Chapter 20 #2
“I can’t do this right now,” I say quietly, stepping back. “Dinner’s finished. There’s a timer that will go off when the pie should come out of the oven. Zane and Ashton should be here soon.”
I turn around before he can respond and grab my bag and keys and don’t tell him goodbye.
I don’t trust myself to speak anymore. I step out into the evening air, the door closing softly behind me.
I move quickly, tears blurring my vision as I make it to my car, desperate to put distance between us before I break apart completely.
As I slide into the driver’s seat and shut the door, I press my forehead to the steering wheel and let out a shaky breath. I came back to Covewood hoping to find something I’d lost with my dad. Instead, my heart aches with the realization that I may never get him back.
Sven presses closer to my side, his head resting against my thigh, as his tail begins to wag when we hear the sound of tires crunching over gravel. I scratch behind his ears absently, my gaze lifting as Zane’s truck comes to a stop near his cabin.
I’m sitting in front of the bonfire I built as soon as I got home.
I’d used Zane’s spare key that he keeps under his welcome mat so I could let Sven outside, not only to help Zane out but because I didn’t want to be alone.
The flames have burned down to a steady rhythm now.
I’ve been staring at them, lost in thought, ignoring the constant buzzing from my phone.
I avoid looking over at Zane and hear his driver’s side door open and close.
I consider taking off and pretending that I’m not here so I can avoid this conversation altogether, but it’s too late because I can hear Zane’s long strides coming closer.
Sven perks up, wagging his tail in greeting as Zane approaches.
He crouches down to give him a quick pat before his attention shifts to me.
Affection flickers across his face once he sees mine.
“Hey,” he says with a gentle voice as he moves an inch closer. “What happened? Are you okay?”
I swipe away my tears before tucking my knees into my chest. “No. Not really.”
His gaze lingers, tracking the evidence my earlier tears have left behind. He takes a seat on the log next to me, his elbows resting on his knees as he leans closer.
“I stopped by your dad’s,” he says carefully, and my stomach twists at the mention of my dad. “He was…visibly upset. He couldn’t really explain what happened between you two, but it was clear something did.”
Guilt crashes over me in suffocating waves. It wasn’t fair to him that I asked such a heavy question, knowing he couldn’t really explain himself. I grew so tired of the constant silence from him that I wanted anything from him. Knowing I left him in tears breaks my heart all over again.
“I shouldn’t have left like that,” I admit, staring into the fire because it’s easier than looking at Zane. “I just…blew up and then walked out.”
Zane stays quiet, giving me the space to find my words, much like I’ve been doing for my dad this whole time.
“I tried,” I continue, my voice cracking. “I wanted things to be different with us. I thought by now that he’d meet me halfway. That our relationship would be on the mend. But I’ve been here for almost two months now, and things feel the same.”
The fire pops, sparks lifting into the dark sky. I watch as they spiral up for a moment before they drift lazily toward the ground, the orange glow slowly fading away.
“I don’t know why it still hurts so much when I should be used to his silence by now.”
My throat feels like it closes with those words, my breath becoming shallow as the weight of it all finally breaks through.
Zane doesn’t interrupt me. He listens until my words seem to run out and the tears come instead.
I try to wipe them away quickly, embarrassed by how they spill over suddenly, but my hands shake too much to be effective.
“Hey, come here,” he says, shifting closer.
I hesitate at first, but then I take his hand, and without thinking, I climb onto his lap. I bring my arms up around him and bury my face in his neck. He hesitates, only for a second, before his arms come around me.
He holds me firmly, one hand cradling the back of my head, the other rubbing slow, soothing circles along my spine.
His warm breath is on my ear, and I breathe him in, not caring about how he still smells like sweat from his workday.
My sobs break through then, muffled against his shoulder as he lets me fall apart in his arms.
“It’s okay,” he whispers into my hair. “I’ve got you.”
And I believe him. I’ve learned that this kind of attentiveness is a part of who Zane is, and it’s the most attractive feature I’ve seen in a man for quite some time. How does he always seem to know exactly what I need?
My crying doesn’t stop all at once. It fades slowly until my breaths even out and Zane’s heartbeat is the only sound I can hear. His hand continues to stroke my hair, and he makes no motion to move away from this position, as if he has all the time in the world just to hold me.
When I finally lift my head, my cheeks are damp and my eyes burn, but I feel lighter. Zane’s gaze softens and holds mine while his thumb wipes away the tears on my cheek.
“You have a right to be upset. He missed out on so much because of his past choices. I’m sure it’ll take both of you more time than either of you expected to move forward.”