Chapter 24 #2
She felt her shoulders sag a little because her son, her most precious thing in the world, was safe with his grandparents. ‘It’s not Isaac.’
‘Then what?’
‘It’s Dad…’
‘Dad?’
‘Louisa.’
Susanna’s brow furrowed. ‘What about Louisa?’
‘I think her dad… is our dad.’ Her voice caught. She shook her head. ‘He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do that to Mum or to us. She must be lying. She must be here to take advantage—’
‘Do you think Gayle could be fooled so easily?’ Susanna said softly.
It sounded crazy, even to her own ears. But what other explanation was there?
Susanna’s hand came out across the table and held on to Addie’s firmly. But what was missing was rage that their dad could do such a thing, any protest her sister was usually so good at when it came to Harry Rafferty.
And that was when she realised.
Slowly Addie pulled her hand away. ‘You knew?’
‘I didn’t know who Louisa was, no.’ She reached for Addie’s hand again, her grip firm enough to plead for her to stay there.
‘Yesterday, I found something in the attic. It was a letter. From Lily, Louisa’s mother.
I was going to talk to you about it after this gathering today, I promise you.
’ She grasped for the right words. ‘Addie, I wanted to protect you just a moment longer. I didn’t want you taking that burden to the living funeral, not when there’s a sense of peace with Aunt Gayle, for the both of us. ’
‘But she kept it from us. She’s known all this time. Why aren’t you furious?’
‘I was, last night. I’ve calmed down a bit since then, and given Aunt Gayle and I have clashed so spectacularly in the past I felt I needed to wait before confronting her. Today, this event, it wasn’t the time to do it. But we will.’
This sounded nothing like her sister, the sister who could never ignore something so huge. Her usual reaction would’ve been to demand the truth, immediately. She had never been one to sit back and wait patiently, for anything!
Addie snatched her hand away. ‘I don’t believe you,’ she said without breaking eye contact.
‘I don’t believe you only found out yesterday.
’ The pieces in her mind were beginning to find their way to each other.
‘It all makes sense now, why you rarely want to talk about Dad, and when we do you don’t have many good things to say about him. You knew about Louisa all along.’
‘I promise you, I didn’t.’ Susanna gulped and looked away, a sure sign she was gearing up to say more. ‘But…’ She held out her hand and Addie took it after a pause, like they were those two young Rafferty girls who first came to the island.
Susanna led her outside and they walked to the end of the path, turned left and went past the trees so they wouldn’t be seen from the café should Aunt Gayle look outside to see where they’d got to.
Susanna’s voice shook as she said, ‘You’re right, in a way, I did know something before yesterday. I knew about Dad’s affair. But I didn’t know it resulted in Louisa.’
Addie felt the ground fall away from beneath her. Her wonderful dad. He wouldn’t do that to their mum, no way in the world. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I didn’t want to hurt you, Addie.’
‘But I deserved to know!’
Susanna nodded. ‘You’re right. And now I’ll tell you everything.’
‘There’s more?’ Addie asked. ‘How could there possibly be anything else?’
‘The day Mum died was the day she and dad had the big argument, and I heard about the affair.’ She waited. ‘That day, Mum was angry, upset, and she walked out of the house, got into the car, and never came back.’
‘That was the day of the accident.’ Addie tried to take it all in.
‘For years I blamed Dad,’ said Susanna. ‘I told myself that if he hadn’t had the affair, if they hadn’t argued, Mum would still be alive.’
Addie didn’t know how to process it all. It was too much. Her dad, an affair, her parents’ argument, her mother’s death, Louisa.
Voice wobbly, tears flowing, she said, ‘But Mum and Dad never argued.’
Susanna looked down at the ground, at her polished black boots against the patchy grass near one of the tree’s visible roots.
‘They argued a lot in the year leading up to the day Mum died. You were so young. I always tried to protect you from it, hide it from you however I could. Sometimes I’d go into your bedroom, close the door and make up a loud game or put music on, or other times I’d make sure we were in the garden so we wouldn’t overhear what they were saying to each other. ’
Addie felt her whole body stiffen. ‘What did they argue about? Tell me, I’m not a kid any more.
You don’t need to hide things from me. You shouldn’t!
’ She couldn’t imagine her parents arguing.
But she’d been so little before they lost their mum.
Had her rose-coloured little-girl glasses stopped her from seeing what really went on? ‘Susanna, please… I need to know.’
‘Mostly it was about money, the demands of the café. The only different argument I remember was the one that day, about the affair with a woman called Lily.’
‘Was Dad in love with this woman?’
‘No, he said it was over. He told Mum he loved her.’
Addie slumped against the tree trunk. ‘You never told me the truth, in all these years.’
‘Believe me, I thought about it, but I knew what it would do to you. You idolised Dad, you missed him so much. You missed Mum too and you couldn’t even remember much about her.
I gave you as many memories as I could, but that one?
’ She shook her head. ‘Why would I torture my sister with thoughts that take up too much room in my head, thoughts that have haunted me for far too long?’
Addie realised something else. ‘That’s what you fought about.’
‘Who?’
‘You and Dad. When we were going through his boxes, you found Mum’s bracelet with the tiny blue flowers and you said that you and Dad had argued.’
‘Yes. I thought he’d given it to her… to Lily.’
‘I knew there was more to it. You denied it!’
‘Addie—’
‘No! No more.’ Addie began to cry, and she felt her sister’s arms around her, but she pushed her away. She turned. She ducked beneath the low-hanging branches of the tree. And she ran.
She ran down the street. When she reached the point where she’d got tangled in the kite’s strings, she headed for the pathway beyond that would take her all the way round the island. And she kept on running.
She didn’t stop at the first bench, nor the second; she only stopped when she had no more energy left.
She stood, got her breath back, looked out at the vastness of the ocean.
It wasn’t long before she began to feel the cold. She needed comfort. She had to hear her son’s voice.
She took her phone from her cardigan pocket and, hands shaking, she made the call.
‘Hello, love,’ said Jarrett when he answered, only briefly getting a word in before Maurie was on the line.
‘Addie, what’s happened? Are you okay?’ Maurie asked.
‘I’m fine, I promise. I just wanted to say hello to Isaac, ask him if he had a good time with his dad today.’ She got up, moved around, jumped a little on the spot to keep herself warm.
Maurie hesitated. ‘I knew you’d be worried, but he’s safe and sound. He’s fallen asleep on the sofa. They played a lot of football. I can wake him up?’
‘No, no, don’t do that.’ She wanted to hear his voice, but knowing he’d had a good time with his dad was suddenly enough. ‘How long is Jonty staying with you?’
A pause.
‘Maurie. Are you still there?’
‘I’m still here.’ But her voice juddered.
‘Maurie, are you upset?’
After a pause Maurie sniffed. ‘He’s never going to change. I thought… We thought… After the good day they’d had that Jonty might realise what a fine young boy he has. We thought he’d finally realise he still has time to be a proper father to Isaac.’
Addie could’ve told them they were dreaming, but she suspected if Jonty was her son she would be hoping for the best outcome too. ‘Has Jonty left already?’ she asked delicately, putting her own troubles aside for the minute.
‘As soon as they finished at the park.’
Addie’s heart sank. He’d not even managed to spend time with his parents after the visit. What was wrong with that man? ‘I’m sorry, Maurie.’
‘It is what it is.’
‘But Isaac was all right when Jonty left?’
‘You know, I was more sad than Isaac was. He took it in his stride, as if it was perfectly normal. He might not always feel that way if and when his daddy dips in and out of his life, but whatever you’ve done for that boy, Addie, you’ve made him resilient, and he doesn’t doubt everyone else’s love for him even though his dad is useless. ’
‘I’m so sorry, Maurie. It must be hard for you.’
‘It is, but we’re tough. We’re fine.’
‘Jonty has always done his own thing.’ It was the politest way to describe him. Talking about him with Maurie and Jarrett was always a balancing act between getting her point across and not totally alienating them by criticising their son.
‘We worry.’
‘About Jonty?’ Addie asked.
There was a longer pause before Maurie told her, ‘We worry that without Jonty making an appearance, you and Isaac will move on, we’ll lose touch.’
‘Oh, Maurie, that will never happen. I can promise you that.’
‘Really?’
‘Really. You two are our family. Isaac and I love you to bits.’ She let Maurie have a few tears down the line.
‘Isaac and I would be stuck without the pair of you. You always step in, no question, and you’ve well and truly earned your grandparent stripes.
I would never take Isaac out of your lives, and he would never want me to either. ’
As she paced to stay warm, she looked out at the sea, at the moonlight casting a glow across the surface of the water, a sense of calm descending even when she shivered again.
She was glad she’d called, not just for her own benefit, but for Maurie’s.
She hated that Isaac’s grandparents had been having these doubts about their place in her and Isaac’s lives.
‘Isaac has been asking to see Anchor Island, you know,’ Maurie told her. ‘What’s it like?’
‘A lot more beautiful than I remembered. And it’s half term soon so I was thinking he could see it then.’
‘Right,’ said Maurie who frequently had him during the school holidays. ‘Well, that will be nice.’
‘Maurie, there’s something I need from you and Jarrett.’
‘Anything, love. Just say the word.’
‘I want you and Jarrett to come to the island too.’
Maurie’s voice wobbled. ‘Really?’
‘Yes. I’m sure Isaac would be thrilled if you two came, and so would I. You could see the place for yourselves, have a bit of a break – even head over to Guernsey or Sark like me and Susanna did. And I’d love for you to meet my Aunt Gayle.’
‘Oh, Addie, I would love nothing more.’
Addie wrapped up the phone call as she made her way back along the track in the direction of Bay Street and the Sweet Life Café. It was time to face the truth and get some answers from Aunt Gayle about Louisa, the younger sister she’d never known about, but who was right here.
Harry Rafferty had done a terrible thing, but unlike Jonty, he’d been there for his daughters. She couldn’t hate him for the one thing he did wrong and already she knew she couldn’t blame Louisa.
Neither she, nor Susanna, nor Louisa, had had any control over Harry Rafferty’s behaviour. But it was time for Susanna to stop trying to protect her. She was a grown up, and her sister had to remember that she could deal with things and had her own life to lead.