Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Zane
Ikissed Maxinne.
I. Kissed. Maxinne.
All it took was those large brown eyes of hers to gaze up at me, and that was it. The last thread of control I’d been clinging to snapped like a worn-out rubber band. I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t plan on kissing her—at least, not right then. It just…happened.
I hadn’t taken the time to weigh the consequences or pause to think about what kissing her might change for us. I just let myself have her. And it felt like coming home and stepping off a cliff all at once.
Which is what scares me now, because kisses like that don’t stay neatly tucked between heartbeats. It demands something more. And as incredible as it felt to give into the ache I’ve been carrying, I wonder if I’ve crossed a line that can’t be uncrossed.
I flip the sandwich in the skillet, and the soft sizzle answers back as the peanut butter melts into the bread. When I glance over my shoulder, I find Maxinne watching me. She smiles instantly, causing the two dimples in her cheeks to appear, and for a second, I forget all about the sandwich.
She’s sitting there with her knees tucked beneath her, soft brown hair loose over her shoulders, the overhead lighting transforming them into threads of gold. There’s a trace of vulnerability on her face that I don’t miss. Is she feeling the same way I am? Thinking about that kiss?
A bark pulls my attention away. Sven nudges his way into Maxinne’s lap, nearly knocking over one of my potted plants in the process. She laughs and buries her hands in his fur. I turn back to the stove before I stare too long.
A few minutes later, I slide a plate in front of Maxinne and kiss my fingertips like one of those fancy TV chefs. “Bon appétit.”
She eyes the sandwich then me. “What—”
I reach over the kitchen island and place a finger to her mouth, smirking when she stops talking. Her lips are soft against my skin, sending a quick zip through every nerve ending there, and instead of moving away, I stare. Like a complete weirdo.
I cough away my nerves, because of course I’m nervous right now. Those lips were on mine only thirty minutes ago, and now it’s all I can think about. I remove my finger, the smirk vanishing from my face, and push her plate an inch toward her.
“You have to take a bite and experience the sandwich first, and then you can ask whatever questions you might have.”
Her eyebrow raises in amusement, and I catch the hint of a smile tipping the corners of her mouth before she hides it behind her sandwich.
She takes a bite, and I watch her chew. I study the creases on her lips, the way her bottom one is a little plumper than her top, how her cupid’s bow dips ever so slightly.
And I’m staring at her again.
“Wow.” She hums in delight, and I most definitely do not react to that sound.
I swallow hard and fight the desire to lean across the kitchen island and lick away the smudge of peanut butter she has on the corner of her mouth.
I’d pick her up by those thighs of hers that have been so very distracting anytime she’s wearing shorts, and I’d set her on this island in front of me so we could be at eye level and I could easily reach her mouth.
I’m pretty sure she’s talking to me right now, but I’m unsure of what she’s saying. I shake my head, refocus my gaze, and with the way she’s looking at me, I know she’s seen how much she’s destroyed my control.
“Hmm?”
“Everything okay up there?” she asks, and I’m reminded of the first time she asked me that. Had that only been a month ago? How does being around Maxinne feel like a time warp?
I nod in response. “Yeah.” My voice comes out a little gruff, and I clear my throat. “How do you like it?”
She shakes her head at me. “I said it’s really good. Like, really, really good.”
I beam with satisfaction before taking a bite of my own sandwich.
“There’s a story here. I can tell by the look on your face,” she adds.
I wonder if my expression has given away everything I’ve been thinking about tonight.
The problem is, I wouldn’t even know how to explain it if she asked.
How do you admit that someone is quietly undoing fears you spent years convincing yourself were there to protect you? I swallow my bite and grin at her.
“There is.” I pause as I walk around to take the barstool next to her, partly for dramatic effect, and partly so we don’t have this dreadful island between us anymore.
“When we first moved here, Ryland and I were upset for weeks. Leaving our friends and home was tough on us. So, one morning after church, my Nan made us these sandwiches to cheer us up. It’s basically a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but you grill it with butter and maple syrup until it is brown, and add the powdered sugar on top. ”
Her expression softens. “Well, did it cheer you up?”
I take another bite, smiling as I chew, and nod.
“That’s sweet. I bet you miss her.”
“I do. So much,” I say through my mouthful.
I swallow, a little harder than I intended, the food going ’down the wrong pipe.
’ I cough and look for my cup but realize I didn’t pour us anything to drink.
Maxinne moves quickly, rushing toward the fridge, and tosses me a bottle of water.
I take a drink, instantly grateful for the relief it brings.
She’s turned around now, looking into the fridge, and freezes mid-reach. I wait until she finally grabs something and pulls out an Olipop, one of the prebiotic beverages she likes drinking. She turns around, surprise settling deep in the lines bracketing her eyes.
“Did I rub off on you and you’ve started drinking Olipop?”
“No. I bought them for you.”
She looks down at the can in her hands, and her face relaxes.
“I know how much you like them,” I add.
“I, uh…” She pauses, closing the fridge door behind her, and returns to her seat with the drink in hand.
Strawberry-vanilla flavored, I notice. I bought one in every flavor that I could find.
“Derek used to make fun of me for drinking these. He always said it would cause my stomach to stretch and make me look bloated. I found out later that the stretching part is a myth. He would also tell me they weren’t worth the cost. So I never kept them in the house.
I would only have one here and there whenever I went grocery shopping, as a little secret treat. ”
I frown. “You should be allowed to have something that makes you happy.”
“How do you know they make me happy?”
“You do this cute little shoulder-shimmy move, like this”—I do my best impression—“every time you take your first sip. It’s how I imagine I feel when I take that first sip of hot coffee in the mornings.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do a shoulder shimmy after coffee before.”
“Maybe not, but if it makes you smile, I’ll start doing one every morning.”
I return my attention to my sandwich and take a bite as I try to rein in where my mind wants to go.
But I also don’t move from my stool that’s close enough to her that our knees brush together.
I pretend to focus on my food instead of watching her lick her fingers.
I definitely ignore the low tug in the pit of my stomach when she lets out a faint moan as she takes another bite and then sips her drink.
It’s the shoulder shimmy that finally does it for me, though.
As soon as she sets her can down, I lean over and kiss her again, her half-eaten sandwich clattering onto the plate. My fingers weave through her hair until I cup the back of her head and bring her closer to me. She tastes like peanut butter and sugar and all my dreams coming true.
Sven barks and jumps onto me, practically pulling us apart, and causes a ripple of laughter out of us. I point my finger at him, and he blinks at me, unfazed by my silent scolding. Maxinne reaches over and gives Sven a scratch behind his ears.
“Don’t reward him for breaking up our moment.”
“You can’t be upset with him.” She looks at Sven and then continues to baby-talk him. “He’s just a little jealous.”
Sven closes his eyes as she scratches his chin, and I can’t believe that I’m actually a little jealous of my own dog. He’s supposed to be my companion, but I see his true motives now. He wants to steal Maxinne’s attention from me. I narrow my eyes at him, which only gets her to laugh.
“I take that back.” She smirks, looking between us. “Maybe you’re the jealous one.”
I swallow. I want to kiss that smirk clean off her beautiful face.
“Of course I am. He’s trying to steal you away from me.”
To my surprise, she releases her hold on Sven and slides off her stool. She steps toward me, one slow step, and then another, until she’s standing between my knees, close enough that I can feel the warmth of her legs, causing my breath to catch.
She lifts her hands to cup my face, her palms soft against my jaw, and I go completely still. I’m scared that one wrong move might shatter this moment. She tugs my face toward hers, agonizingly slow, until I’m close enough to smell the maple syrup on her breath.
I know, with absolute certainty, that Maxinne has ruined this sandwich for me forever. No longer will I be able to think about my sweet grandmother making it for Ryland and me. I will forever think of this moment with her.
My eyelids flutter closed, and the tips of our noses brush as her breaths pick up.
My heart pounds against my ribs right as her lips pause in front of mine.
Then, I feel the lightest touch, and I put my hands on her hips to pull her closer.
But she doesn’t yield. Instead, her lips are like a whisper against mine, touching but not quite kissing.
“I think you and I both know by now that I’m all yours.”
And for the third time this evening, Maxinne completely destroys my control.
My mouth fuses onto hers, and there’s nothing that could have prepared me for this. For the way her curves fit against me like they were always meant to. Or the way she responds to me without hesitation. How she leads the kiss, even though I’m the one who started it.
I pull my mouth away long enough to trail kisses along her jaw, leaving a maple-sticky trail down the smooth line of her neck.
This kiss is hot enough to melt us together.
All of the tension we’ve built since she’s been in Covewood syncs up perfectly in an intricate dance of kissing, nibbling, smiling, and laughing.
She mumbles something against my lips that I can’t quite catch, her fingers scraping gently at my scalp before sliding down my neck and across my shoulders. I want to ask what she said. I really do. But my thoughts have completely short-circuited.
Her palm cups my cheek, thumb brushing along my skin, and an involuntary sigh leaves from my chest. I pull back enough to rest my forehead against hers, our breaths tangling together.
I haven’t felt this happy in such a long time. Honestly, I don’t remember ever feeling this way before.
“Max,” I breathe.
Every slow exhale from her warms my lips, and all at once, the weight of my emotions settles over me. It’s not just this kiss or this moment. It’s everything. It’s every moment with her.
In the past, I might have called this a coincidence, but I don’t think I can now.
Not after all the prayers and all the ways God has shown up when I least expected Him to.
Especially not after watching Him heal pieces of both of us this summer.
God wasn’t only working in our individual stories, but He was weaving them together all along.
The thought is almost too much to comprehend.
Needing some air and space to sort through my thoughts, I pull back. She steps away until she’s perched on the stool again. For a second, neither of us speaks. She lifts her hand, thumb brushing across her lips, a dazed smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.
“Wow,” she whispers.
“Wow,” I echo, because it’s the only word that even comes close to what kissing her is like.
“I, uh… I didn’t expect the night to go this way.”
She lets out a soft laugh, shaking her head as she meets my gaze. “Me either.”
I swallow, the words falling from my mouth before I can stop them. “If I’m being honest, I didn’t even know I could have”—I gesture loosely between my heart and hers—“this again.”
Her smile fades a little, her brows knitting together as she studies me. “What do you mean?”
I rake a hand through my already messy hair, searching for the right words. It’s funny how the greatest risk wasn’t the kiss. It’s our honesty that follows. I exhale then reach for her hand, lacing my fingers through hers before I look at her fully.
“I trusted you enough to kiss you,” I say, my thumb brushing the inside of her palm. “That might not sound like a big deal, but to me it is. You made my heart feel safe enough to open again. You changed something in me, Max. And I don’t know what to do with that yet.”
She stares at me. “We don’t have to do anything with it right now. We can just…let this be. Let this grow at its own pace.”
Relief loosens something deep in my chest. I nod, squeezing her hand once more.
“But for the record,” she adds, waiting until I meet her gaze, “I don’t want you thinking you’re the only one feeling something here.
I really like you, Zane, and I want to see where this goes.
I’d like to spend more time with you and figure out what we’re becoming, if that’s something you want too. ”
A nervous smile tugs at the corner of her mouth, hopeful despite the uncertainty lingering in her eyes.
“I’m not asking for promises tonight, and we don’t need to put a label on anything yet. But when you’re ready…” Her fingers tighten around mine. “I’d like to take that step with you.”
Emotion swells in my chest. Every fear I’d been carrying of getting this wrong and the possibility of losing her, of opening my heart only to watch someone walk away again, begins to loosen its grip. She isn’t asking me to prove anything tonight. She’s simply choosing me anyway.
“I’d like that too,” I admit. “But for the record, I’ve spent way too long pretending I only want to be your friend. I’d like you to be my girlfriend.”
Her cheeks immediately flush pink. “Oh, really?”
“Really.”
The smile she gives me is bright enough to make my heart stumble.
She stays right where she is, our hands still joined, her thumb tracing a slow, absentminded line along my knuckle.
Her hair is a little wild from my hands being tangled within it moments before.
Her eyes are hazy, lashes dark against flushed cheeks, but there’s a steadiness in her gaze now.
“We shouldn’t waste these delicious sandwiches,” I add.
She releases my hand, a small grin on her face as she tucks her legs beneath her on the stool, getting comfortable again.
As I finish the last few bites of my sandwich, there’s a certainty that’s washed over me since the moment she kissed me.
Even as we slip back into easy banter and shared laughter, I’ve found myself in something that only God could have put me in.