Chapter 18
SUSANNA
When Addie came downstairs, she took one look at Susanna with her laptop on the kitchen table and frowned. ‘You work too hard.’
‘I’m not working… at least, not any more.
’ Not like last night, when she’d used the work excuse to escape the dinner table.
Aunt Gayle had barely touched the stew Addie had made for their evening meal and when she’d started talking about the living funeral, the bunting, the food, and the arrangements, Susanna had wanted to avoid being asked the direct question of whether she was going, and even more so, she didn’t want to hear that Addie had decided she definitely was.
Now, with six days to go, they were going to have to make a decision about the event sooner rather than later.
Susanna had also wanted to escape the dinner table last night because her head was all over the place thinking about Mateo and their encounter after all these years.
It had been on her mind ever since she’d fallen into his arms at the marina.
Last night, she’d dreamt about him and when she woke, she’d felt terribly guilty, as if she’d cheated on Alex.
In the dream, Mateo had kissed her just like the first time.
It was almost as if last night in her dream she’d been able to feel exactly the way she had back then as their bodies had drawn closer, arms around one another, and they’d had a kiss so tender she’d thought she might pass out.
‘What are you up to if it isn’t work?’ Addie pulled the box of bran flakes from the cupboard and tucked it under her arm, before reaching for a bowl and then a spoon from the drawer. She brought everything over to the table.
‘I’m trying to find this cottage on Airbnb,’ Susanna explained. ‘I’m just being nosy and wondering how it’s being advertised.’
‘And…?’ Bran flakes tumbled into her bowl before she added milk from the fridge.
‘And I’m not having much luck. No matter what search parameters I put in, I still can’t find it.’ Addie didn’t seem all that interested, so she closed down her laptop.
‘Where’s Aunt Gayle? Is she at work?’ Milk dribbled from Addie’s spoon and splashed a few drops onto the table.
‘I assume so. Did she mention the living funeral again last night after I left the table?’
‘She told me about the colour scheme and the guest list and how she’s drawn up a schedule to ensure it all goes smoothly.’
‘So she didn’t ask us whether we are going?’
Addie shook her head. ‘I think she’s probably too scared to.’
‘I doubt that.’
Addie began to smile. ‘You know, you and she are quite alike.’
‘Really?’
‘You’re both determined, a little bit on the bossy side, and you’re both headstrong too, just like Dad must have been with his café business until he lost it.’
Susanna sighed. ‘Maybe he didn’t fight hard enough to keep it.’
Addie bristled. ‘I don’t remember it, obviously, but by the sounds of it he did everything he could.’
‘Sorry, I’m just ratty. I need to get outside for a bit.’
Clearly Addie hadn’t finished. ‘Dad told me he had to let the café go because he couldn’t afford to run it. We talked about it. I remember even though I was really young – it stuck in my head how sad he seemed. You never gave him the benefit of the doubt.’
‘He was our dad and I loved him, Addie. We both did.’ She changed the topic. ‘So, are we going?’
‘Going where?’
‘To the living funeral.’
Addie put down her spoon. ‘I think we should. And I think I want to.’ She hesitated. ‘How about you?’
If Addie wanted to go, she didn’t want to let her sister down. ‘I still can’t quite get my head around the idea, but I’ll try.’
They left it at that, and Susanna headed out, closing the door to the cottage behind her.
As she walked, she thought about the different way she and her sister viewed the island and their time here. She thought about their difference of opinion when it came to their dad too.
Over the years she’d been tempted to tell Addie the truth about their dad more than once, but she’d always held back so she didn’t cause her younger sister any more pain.
And Harry hadn’t been a terrible dad. Far from it – he just wasn’t perfect.
Nobody was. Least of all her with her marriage possibly in trouble and her thoughts about another man that had risen to the surface ever since she came back here.
She made her way along the coastal path and as she caught sight of the stunning view her phone pinged, bringing her back to reality and away from the refreshing autumn breeze.
It was Alex, returning her text from this morning. By the time he’d answered her call last night she was already tucked up in bed, so he’d sent her a text rather than phoning and in the message, he’d apologised for being so busy.
She texted him back, said she’d call tomorrow as he had mentioned he was heading into the practice early this morning.
She wondered, was it another excuse? Was he putting off talking to her?
She wished he would just tell her what was going on, she wished they’d have a massive row, and the truth would come out.
At least then she’d know what she was dealing with.
She looked out across the sea, but it wasn’t long before her feet took her down the steps all the way to the street, where she turned left and made her way towards the marina and the harbour beyond.
She knew there was a high chance of seeing Mateo, and it took only moments to spot him.
She hoped it wouldn’t look like she’d gone down there on purpose, but they had a history and after the way things had ended she wanted to at least make peace.
That way, if they were staying for the living funeral, there would be no awkwardness, nothing left unsaid.
Mateo jumped down from the edge of a boat, turned back to rest a tool on its body, and came over. His once shaggy mop of dirty blond hair was mostly grey now, and his skin showed more weathered creases from the harsh sunlight he was so often under out on the water.
‘It’s good to see you again,’ he said, squinting against the sun until he pulled his sunglasses down over his eyes. His smile hadn’t changed one bit.
‘You too.’ But she wished she couldn’t remember how good it had felt to be in his arms, she wished he’d lost any appeal, that he’d stacked on the weight or something – anything to make him completely unattractive.
But his physical fitness and muscular forearms – as well as the way he looked at her like she was the only person who mattered – were just as alluring as they’d always been.
‘Where are you off to?’ He pulled out a rag from his back pocket and wiped some grease from his fingers.
‘I’m having a wander, that’s all. We’ve been sorting out boxes from the attic, and it’s a big job.’
‘Always is. Attics are where you lob everything you don’t know what to do with.’
She tugged her hair behind both ears, but it didn’t stay put – the wind had other ideas and blew it right back again. ‘We’re really going through our dad’s stuff rather than our own old memories.’
‘Your dad’s stuff?’
‘I know, it’s been up there a while.’
His gaze flitted over to a colleague and he held up one hand, fingers spread out to indicate he’d be five minutes. ‘I thought you and your sister would’ve had everything sent to the mainland a long time ago.’
‘That’s probably what we should’ve done. I expected Gayle to send them, to be honest, have a clear out.’ When he hesitated, she asked, ‘What was that look for?’
‘There was no look.’
She smiled. ‘There was definitely a look.’
‘She missed you, you know.’
‘I thought she’d be glad to get her freedom back.’
‘If you really believed that I don’t think you’d be here in the first place.’
His words stung because he was right. And it was a reminder that this had never been black and white.
It had never been all Gayle’s fault, even though as a teenager that was exactly how she’d seen it.
All that time she’d blamed Gayle for everything, and it was only after she left that she realised some of it had been her fault.
‘Tell me something,’ he said.
‘Okay.’
‘Does it feel good to be back here?’
She took her time answering, but with a small smile that came naturally she said, ‘It feels better than I thought it would.’
He leaned against the bow of the boat. ‘You always did appreciate the hidden parts of the island.’
It was a long time since anyone had made her blush, but she felt her cheeks colour now. Coyly, she looked down at her feet and went back to what he’d said about their aunt. ‘Did Gayle actually tell you that she missed us?’
‘Not in those exact words, but she’d drop your names into conversation.
Often. She’d share things. She told me you were training as a solicitor, she told me Addie had graduated, when Addie had a kid, when you got married.
’ The word married hovered in the air between them.
‘Sometimes I’d go up to the Sweet Life Café and she’d be standing on the balcony, looking into the distance.
I always wondered whether she was thinking about you both. ’
They carried on chatting about the island, what had changed and what was exactly the same, including the owners of the marina and his job, as well as some of the shops on Bay Street.
All the while they talked, Alex kept popping into her mind.
He knew all about Mateo. Not long after she and Alex met, conversation had turned to first loves.
She’d told Alex how she and Mateo had been inseparable for a while, how the only reason they split up was because her aunt had interfered.
As she and Alex became more serious, he’d brought Mateo up once more and asked if she thought they’d still be together had she stayed on the island.
Her only answer had been that she’d left that world behind and she’d fallen head over heels with somebody else. Him.
Mateo waved over to a guy on the deck of a big white boat that looked more expensive than some houses. ‘Duty calls,’ he said. ‘I should get on.’