Chapter 6
SUSANNA
Susanna’s thoughts had been all over the place on the flight to Guernsey. She’d closed her eyes on the pretence of being exhausted and Addie hadn’t questioned it. Both needed time to process their return to the island and the loss of Gayle in their own way.
For the entire flight Susanna’s mind was either on the island itself, Gayle or Alex. She’d called Alex from the airport but he hadn’t answered, and so the questions began to churn over and over. Where was he? Who was he with? And when was he going to tell her what was going on?
As they boarded the ferry that would take them over to Anchor Island, Susanna requested they sit outside.
‘Does it help?’ Addie asked her as they found a seat in the open air.
‘It seems to, at least a little bit.’ It was Mateo who’d once suggested it to combat her seasickness.
In her school days, getting the boat was a daily occurrence with the high school on Guernsey but she was well and truly out of practice now and already felt queasy at the thought of the rocking motions that would accompany the almost three-hour-long crossing ahead of them.
Addie noticed the wristbands Susanna was slipping on.
‘Alex got them for me,’ she explained.
While Susanna had been packing her things yesterday, Alex had nipped out and returned with a small package containing the funny little bands, each featuring a small plastic stud. ‘Apparently the studs push against an acupressure point, and it helps avoid nausea.’
‘Fingers crossed,’ said Addie.
It was such a kind thing to do. Did husbands who were cheating buy their wives thoughtful gifts?
As the boat’s engines started, Addie began to smile. ‘There was a time, you know, when boats were totally your thing.’
Susanna laughed. ‘How long have you been gearing up to drop that massive hint?’
‘A hint at what?’
‘Don’t play innocent. You’re wondering if I’m thinking about Mateo.’
‘Okay, guilty. So… are you?’
‘No.’ She pulled a face. ‘All right, a bit. I wonder if he’s still there.
’ Mateo used to work at the marina adjacent to the harbour they would be sailing into today.
He’d gone off to work elsewhere for a few years, but as Anchor Island had always been his home, was he back there now?
She’d never bumped into him, not on any of her brief return visits to see her sister after she left for university, and she’d always been grateful for that.
Things hadn’t ended well, so the thought of facing him again had always filled her with dread.
But now? Now there was a curiosity. She wondered what he was like. Had he changed or had time stood still?
Mateo Collins had taught Susanna what it was like to have a lover rather than a boyfriend.
Up until she met Mateo, she’d had the odd date – she’d kissed boys, even gone a bit further than that – but Mateo was entirely different.
Susanna and Mateo talked about a future together too, something she’d never seen coming.
She always thought she knew exactly what she wanted – leave the island, never come back, but with Mateo’s other love being the sea she had a lot of thinking to do.
They talked about living near the coast somewhere, even if it wasn’t on an island.
They even talked about maybe setting up a business, something to do with boats or water sports.
She didn’t really care back then, as long as they were together.
Mateo had fast become her world and she’d thought they’d go the distance.
‘I wonder how much the island has changed,’ she said to stop her thoughts going deeper and deeper to the first man she’d ever loved.
‘I’ll bet Bay Street still looks the same,’ said Addie. ‘The Sweet Life Café will still be in situ with its balcony that gets crazy hot in the summer and freezing cold in the winter.’
‘The café was Bay Street’s main attraction.’ Back in the day, anyway. People had come from all over the island to try one of Gayle’s puddings – some had come from even further afield. ‘Have you ever looked it up online?’
‘Bay Street?’
Susanna shook her head. ‘No, the Sweet Life Café.’
‘Never. You?’
She looked at Addie more closely. ‘You’ve really never got curious?’
‘Honestly, I haven’t. You seem surprised.’
‘Well, you were always a bit more attached than I was.’
Addie looked away, out to the water as the vessel began its slow departure.
‘I wonder what will happen to the café without Aunt Gayle?’ She wanted to distract herself from the crossing; she was sure that would be just as effective as the wristbands, or perhaps the two things would work together.
‘I don’t know,’ said Addie.
‘Did she ever say what she eventually wanted to do with it?’
‘Susanna, it’s been a long time. Mostly we talked baking, not business. I don’t remember ever talking about long term plans.’
Was there a note of regret in Addie’s voice?
‘If the Sweet Life Café lasted through the pandemic, then Gayle did well,’ said Susanna.
‘I didn’t think of that.’
‘A lot of businesses went under.’ She paused. ‘I hope hers didn’t.’
‘Do you really mean that?’
‘Addie, I never hated Aunt Gayle.’
They both looked out across the Channel as the boat chopped through the water, taking them back to the place they’d left behind.
Susanna had been very young when their dad was forced to give up the Cuppas and Treats Café in Oxford due to financial pressures, but she remembered the change in him – how he’d gone from embracing every day with an energy and vigour, to lacking much enthusiasm at all.
From what she understood, Aunt Gayle was originally supposed to take on the family’s café with Harry, but she’d gone off to do her own thing very early on.
In later years, Harry had made it obvious that he resented the fact, and Susanna suspected that was why they hadn’t seen their aunt for years while he was alive.
It had made her wonder why on earth their dad had entrusted his sister with their care after he was gone rather than their maternal grandparents who they adored.
They were both gone now, but Susanna and Addie had never forgotten how special they were, the grandparents who told them that going to the island to be with their Aunt Gayle was for the best, that they’d have a good life with all that sea air and Gayle’s youthful enthusiasm.
They’d waxed lyrical about the wonderful puddings Gayle created too, and the Sweet Life Café on the island.
The café had indeed been somewhere the girls loved, even Susanna, who had had to go there to babysit Addie so many times when her friends were off being young and free.
The Sweet Life Café had some good memories, and it was there that Susanna first crossed paths with Mateo.
The handsome, bronzed stranger had come in to fetch a pie, and she’d been unable to take her eyes off the tall guy with dirty blond hair, seaside-messy like he’d just been out on a boat.
She knew that if she was close enough to touch it, it would be full of salt.
She’d watched him as he waited at the counter, chatting to her aunt, who was putting the pie into a takeaway box for him.
Dressed in shorts and a T-shirt, she’d immediately guessed this guy couldn’t possibly work in an office given his casual attire and his strong physique, even before she heard him say something about working with boats and that he was taking the pie back to the yard for the other guys.
As the boat furthered its journey across the Channel Susanna thought about the Sweet Life Café and the other times she’d been happy to be there.
Their aunt had always been generous with puddings.
She’d let them choose whatever they wanted while she worked until closing time, and she’d always told them that they would do dinner in reverse – dessert first, main course later.
The girls had thought it was heaps of fun.
In fact, it was one of the times they’d both thought that maybe Gayle wasn’t so bad.
But she would never take the place of the mother who’d died when Susanna was only eleven years old, and Susanna had never forgotten what Gayle did to ruin the happiness she’d eventually found on the island with Mateo.
The fresh air felt good, but Susanna didn’t feel entirely great on the boat. And they were nowhere near halfway through their crossing. Instead of silence and contemplation, she needed conversation. ‘The attic will take a while to sort through,’ she said to Addie.
Addie hooked her hair away from her face as she turned towards her sister. ‘No doubt. Dad’s things have been up there for so long. I’m quite looking forward to raking through old memories.’
‘True.’ She wasn’t sure how much Harry-worshipping she could do, though – probably very little compared to her sister. She decided to add a practical suggestion rather than getting lost in the emotion. ‘We should think about hiring a skip.’
‘I don’t think that’ll be necessary. We’ll want to keep some things.’
Well, that backfired – Addie no doubt thought she was about to chuck out as much as she could.
Harry had been a good father in so many ways and Susanna knew, much like Addie holding on to good things about the past, she was holding on to the bad parts.
‘How’s work going?’ she asked Addie in an effort to avoid anything contentious. Everyone around them was chattering, kids were giggling, people clustered at the side of the boat eager to see their destination when it finally came into view.
Addie talked about her job, and the recent presentation she’d worked so hard on plus the extra hours she’d been putting in.
‘Would you ever look for something different?’ Susanna only asked because Addie hadn’t seemed entirely happy, especially about the weekend work. Weekends were sacred for most people but particularly for a single mum.
‘When would I have the time?’ Addie smiled. ‘And besides, sometimes it’s better the devil you know. And my boss is quite nice really, at least when I’m not running late… again.’ She explained her recent tardiness and the coffee spill on her shirt.
‘Life happens, he should understand that. You aren’t always late, are you?’
She pulled a face. ‘A few times, in quick succession.’
‘But he knows you’re a parent, right?’
‘He does.’
‘Then maybe he should be looking at giving you a little more flexibility rather than making you feel bad about yourself.’
Addie began to smile. ‘You’re just like Dad was. He never took any crap from anyone.’
Susanna looked out at the white crests on the waves. ‘I’m more like Mum than Dad.’
‘Right…’ she heard Addie say.
Susanna was beginning to feel unwell and the last thing she wanted to do was talk about their dad, not when it brought a whole lot of stress when their differing opinions and memories emerged. She shifted her gaze to the horizon to hopefully quell any more nausea.
She wondered whether she should talk about Alex, confide in her sister some more but when she turned to face Addie her sister was looking out across the water.
Perhaps silence was the best thing for them both right now.
And as the land mass of Anchor Island became visible, they stayed quiet, both sisters looking in opposite directions, waiting for the inevitable moment when they stepped onto dry land.
Back to the island they’d both left behind. Back to memories of the woman who’d been their last remaining connection to family and who had hurt Susanna so much that Susanna had never forgiven her for it.
She wondered if, were Gayle still alive, she would have been able to find forgiveness towards her aunt. And would her aunt really have wanted it, or had she been glad to get her life and her café back to herself?