Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
N umb. That was the best way Estelle could explain how she was feeling. The world was flying by through the window as Crew drove them down the freeway. Her skin was cold, her eyes unseeing, and her hands were so twisted they should be screaming for relief, but there was nothing.
The only thing that seemed to be working properly was her mind. There were so many thoughts and so much guilt weighing her down that she could barely breathe. The biggest thought of all was that if she’d stayed home to take care of her family instead of going to Brielle’s party…her dad wouldn’t be headed to hospital right now.
Her mother had been left with too much. Not only had Estelle walked away, spending her time dancing, laughing and eating cake, but Antony had left as well. Every one of the Harrison children had left their mother with a dying man, and it had been too much.
Estelle’s mother was far too frail to handle something this big. The woman needed a six month nap, not a diseased man to take care of.
A hand grasped hers, pulling her fingers apart, and gently massaging her palm.
“We’re almost there,” Crew said softly.
Funny. Crew had been as solid as a rock. He’d gathered food, called her siblings, offered comfort, and still, Estelle felt nothing. In fact, he was doing all the things she was supposed to have done.
It wasn’t Crew’s responsibility to call the family. It wasn’t his responsibility to pack for extra time at the hospital. It wasn’t Crew’s job to spend his vacation running after a dying man.
Yet here he was.
Estelle let him hold her hand, but she couldn’t find the strength to grip back. She couldn’t find the strength to do anything, even be grateful that he was so willing to help when she was falling apart. Her, the strong one, the oldest sibling, the one who was supposed to save everyone else from heartache. Yet she was drowning in her own guilt.
How would she ever tell her siblings about this? How could she admit to being so weak that she chose stolen evening kisses over their father’s health?
No one would ever be able to forgive her, and then they’d realize just how terrible she was. They’d know that she was a weak mess rather than the helpful, strong sister they thought she was. They’d know that she put pleasure over duty.
She swallowed back bile. How could Crew stand to be around her? She could barely tolerate herself. She was a liar, a fraud, a broken woman. But how did she tell people without losing them all?
“Do you want me to drop you at the door or go park first?” Crew asked as he pulled off the freeway.
“Why don’t you drop me off?” she asked, her voice barely audible. “I’ll find out where they are at the desk and then wait for you.”
He squeezed her hand. “Sounds good. I’m going to leave the food in the car. We can come grab it when and if we need it, alright?”
She nodded again, her tongue feeling just as numb as the rest of her. There really was nothing to say unless she simply wanted to confess everything, but what good would it do? She couldn’t change her decisions now. Her father was here, and Estelle needed to help rather than spend time distracting her family with her own concerns. There would be plenty of time to tell them about her choices later. Right now, their dad needed help, and Estelle wouldn’t fail him again.
Crew navigated the city streets for about fifteen minutes before they made it to the hospital, and he pulled into the emergency room drop off, giving her hand one last squeeze. “Go ahead. I’ll catch up in just a minute.”
Estelle stepped out and walked inside. She probably didn’t even need to confess anything. After this debacle, her whole family would know. They’d see. She wouldn’t have to tell them a thing.
“Can I help you?”
Estelle blinked and forced herself to focus. Self pity could come later. “My father was brought in by ambulance not too long ago.”
“What’s his name?”
Within a few minutes, Estelle was being guided down a long hallway. The bright lights felt odd after the darkness of the car, as if they were trying to create an artificial day. Was it daytime all the time in the hospital? Did they ever allow their patients the rest and peace of sleep?
“Estelle!” Her mother jumped up from a chair in a hallway and rushed over, grasping Estelle in a bone-crushing hug. There was far more strength in her mother’s arms than Estelle would ever have guessed from the look of the older woman.
Emery stepped back. “How was the drive? Where’s Crew?”
“Oh.” Estelle shook her head trying to dislodge the cobwebs blocking her common sense. “I forgot I was supposed to wait for him in the foyer.”
“That’s fine. We’ll take care of it.” Her mother bustled over to the nurse’s station. “My daughter’s boyfriend should be coming into the front desk soon. Can you send him back here, please? His name is Crew Turley. A little over six foot, dark blond hair?”
Estelle still didn’t move. She needed to move. She needed to do something. But why wasn’t her body responding? Or her brain? Or her heart? Her father was in the hospital, possibly for his last moments, and she was just standing here like a stupid statue.
What was wrong with her?
“Let’s sit down,” her mother soothed, taking Estelle’s arm and pulling her to the side. “The doctor’s are with your father, and I don’t know how long it will be until they let us go back inside.”
Estelle sat there for several long moments, noting that her heart wasn’t beating fast and her breathing was slow and even. There really was something wrong with her. She should be crying. Screaming. Demanding to see her father. Rushing to grab Crew and bring him back so she could squeeze the life out of his hand.
“It’s going to be alright,” her mother soothed, rubbing Estelle’s hand between hers.
Estelle snorted.
Her mother didn’t respond to Estelle’s sarcasm, just kept rubbing and murmuring under her breath. Maybe Estelle wasn’t the only delusional one here at the moment.
Heavy footsteps caught her attention, and Estelle looked over to see what appeared to be an avenging angel descending on them.
Crew’s brow was furrowed, and his mouth set in a tight line. His face was flushed, and his tie had been tossed aside somewhere, along with his coat. The tan skin at this throat poked through, and he was currently rolling up the sleeves of his white shirt.
He looked determined, steady, and strong. Basically, he was everything Estelle wasn’t.
She’d never wanted him more yet the normal butterflies in her stomach were just as silent as the rest of her emotions.
“Any news?” he demanded as he stood at the side of their chairs.
“We’re still waiting,” Emery said softly.
Crew nodded and put his hand on Estelle’s shoulder, rubbing lightly. “We’ll get through this,” he reassured the women. “Your other children will be here as soon as they can, Mrs. Harrison, and I’ve got a few supplies in the car if we end up staying here longer than we expected. ”
Estelle’s mother leaned back in her chair, sighing. “I have a feeling it won’t be long.”
Estelle’s head jerked toward her mother. There seemed to be multiple layers to that comment and Estelle wanted to ask about them, but she wasn’t sure she really wanted the answer.
Right now, she would wait. All would be revealed in time…too much would be revealed, in fact. If they lost her father tonight, all her mistakes and flaws would be out in the open for everyone to see. It was over, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Crew didn’t like it. Mr. Harrison’s doctors taking such a long time was bad enough, but Estelle’s stoic demeanor is what had him really worried. She wasn’t reacting to anything. Every word and conversation seemed to be going over her head.
The rest of the siblings had appeared only a few minutes ago, and of course they had come with questions and concerns. Aspen was practically shouting at anything that moved, though it seemed as if even the hospital was afraid to say anything as soon as they noticed her almost full-term pregnancy.
The Harrison’s didn’t need two people in the hospital that night.
For his part, Crew stayed by Estelle’s side, rubbing her upper shoulders and neck, hoping that something would eventually help her snap out of her daze. He’d never seen her like this. He’d seen her tired, worn, and sometimes even falling apart at the seams, but at least she had appeared human. Right now she was behaving like a robot, and it was far from the woman that Crew had fallen in love with.
It had to be the shock. It was the only thing Crew could think of. Estelle was in shock, and so far, she hadn’t been able to recover from it.
“Mrs. Harrison?”
Every head in the group jerked toward the sound. Mrs. Harrison stood on shaky legs, and Crew wrapped his arm around Estelle’s waist when she joined her mother. “There’s more than one of us, but I’m assuming you mean me.”
The doctor frowned at the group, eyeing Antony as he stayed just outside the group in his wheelchair with a scowl. “Are you all family?”
Mrs. Harrison nodded. “My children and their significant others.”
Crew almost smiled at how easily she said that, including him in the group rather than just mentioning spouses. It gave him a little burst of hope since Estelle was barely acknowledging his existence.
The doctor nodded. “Why don’t we take this to an empty room?” He waved behind him.
The group was quiet and solemn as they followed, even Aspen had stopped demanding answers. It seemed as if everyone was holding their breath, more than likely they didn’t want to hear what was coming.
A sharp pain worked its way down Crew’s sternum, as if he were slowly being cut open from the inside out. He’d never lost a parent, and if he did, Crew wasn’t sure he would mourn much. But in the couple of weeks that Crew had known Mr. Harrison, he already liked him better than the parents Crew had had for thirty years.
If the doctor was delivering the news that Crew expected to hear, then this group was about to hit rock bottom. He knew they’d survive. They were too loved to sit low for too long, but from the stories that had been shared and the love Crew had witnessed through the townspeople, Mr. Harrison wouldn’t just be missed, he would truly be mourned.
Crew couldn’t help but wish he could ease the coming pain. Estelle was eventually going to come out of her shock, and it was going to be a painful experience. How could he best help her get through it? Especially since his flight was just over a week away.
“In here will do,” the doctor said, pushing open a side door. He flicked on the light, then waited for everyone to shuffle past him.
Crew let go of his hold on Estelle to wait in the hall while the family went inside. He nodded at Antony, who held onto his scowl and clumsily wheeled himself inside. Things between them were still difficult, but Crew couldn’t bring himself to feel sorry for the harsh words they’d shared. Sometimes a guy needed a kick in the butt to wake up to what was going on around him. It was probably better for Crew to make Antony mad than one of his siblings.
Crew nodded the doctor inside and then followed, standing in front of the door and waiting there. He wanted to go to Estelle, but she had her arms wrapped around her mother, and Aspen and Maeve were huddled close by. Instead, Crew felt like he was standing silent sentinel. He was the disposable one here. He’d wait to hear what they needed him to do.
The doctor cleared his throat, looking slightly uncomfortable, which only made the pain in Crew’s chest ache sharper. This wasn’t going to be good news.
“Mrs. Harrison, I know you’re all aware that your husband has Parkinson’s. In fact…” The man sighed. “I’m sure you’re aware he’s in the last stages of it.”
Tears were pouring down the woman’s cheeks, but she stayed on her own two feet and nodded.
Estelle’s arms tightened noticeably.
“In essence, your husband’s mind is still working, but his body is betraying him. Slowly but surely, things are starting to shut down.” The doctor ran a hand over his head, as if to stall what he had to say next.
“His lungs are giving out,” Mrs. Harrison said softly. It wasn’t a question.
The doctor sighed and nodded. “Yes.”
“How much time do we have?”
Ignoring her question, the doctor bent his head a little, gaining her eye. “We can put him on a ventilator,” he offered. “It will extend his time.”
Mrs. Harrison didn’t even hesitate before shaking her head. “He doesn’t want that. ”
Aspen choked on a sob, and her husband pulled her backward, tucking her into his chest.
“Being aware but unable to function won’t be a good place for him,” Mrs. Harrison said, her voice wobbling at the end. “He said when it was time to let him go, no extreme measures.”
The doctor nodded slowly. “I know. We have that on his charts, but still…if you need?—”
“No.” Mrs. Harrison pinched her lips and shook her head hard. “How long do we have, doctor?”
The man shifted his feet. Crew couldn’t even imagine how hard it was to tell a family something like this. Doctors in hospitals likely saw death every day, but apparently that didn’t make a person immune to its effects. Crew’s chest tightened.
“Likely only a couple of hours.”
The breathing stopped in the room.
“He can breathe now, but his oxygen levels are falling. Looking at his records, this isn’t the first time he’s struggled.”
Mrs. Harrison shook her head. “No. We’ve had a few episodes.”
“I would guess this is the last one.”
Mrs. Harrison nodded, her throat moving as she swallowed hard.
Crew’s eyes went to Estelle, who looked pale enough to collapse, but her body was stiff as a board. How was she holding all this inside? It was going to break her from the inside out.
He mentally sent a prayer heavenward that somehow, someway, he’d be able to help her. His time was limited, but Crew made the promise then and there that he would do everything he could in the next few days to save her as much pain as he could.
“Can we see him?” Mrs. Harrison whispered thickly.
“A few of you at a time,” the doctor said. “This is too many and will likely only cause problems.”
“How many?”
The doctor scratched his chin. “Three. Maybe four.”
“Can we use this room as a home base?” Mrs. Harrison pressed. “Until our time here is done? ”
The doctor grabbed a device out of his pocket, nodding. “I’ll tell the nurses. If we have more emergencies, I can’t guarantee you’ll continue to have access, but for now, we’ll do what we can to direct patients into other rooms.”
“Thank you.” Mrs. Harrison stepped forward and gave an awkward hug to the doctor. “We appreciate your help. I’m going to see my husband now.”
Crew opened the door and stepped aside.
“Are you staying?” Mrs. Harrison whispered as she walked past, her teary eyes meeting his.
“As long as she’ll let me,” Crew whispered back.
Mrs. Harrison patted his arm. “I’m glad you’re here.”