Chapter 30
SUSANNA
Susanna was at the cottage, getting everything ready for Gayle’s homecoming.
Gayle was finally being released from hospital and she wanted everything to be perfect.
She’d dusted Gayle’s bedroom, vacuumed and cleaned the bathroom.
A fresh arrangement of pink gladioli, sunflowers and cerise roses had been placed in a vase on the kitchen table and a smaller vase – this one containing white spray chrysanthemums – was on Gayle’s bedside table.
She looked out of the kitchen window. It was early October already and autumn was on its way. Soon the tree at the front of the cottage garden and the trees dotted along Bay Street would shed their leaves, leaving a crunch underfoot, and the island would take on a whole new personality.
She turned her attentions to preparing the vegetables to go with the almost-cooked chicken casserole. Once the timer beeped she’d give it another forty minutes or so to rest and let the flavours really develop.
Now all that was missing was Gayle, and when she heard a noise at the front door she almost skipped to open up and welcome their aunt over the threshold. It wasn’t lost on her how many years she could’ve been like this and hadn’t. But it was no use constantly regretting the past.
She pulled open the door and froze in shock. ‘Alex?’
He didn’t step closer, he didn’t beam a smile – he looked so uncertain, but Susanna wasn’t.
She stepped towards him and enveloped him in a tight hug. Since the day she’d told him about the near kiss with Mateo, and after he’d overheard Mateo with her on the boat, she hadn’t been able to get hold of her husband. She’d been texting, calling, but every attempt went unanswered.
She inhaled the familiar scent of the Paco Rabanne aftershave she’d bought him last Christmas, the warmth of his skin, the feel of his firm body beneath his clothes. ‘I’m so pleased to see you.’
‘Susanna…’
‘There’s nothing between me and Mateo, I promise.’ She was still holding on to him. She never wanted to let go.
His chest rose on a breath, a sign he was contemplating the right words to use. ‘You almost kissed him,’ he said as he pulled away. ‘And then when I called… you were with him.’
She stared at her husband. He looked so crushed.
‘Alex, the near kiss was a mistake, a horrible, silly mistake. And there’s a reason I was with him when you called me back.
I’ll tell you all about it, but first I need some answers from you.
’ She stood back and waited for him to step inside.
When she closed the door behind him, she said, ‘You’ve been distant for a while.
Something is going on, and you refuse to tell me. ’
When he said nothing, she folded her arms across her body, ready to feel the brute force of a confession when she asked, ‘Are you having an affair?’
‘Am I what?’
‘Are you having an affair?’ she repeated. Maybe he was stalling, grasping for the words he could utter that might get himself out of this.
‘Whatever gave you that idea?’
‘Well, are you?’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘I found a receipt. I wasn’t snooping – I was in your study trying to find the number for the window cleaner and I saw it. It was from that little Italian restaurant where we celebrated our anniversary.’
He let out a deep sigh. ‘You’re right, I went there.’
‘Who with?’
He shook his head. ‘It’s not what you think.’
When the oven timer pinged she went into the kitchen and turned the oven off. The meal could stay in there until it was time to eat.
He’d followed her and sat down at a chair at the table.
She sat opposite. ‘Wait, did you only turn up here because you thought I was cheating on you?’ she asked, piecing it together. ‘Because I’m not. I promise.’
‘Hearing about the almost kiss and knowing you were with Mateo did instigate my visit.’ He looked at her now. ‘But not because I’m angry and wanted to have it out with you. It made me realise how long overdue our talk is, that I should’ve confided in you before now.’
Oh God. He was having an affair.
‘I promise you I’m not cheating,’ he said.
And then something else dawned. Something far worse. ‘Are you sick?’ Gayle’s upcoming return had probably triggered the thought. Had she totally missed the mark with her suspicions?
‘No, I’m not sick.’
‘Then what is it?’
Instead of answering, he looked around. ‘Where is everyone?’
She explained the dash to the hospital, the emergency and the stay in Guernsey. ‘I tried to call you back a couple of times to tell you everything. Gayle was taken by marine ambulance. They couldn’t accommodate any extra passengers so Mateo stepped in and took us.’
‘So that’s why I heard Mateo in the background.’ He looked so relieved she could’ve wept.
‘We wouldn’t have been able to get to the hospital without him.’
He held out a hand and waited for her to take it. ‘When I thought you were with Mateo, I panicked. I thought I was going to lose you.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I’ve not been myself for a while, I know that, and I’ve pushed you away every time you tried to get to the bottom of it.’
So he had noticed.
‘I haven’t been entirely honest with you,’ he said. ‘It’s the practice.’
‘What’s happened?’
He looked her right in the eye when he confessed, ‘It isn’t doing well at all.
It’s in trouble financially.’ His expression negated any need to ask whether it was really that bad.
‘That’s what the fancy dinner was about.
I took a potential investor out and tried to woo them. With no success, unfortunately.’
‘Why did you never mention it? Not just the dinner, but any of it.’
‘I didn’t know how to. We were both doing so well and then all of a sudden, I wasn’t.
I kept it hidden out of pride, because I thought I could fix it.
I knew your dad had lost his café, and whenever you talk about that time in your life I can tell how sad it makes you.
I didn’t want my practice to go the same way.
You always wanted to help and fix Addie.
I didn’t want you to feel you had to do it with me too. ’
‘I never felt I had to with you. You’re my equal, in every way.’
‘I just wanted to be the one who made life easier for you, never the other way round.’
He rested his arms on his legs, palms clasped together at his knees.
‘The practice has seen a reduction in the volume of patients coming through its doors – the cost of living probably has a lot to do with it. Patients who liked a check-up and clean every six months are pushing it to twelve or more, and there’s much less uptake on non-essential procedures.
At the same time our costs have increased – utility bills are high, equipment prices have been hiked up, and maintenance is costing more than it ever did.
Our inventory system wasn’t as efficient as I assumed either – there’s been wastage, pushing up our expenses. ’
He shifted his gaze from her face to his hands. ‘I’ve let you down.’
‘No, you haven’t.’ She’d let him down by not trusting him and by almost seeking comfort with someone else.
‘I think I’m going to have to sell the practice,’ he said. He looked so despondent.
‘Is it that bad?’
‘It is. And that’s another reason why I didn’t want to tell you. I wanted to find a way out of the mess, but nothing I’ve tried has worked.’
‘Alex, I’m in property law, not family law, but I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to be a team. I wish you’d shared this before now.’
‘I wish I had too.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m sorry. It’s all such a big mess.’
She moved to sit in his lap and wrapped her arms around him. She’d missed this closeness more than she realised.
‘It’s my work,’ he said. ‘It’s my job to sort it out.
I wanted to give you a good life, and here I am messing it up.
We talked about converting the loft, but we don’t have the money.
We discussed holidaying next year, but we can’t afford that either, and we definitely don’t have the funds for the driveway that needs repaving. ’
‘None of that is the end of the world.’
‘I thought you’d be disappointed. You love our house.’
‘I do, but I love you more.’ She rested her forehead against his.
‘Let’s just say I feel like I’ve got a whole new perspective on priorities since I came here.
I don’t need new things in the house, I don’t need a big expensive holiday.
Addie and I had a few inexpensive days away and it was one of the best breaks I’ve had. ’
He put a hand to her cheek. ‘What happened to you?’
‘This island,’ she said. It had happened to her when she was fourteen and it was happening to her again, except this time it brought with it the ability to see the important things and finally find a sense of peace in letting go of the past.
As they chatted and Alex held her on his lap, refusing to let her even get up and make a coffee, she told him more about the island.
‘You never told me whether those bands worked on the crossing over here,’ he said.
‘The travel bands you gave me? Well, I wasn’t sick so yes, I think they did. Thank you.’ She hugged him. It felt so good to have him by her side, so close, after all this time.
‘I can’t believe you never brought me here,’ he said, looking out of the window as if it gave him a view of the whole island. ‘I’ve not seen much of it, but the walk from the harbour was spectacular. The views are incredible.’
‘I can’t wait to show you more. How long are you staying?’
‘I’m afraid it’ll be a quick turnaround. I’m going back in the morning.’
‘So soon?’
‘I need to. I have a meeting with a financial advisor to see if there’s anything else I can do. Then I’ll take it from there.’
She understood. If the practice was in trouble, he had to be at the helm. ‘But you’ll stay tonight?’
Before he had a chance to answer they heard the front door open and Addie’s voice call out, ‘We’re home!’
Susanna leapt from Alex’s lap and raced to greet them, hugging her aunt as she crossed the threshold.
Addie squealed when she saw Alex appear in the hallway.
Gayle, still beside Susanna, whispered, ‘That’s your Alex?’
‘It is,’ she said quietly, before introducing him to her aunt and Louisa, who she named as the third Rafferty girl. Quite rightly he looked confused, but he took it in his stride. She’d have to explain that part of the drama to him later.
‘And?’ Gayle whispered to Susanna when Addie had dragged Alex and Louisa into the kitchen with a yell that she was making teas and coffees.
‘Gayle, I really think you should be sitting down. You’ve just come out of hospital.’
‘Not until you tell me how it’s going with Alex.’
Susanna hugged her aunt and said softly into her ear, ‘Alex and I are going to be okay.’
‘Then that’s all I need to know.’ And she smiled right back at her niece.
‘Is it all right if he stays the night before he has to head off?’
‘Of course.’ She strode towards the kitchen calling over her shoulder, ‘I have a set of earplugs.’
Susanna felt herself colour. She couldn’t wait to be in Alex’s arms tonight, to feel safe, to take on whatever life threw at them next. Together.
She’d never felt quite as much warmth in this cottage as she did right now.