Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
H er fists clenched and unclenched, and Estelle let her head fall back against the hospital wall. She was beginning to wish she had stayed numb. The fire licking under her skin and the hopelessness trying to push its way into her brain was more than she could handle.
“I’m a little softer than that wall.”
Estelle let her eyes fall to Crew. Why was he still here? He could have walked away at any time. This wasn’t his fight.
Crew’s smile was sad, but he simply held out his arms.
For just a split second, Estelle let herself lean in his direction, only to stop cold. No. This was why they were here. Her choice to let go of responsibility and embrace the idea of a future had led to them standing around a hospital room, mourning as their father slowly slipped from this life into the next.
Forcing a soft shake of her head, Estelle squeezed her eyes shut and stayed where she was. She felt his warm presence as it settled on the wall next to her, filling her, heating her and taunting her to give into his strength.
“You don’t have to do this alone,” Crew whispered, his breath so close her hair blew across her face.
Her legs shook. “I’m supposed to be the strong one,” she rasped, her voice breaking with the words.
Crew sighed, and she felt him retreat a little, leaving her the smallest amount of breathing room. Her heart screamed that she was making a mistake. That she needed him. But instead of giving in, she tightened her muscles and forced her body to stay put.
She didn’t need anyone. She couldn’t be weak. She’d already given into that emotion. She’d allowed herself to think of a future, to play with the idea of living even as her father drew closer to death. She’d tried to have both joy and hold up her responsibility and look where it had gotten her.
“You’re welcome to go home.” Estelle almost jumped at her own words. She hadn’t meant to say them, but they’d been churning in her head all evening. As much as she needed to stand on her own two feet, she didn’t want to hurt Crew. He’d been nothing but kind and understanding, much more than a normal man should have to be. He’d come into her life when Estelle was at her worst, and he’d claimed her anyway.
He’d seen beauty when she felt like garbage. He’d seen sainthood when she felt like a failure. He’d been patient when she’d reached the end of her rope. And now he was standing in a hospital room instead of playing with his niece and enjoying his own life.
If anyone was a saint around here, it was Crew and Estelle was grateful, but she also couldn’t give into him again.
“I told you’d I’d be here,” he murmured, though the quiet tones couldn’t hide the hurt in his voice.
Estelle steeled herself further, knowing this conversation had been inevitable. “I realize that,” she said tightly. “But I doubt you imagined it going this far, so I’m releasing you from that promise.”
“And if I don’t want to be released?”
She turned her head to study his face. There was absolutely no sign that he wasn’t telling her the truth. He didn’t want to leave. A tiny flicker of a flame, the barest amount of light, began to shine through the darkness inside of her.
She truly did love this man. But if she loved him, she couldn’t ask him to handle this burden with her. What was the saying? If you love something, let it go? Estelle was sure she had a decent understanding of what the original author had been trying to convey.
She wanted Crew, but she also wanted to save him from this terrible situation. He could go on, live a happy life and forget all the pain and depression that Estelle would be carrying for a long time yet.
Daphne had said he was a knight, and the description was apt. Crew obviously had experience in helping those around him. Maybe another damsel would be a better fit. Maybe even Daphne herself.
“I love you.”
Crew’s eyes shot wide.
“You’ve been my rock through this,” Estelle explained, some of her previous calm coming back as she spoke. Yes…this was the right choice. “But I’m not going to ask you to stay. It wouldn’t be right.”
“Wait a second.” Crew shook his head hard and pushed off the wall, but before he could begin to argue, the door to the room slammed open.
Austin stood in the door, his face hollow. “You better come quick.”
Estelle jerked off the wall and ran past her brother-in-law, not bothering to be quiet as she tore into her father’s room. She barely heard the squeak of Antony’s wheels as he came behind her. The idea that he was moving faster than normal barely brushed her consciousness.
Instead, Estelle’s entire focus was on the man in the bed. When she skidded to a stop beside her crying sisters, she was sure he was already gone. But no…his chest jerked up and down, the movement looking painful as his twisted rib cage shifted to accommodate the labored breath .
Panicked, her eyes darted to the machines. His heart was stuttering. His breath was slow…too slow.
“I love you.”
The words caught her attention, words that Estelle had murmured only a moment ago were now being said through an ocean of tears as her mother bent over the prone form of Estelle’s father.
Emery raised her husband’s hand to her cheek. “Go now, sweetheart. We’ll be alright. I’ll join you when I can, but my work isn’t done.”
A sob broke through, and Estelle felt her chest cave in as her mother began to break down. Her knees bent, and she would have fallen to the floor if strong arms hadn’t wrapped quickly around her waist, holding her upright.
“I’ll watch our grandbabies,” Emery continued, her words barely audible. “I’ll watch our children grow into parents. I know you’ll be watching too. I know you’ll be helping from the other side.”
Aspen’s keening wail was smothered as she turned to let her husband hold her.
Maeve’s eyes were puffy and swollen as she sniffed and wiped frantically at her face. Ethan’s arms were around her, his face stoic but pale.
“Rest now.” Their mother brushed back their father’s hair as another breath jerked his body. “Rest now, my love. Let peace take you.”
The room fell silent when his chest didn’t rise again. Anticipation thickened with each passing moment, choking, drowning, Estelle couldn’t breath. She couldn’t make her chest move when his was so still.
Finally, the heart monitor began to beep, noting that there was nothing left to keep track of and a rush at the door of emergency personnel broke the stillness.
One nurse stayed by the door while the other turned off the monitor and checked over the body. She nodded at Emery. “We’ll give you a few minutes,” she said softly, eyeing the group. “Let us know when you need us.”
Estelle tried to force her legs back into compliance, but they wouldn’t hold her weight. He was gone. He was truly gone. They’d known it was coming, they’d spent months, years, preparing for it, but ultimately, nothing could have prepared her for the mixed sense of nausea, sharp pain, and relief that flooded her body.
Her father was free, but somehow, during this tragedy, Estelle felt as if she, herself, was only in deeper bondage than she had ever been before.
Crew held Estelle tightly against his chest. He could feel her shaking, trembling in his arms, and yet she struggled against him as well. Her knees had given out, but she still wanted to stand. While he wanted to admire her determination, he also wished she would just take him at his word. He’d said he’d be here. He’d said he wouldn’t leave. Couldn’t she believe him when he offered those promises?
The squeak of a wheel caught Crew’s attention, and he looked back to see Antony slowly rolling backward, his face in his hands. The locks on the chair hadn’t been set and slowly, he bumped into a tray table, but the man didn’t even flinch.
Tears, sniffling and muffled sobs rang through the room, and it took Crew a moment to realize that everyone had someone to cry with…except Mrs. Harrison and Antony.
“This way,” Crew whispered in Estelle’s ear. “Come sit for a moment.”
“No, I—” Estelle tried to walk away, but her legs were still too weak and Crew had to grab her again.
“I’m going to take your brother over to your mother,” he explained in low tones. “They need to grieve together. Give me a moment, and I’ll be back for you.”
Estelle looked over her shoulder with wide, misty eyes. Woodenly, her head turned to take in the people Crew had just mentioned. “I…didn’t see…”
Crew shook his head. “It’s fine,” he told her. “You sit for a moment, and I’ll be back.” She let him guide her this time, and her legs crumpled as she sat down. Her hands were limp in her lap, and she slumped against the back of the chair. Before leaving, Crew squatted in front of Estelle. “I’ll be right back, okay?” When she didn’t respond, he tried again. “Estelle? Can you hear me?”
Her eyes finally met his and stayed. “I hear.”
Crew nodded. “Okay.” Standing, he left a quick kiss on her forehead and walked the few steps to Antony’s wheelchair. “Antony,” he said to get his attention.
Antony looked up, an immediate scowl on his face.
“Your mother needs you.”
Antony’s eyes, a similar golden tone to Estelle’s shot across the room, and his hands went to his wheels.
“Let me.” Crew stepped around the chair and slowly wheeled Antony around all the obstacles, waiting for Ethan and Austin to shift their wives and move other pieces out of the way before stopping and locking the chair in place next to Mrs. Harrison.
“Mama?” For the first time since Crew had met him, Antony’s voice sounded soft. Not just in volume, but intonation as well. He reached out, his large hand grasping his mother’s thin elbow.
She turned, her face ashen and her eyes sunken. “Oh my boy.” Mrs. Harrison leaned over and wrapped her arms around her son, finally letting loose the sobs that Crew had expected to hear.
As he started to step away, he gave a small smile when Antony shifted his mother and pulled her into his lap. The frail woman sunk into his chest and shook as her son physically held her together in that moment.
Leaving them to the scant amount of privacy the room permitted, Crew went back to Estelle who looked like she was going to fall face first into the floor.
“Hey, hey, hey,” he whispered, quickly grabbing her shoulders. “I’m here, sweetheart. I’m here.” Taking a cue from Antony, Crew pulled Estelle up, sat down himself and pulled Estelle back into his lap, tucking her securely into his chest.
She burrowed her face against his neck, and Crew felt the warm trickle of tears begin to soak the top of his shirt. He tightened his arms when she began to shake, the picture must have been similar to what the others saw when they looked at Mrs. Harrison and Antony.
Crew shifted his weight slightly and made sure Estelle was secure. He had one job right now, and it wasn’t to respond to her confession back in the waiting room they’d been in.
She loved him.
What a time to learn her feelings. Crew held back the desire to make a frustrated face. She loved him, but she was trying to push him away despite all that. A deep chuckle went through his mind. If Estelle thought something like this would push him away, she didn’t know him just yet.
Crew had survived parents who were more interested in making their tee time than what their children were doing. He’d gone to college and completely defied his parents by choosing pediatric dentistry instead of being a fancy cosmetic specialist his mother would have preferred.
He’d spent years searching for a sister who didn’t want to be found. He’d helped fight his parents in court to keep Layla with Mason. After becoming an adult, he’d figured out how to have friends and had several good ones, including Daphne and a couple others who were far from the ideal his parents had drilled into him. His friends were fun, good people, but none of them had the social influence he was supposed to look for.
In other words, he’d bucked trends and swam upstream with every step he took, and where another guy might be willing to run away when things got tough, Crew wasn’t going to do the same.
If Estelle loved him, then he was willing to wait. He was willing to be there, silently and in the background if necessary, but he’d gotten enough of a glimpse of what they could have together that Crew couldn’t bring himself to let it go.
Yes, he had to leave soon. They’d known that since the beginning, but he wouldn’t stay gone. In fact, he would look into what it would take to sell his business immediately. An office like his might take months to find the right buyer, so it was better to get started now.
Estelle loved him.
He loved her.
They would work this out.
The family needed to grieve. Crew could be the solid one. While he was sad her father was gone, most of his pain came from Estelle’s pain. Crew had barely known Mr. Harrison, though it had been easy to see that he’d been a good man. Crew would take the time to acknowledge that, to mourn what Estelle was going through, but he wasn’t going to walk away.
Going back to California was going to be temporary. There. He’d said it. California, its sunshine, heat and beauty no longer called to Crew the same way it had. It was the broken woman in his arms that needed him most, and Crew was determined to be there to answer the call.
“Crew?” Estelle sniffled, shifting a little.
“Shhh,” he soothing, pressing a quick kiss to the top of her head. “I’ve got you. Just cry, sweetheart. Let it out. It’s okay. You’re safe. You’re not alone. I’m here.”
She settled back into him again with a long, wet sigh.
“I’m here.” He’d make sure of it.