Chapter Thirty-Seven Elsie
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Elsie
Elsie clutched the guitar like a security blanket while doctors and nurses swarmed around Ace. Assessing. Coming faster than buckshot. Pop, pop, popping. Each one stung.
“I’ve got a pulse.”
“Bring in a stretcher.”
“Sir, can you hear me?”
“He’s not responding.”
Her heart hammered so hard and fast her ribs hurt. The carpet scratched her legs as she cowered in the corner. All those people in scrubs and lab coats blocked most of her grandfather from sight, except for his feet in slippers and one of his arms hanging limply. His fingers were turning blue.
She sucked in drags of air so fast she went lightheaded from hyperventilating. As if she could somehow compensate for his damaged lungs’ struggle for oxygen.
Her mom and Grammie were comforting each other and Elsie could only manage to keep hugging the stupid guitar. Guilt plagued her. She’d dragged all her stress and troubles here when Ace needed peace and rest.
A gurney rattled into the room, pushed by an aide in cheerful scrubs with palm trees and surfboards. Like some Technicolor waves could erase the sadness waiting for her family here. They lifted Ace onto the stretcher and wheeled him out of the common area, across the hall, and into his room.
The silence afterward was deafening. The couple at the other table had gathered their cards and left without a word, as if somehow the crisis were contagious.
She just wanted her old life back, when her parents were together and she could spend vacations with her grandparents and see the cherry blossoms.
Elsie hugged the guitar harder. “Why didn’t they use those paddles to shock him awake?”
“I’m not sure,” Rosalynn said, her voice soft and afraid. “But he does have a pulse. He’s just unconscious.”
There had to be more they could do. “What if they’re wrong and they didn’t do CPR?”
Lillian gripped the doorframe, her full attention trained on the treatment room in the distance, crowded with medical staff. “He has a DNR.”
“DNR?” Elsie asked.
Rosalynn touched her arm gently, comforting and shushing all at once. “Do not resuscitate.”
“Why would he do that?” Elsie cried. “He can’t leave us, Grammie.”
“He doesn’t want to spend his last days on a ventilator.” Lillian pushed away from the corridor and charged toward the table full of uneaten food. One container at a time, she refilled the bags.
How could she worry about spoiling fried chicken at a time like this? Elsie wanted to stay quiet. To allow Grammie to react in her own way. But somehow words tumbled out of her mouth anyhow, her fear refusing to shut up.
Elsie blurted, “It’s all my fault.”
Rosalynn frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I made Grammie come get me.” Scooting closer to her mom, she set aside her guitar and rested her hands on Rosalynn’s knees. “I brought all my problems with us.”
Rosalynn linked fingers with her as if to anchor her. “What happened to you is not your fault. Do you understand me?”
Lillian looked up from storing the food, her face lined with strain. “What are you talking about?”
“Nothing.” Elsie shook her head so fast her hair slid out of her messy topknot.
Hadn’t she known better than to bring this up now? She should have brought a roll of duct tape for her mouth from the van instead of the guitar, because she definitely needed to work on keeping her thoughts inside.
“Mom,” Rosalynn said, “this isn’t the right time.”
A sad smile flickered across Grammie’s face as her gaze shifted toward Elsie. “There is never a perfect moment for tough discussions. You’ve been hiding what’s going on since the moment you called me.”
So much for duct tape. She couldn’t refuse Grammie now, not when her eyes bored straight into Elsie’s soul.
Elsie drew in a shaky breath that did nothing to ease her dizzy head and queasy stomach. “Some embarrassing photos of me are being texted around school. There are, uh, worse ones taken by people I trusted, and somebody tried to get money out of me not to post them everywhere online.”
Grammie blinked in surprise, her shoulders braced. “Well, once we take care of your grandfather, we’ll make sure those individuals never hurt anyone again.”
More guilt and humiliation heaped on top of her. She felt so very small. “Grammie, can we please talk about something else? Should we ask for an update on Ace? Or pray for him?”
“I’m a multitasker. I’m already praying in my mind. The staff will give us updates when they can, and I don’t want to pull them from Ace’s side while they’re helping him. There’s nothing more important than my family.”
“And I’m your family.” Elsie stood, her arms hanging uselessly. “What can I do for you?”
“Help distract me,” she said.
“I just want to forget it ever happened. Nobody knows who I am up here. It’s not like we’re famous or some kind of public figures . . .”
Her insides iced as she realized . . . “Grammie, if you run for Congress, people will use the pictures against you.” The consequences of her life were so much bigger than she’d ever imagined.
Elsie sank to the ground again and put her head between her knees, gasping for air.
“You could lose your dream because of me. I’m to blame. ”
Grammie knelt beside her, rubbing along her back. “Kiddo, I promise you are not responsible. The blame belongs to whoever took the photos and whoever tried to extort you. Your grandfather’s health problems are not your fault either.”
She wanted to pull herself together. To be strong for everyone else during a tough time instead of falling apart and making everything worse. But the elephant on her chest just settled in deeper.
“Only a loser would let something like this happen to her just to have a boyfriend.”
Rosalynn shook her head. “You’re just a teenager who’s been trying to shoulder a crisis on your own. You’re at an incredibly tough age.”
Another one of those insights about her mom expanded inside her.
Her mother had dealt with so much more as a teen, none of it her fault.
Maybe her mom understood more about her struggle for control than Elsie had given her credit for.
“Mom . . . Grammie . . . I’m sorry. The last thing I want to do is make this about me. ”
Grammie knelt beside her, tucking a strand of Elsie’s hair behind her ear. “You said you regret calling me with your SOS. But if you hadn’t, then you and your mom wouldn’t be here today. Your visit might have come too late. I’m so very glad to have you both with me right now.”
A cry hitched in Elsie’s throat, and she launched into Grammie’s arms, extending a hand for her mother too.
She sank into the familiar circle of family. She took strength from them. For the first time, she hoped maybe she would learn how to give some back too. All the while with staff running in and out of her grandfather’s room, she knew that Grammie was right.
Family was everything. With the frenzied echo of medical staff working to save Ace, Elsie couldn’t escape the single most heartbreaking fact of this trip. Her family would never be the same again.