Celeste sighed, shaking her head. “Honey, Pop loved you. And we love you. You never have to hide anything from us. Don’t lie to us like that again. I’m serious.”
“I swear that I won’t,” Jeremiah said quickly, grateful to still have his family’s love even though he’d kept things from them. “Again, I’m sorry. You don’t have to worry about me lying again ever. Not even for simple stuff, like if I like the food you cooked.”
That got a smile out of Celeste, Amara, and Robin. But Percy didn’t smile. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“Us getting in a fight wasn’t right,” Percy said. “I’m sorry that I accused you of not caring.”
“I’m sorry about the fight too,” Jeremiah said. “I understand why you were mad at me for leaving, especially because you didn’t know the real reason why.” He looked at Celeste. “But I don’t think you should sell. I stand by that not being what Pop wanted. What can I do? How can I help?”
“We’ll table the selling conversation for now, okay?” Celeste said. “Today has been a lot. We can talk more at a later date. For now, can we just watch a movie together as a family?”
Jeremiah wanted to convince Celeste and Percy that selling wasn’t the right thing to do. But he recognized that it had been a long day for everyone, and he was exhausted too.
“Okay,” he said.
Jeremiah sat down on the couch to Celeste’s right. They continued watching The Best Man. And even though today had been hard, the fact that they still were able to watch a movie together spoke volumes. After everything, his family was his soft place to land, just like Noelle had said.
Later, alone in bed, he stared at Noelle’s reply text to him saying he’d be there whenever she was ready. She’d texted, Okay. He respected however much time she needed. He hoped to hear from her soon, though. She was his soft place to land too.