Chapter 20
Saul’s instinct was to leave, sharpish, and he did take a step towards the door. Kazz was still in sight and he could easily call her to come back. But he would have to explain why, and he didn’t want to do that.
Joelle hadn’t noticed him. Her gaze was drifting around the shop, although she didn’t appear to be looking at the books themselves.
That didn’t surprise him – Joelle hadn’t been a reader, and she hadn’t understood why he loved the pastime so much. Which made him question why she was here, if she didn’t want to check out the books.
He took a moment to study her, his heart hammering. His mouth was dry and there was a distinctly unpleasant churning in his stomach. He felt shaky too, and he wished he could sit down.
His ex hadn’t changed, not in any significant way. Her hair was shorter, a spiky blonde cut that showed off her cheekbones and the column of her neck. Her face was slimmer than he remembered, but her eyes and lips were the same.
A middle-aged couple briefly obscured his view and as he shifted position to try to see around them, he locked eyes with the woman who had broken his heart.
Saul froze. He stopped breathing, his heart stuttered and all coherent thought fled.
He continued to stare at her, transfixed. For the life of him, he couldn’t move. Seeing her again had opened a wound he’d hoped had long since healed, and he felt hollowed out and drained.
‘Saul?’ Joelle had a tiny frown line between her eyes. ‘Is that you? It is, isn’t it? Gosh, what are you doing here? You don’t work here, do you?’
He swallowed and tried to find his voice. To his surprise, his reply was calm and controlled, with no hint of the turmoil inside.
‘No, just minding it for—’ He stopped. He had been about to say ‘a friend’ but Kazz was more than that.
Joelle laughed, the noise filling the space between them, vibrating through his mind. She had the same laugh – light, tinkling. Once upon a time, he had lived for that sound, had done anything and everything to hear it.
‘For a second I thought you had given up farming,’ she said, catching her bottom lip between her teeth, her manner bordering on seductive. His eyes were drawn to her mouth; the mouth he had kissed more times than he could count.
He felt nothing.
She didn’t give him time to reflect on the surprising realisation. ‘Come here, let me give you a hug. It’s been so long, Saul.’
Saul didn’t move. He didn’t think he could, but when she threw her arms around him, his own automatically came up to embrace her.
She hugged him tightly for several seconds before releasing him, and when she stepped back, she took hold of his hands. ‘It’s so good to see you again.’
‘Is it?’ His reply was bleak. She had dumped him without a second thought and now she was telling him it was good to see him again? Rigidly, he asked, ‘Is there anything I can help you with today?’
Joelle’s laugh tinkled again. ‘Don’t be like that. You sound like one of those people on a help desk.’
‘Well, is there?’
‘Not really.’
‘Why are you here, Joelle?’
‘For the festival. I thought it would be nice to visit the old place.’
‘ The old place is less than an hour’s drive from Hereford. You could have come back any time.’
‘How do you know I haven’t?’ she countered.
He didn’t, but he assumed that somehow, if she had returned, he would have sensed her presence.
There was a time when he used to be able to do that. He could be in a room full of people, with his back to the door, yet he would know when she entered it.
‘Someone would have mentioned seeing you.’
‘Ah, yes, the Tanglewood gossip mill. It’s still alive and kicking, then? That’s one thing I definitely don’t miss about living here.’
‘What do you miss?’
Her lips twisted into a wry smile. ‘Is there a Mrs Saul and lots of little Sauls running around?’
The question took him aback. ‘No, there isn’t.’
‘I’m surprised. I thought you would have been snapped up by now.’
‘ You didn’t think I was that great a catch.’ His reply was bitter.
Joelle tilted her head to the side and pouted at him. ‘Don’t be like that. We weren’t right for each other, surely you saw that?’
Saul had seen no such thing. He had thought they were perfect together.
‘Anyway, it was such a long time ago. We’ve both moved on since then,’ she added.
She might have; Saul wasn’t as sure. He’d thought he had, but the way he had hardened his heart against love since she’d walked out on him told a different story.
Kazz’s sweet face leapt into his mind, and he inhaled sharply. Maybe his heart hadn’t been as hard as he’d thought, because since he’d met Kazz, it had begun to soften.
‘Yes, we have moved on,’ he said. Joelle more than him. His life was more or less the same as when she’d left. Scrap that. He’d gone backwards now that he had moved back into the farmhouse with his parents. However, Saul had plans to rectify that, by way of obtaining the tenancy on a farm – when he found one that was suitable.
Joelle, on the other hand, appeared to have sped ahead. She had more than moved on, if her outfit was any indication. She looked incredibly well put-together and expensive. He was no fashion aficionado, but he knew designer gear when he saw it. Threads like hers didn’t come cheap.
She said, ‘How’s your mum and dad?’
‘Good.’
‘Leanne?’
‘She’s good.’
‘I saw her on TV. She was in that floristry show… What was it called?’
‘ Budding Stars .’
‘That’s right. It was a shame she didn’t win. I thought she was brilliant. I hear she’s now working for one of the judges, as well as running her own business in Tanglewood. She must be busy.’
‘You hear a lot.’
Joelle shrugged. ‘I like to keep up with the local news.’
‘Your local news is in Hereford. Or don’t you live there anymore?’
‘I still live there.’ She glanced at her watch. It was a Rolex, and he wondered whether he was supposed to be impressed. ‘We should have a proper catch-up. How are you fixed for lunch?’
‘Lunch?’ Saul was dumbfounded. ‘Today?’
‘Well, yes, that was the idea.’
‘I can’t, I’m—’
‘Minding the shop,’ she finished with a smile. ‘Another time, perhaps?’
‘Yeah, another time.’
She took out her phone. ‘Let’s set a date. It would probably be better if you came to Hereford, there’s so much more choice there and, let’s be honest, Tanglewood doesn’t have a great deal to offer. There’s not a restaurant in sight. The twenty-seventh is good for me. Shall we say one o’clock? I’ll message you the name of the restaurant. I take it you haven’t changed your number?’
‘No, I—’
‘Good. The twenty-seventh, at one. I’m looking forward to it.’ She put a hand on his bicep and moved closer to kiss him on the side of his mouth. ‘We’ve got a lot to catch up on.’
‘But I—’
‘You’re looking good, Saul. But then, you always did.’ She raised her eyebrows and her lips twisted into a wry smile. ‘It really is good to see you again. It’s been far too long.’
Her hand lingered on his arm for a moment, then she slowly lowered it and walked towards the door. As she reached it, she gave him a long look, then she was gone, leaving him with an ache in his chest and a head full of confusion.
The Tanglewood Christmas festival had bags of festive atmosphere, but Kazz couldn’t bring herself to be away from the bookshop for long. She had a brief scurry around, absorbing as many sights as she could, noticing with pleasure the queue in Peggy’s Tea Shoppe, pleased for Stevie to see it so busy.
Kazz’s thoughts kept returning to Saul, and she hoped he was getting on OK. He hadn’t phoned her yet, so that was a good sign.
Another reason why she didn’t want to dally was that she would have liked to have had him by her side; it wasn’t the same on her own. So as soon as she’d bought herself some lunch, she threaded her way along the high street back to the bookshop, while munching on a turkey, cranberry and stuffing roll. It was still only half-eaten when she got there and she took a moment to finish it outside, not wanting to waft the smell of her lunch through the shop.
In order for Saul not to think that she was checking up on him, she didn’t stand directly in front of the window, but off to one side. She still had a view of the inside, and she was pleased to see several customers perusing the shelves.
One of them, a well-dressed, attractive woman in her early thirties, was standing near the counter, talking to Saul. She appeared to know him rather well, and Kazz watched in disbelief as the woman moved in for a kiss. It wasn’t a full-on snog, but her lips grazed Saul’s mouth, so it was no maiden-aunt peck on the cheek. And now she was stroking his arm!
Kazz shrank back as the woman headed for the door.
Thankfully, Saul hadn’t noticed her. How could he when he only had eyes for that woman? His gaze followed her as she left the shop and tracked her as she crossed the road.
Who was she? And why was she being so familiar with him? The woman had definitely been flirting – Kazz knew a flirt when she saw one. And Saul hadn’t done anything to discourage it.
A thought occurred to her – one that squeezed her heart uncomfortably.
Was Saul setting this woman up to be his next conquest?
Four dates, five dates… Kazz thought they had moved on from dating and were heading towards a more solid relationship, girlfriend–boyfriend stuff. But had he been planning on dumping her all along, and was even now lining up the next unfortunate woman who thought she had a chance with him?
Kazz had let him into her knickers and now that she had, had he lost interest?
Betty had warned her, but she’d ignored it. More fool her!
Saul was now talking to a man and his daughter. The little girl was hopping from foot to foot, either from boredom or excitement, Kazz couldn’t tell, and she wondered whether she should give him the benefit of the doubt, or whether to ask him outright.
The unfinished turkey roll was still in her hand, and she turned away to find the nearest bin, her eyes scanning the crowd.
There was no sign of the woman who had been in her shop.
Saul’s eyebrows rose as she walked in. ‘You weren’t gone long.’
‘Long enough,’ she said.
‘It’s busy out there, isn’t it?’
‘Have you been busy in here?’
‘Give us a chance! You’ve only been gone ten minutes. I did sell a book on 1950s rail networks, though. The chap was telling me all about the model railway he’s got in his attic.’
‘Did anyone else buy anything? How about the lady who just left?’
‘What lady?’ Both his tone and his expression were blank, but Kazz wasn’t fooled. He knew which lady she meant, she was certain of it.
‘Never mind,’ she said, and walked towards the storeroom to stow her bag and coat, pinpricks of hurt, like little needles, jabbing at her heart.
It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, and she only had herself to blame. She had been warned often enough, but she had been so sure she would be the one to tame him.
The irony was that Saul wasn’t a bad boy as such, in that he wasn’t wild or irresponsible. He seemed perfectly respectable, almost boy-next-door. He was a farmer, for God’s sake. He still lived at home with his mum and dad. His was a far cry from a Lothario lifestyle, and Kazz supposed that was part of his charm – and that she, like the others who had gone before her, had fallen into the trap of believing she stood a chance with him.
When Kazz returned to the shop floor, Saul was chatting to a pair of elderly ladies, and she observed him quietly, noticing how he exuded charm and friendliness. The women were lapping it up. She watched him close the sale, then made her presence known.
‘Thanks for helping out,’ she said. ‘I can take it from here.’
‘Are you sure? I don’t mind staying to help. It’s quite good fun, and it makes a change from sheep. You can’t have a proper conversation with a ewe.’
‘Yeah, I noticed you like to chat.’
‘You have to, don’t you? Customer service and all that.’
Did his customer service involve offering one of those customers an entirely different kind of service, she wondered archly. ‘What did she want, anyway?’
‘Who?’
‘The woman in the white coat.’
There was that carefully blank expression again.
Kazz continued, ‘If I haven’t got the book she wanted, maybe I can track one down.’
‘Oh, her. She didn’t want to buy anything. She popped in to say hello. She used to live in Tanglewood.’
Some of Kazz’s tension eased. So that’s who she was, an ex. ‘Back for the festival, is she?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Staying long?’
‘Just here for the day.’
On hearing that, the rest of her tension dissipated. If the woman wasn’t from around here, she didn’t pose a threat.
Then Kazz immediately hated herself for the thought. She was acting like a jealous harpy, even if it was in her head. Saul had every right to speak to whomever he pleased, ex or not, without being subjected to her version of the Spanish Inquisition. How would she like it if he questioned her about Rossiter? Which reminded her: she wanted to post a Christmas card to Rossiter, and she hadn’t done it yet. She’d already received one from him, and with only two weeks to Christmas, she had better get a move on before she missed the final posting day. Sending a text wasn’t the same.
However, she would have to be satisfied with that and a phone call when it came to her mum. Kazz had missed the last day for posting overseas because she hadn’t known where to post anything. Now that her mum and Vince had an apartment (they were moving in at the end of the week) she could always send them a belated gift.
Her mum had told her that she had popped something in the mail for her, but it hadn’t arrived yet, and Kazz guessed that having arranged for her post to be redirected might cause a delay. It’s not like her mum knew of her relocation yet, and moving to Tanglewood had been such a hurried affair that using a postal redirection service had seemed logical, especially as she was waiting for news about her final salary payment from Freddie. She was owed a month’s wages, and she needed her P45, even if she probably wouldn’t be using it.
‘You’re looking glum,’ Saul said, putting an arm around her. ‘Is everything OK? I didn’t make a boo-boo, did I?’
‘Sorry, just thinking about Christmas.’
He gave her a squeeze. ‘It’s going to be hard for you, with your mum in Spain,’ he sympathised. ‘Don’t you want to take a couple of days off and go join her?’
‘I’d love to, but I can’t afford it.’
The possibility of flying out on Christmas Eve had crossed her mind, but she wanted to open the shop on the twenty-eighth. People may well be in January sales mode and she didn’t want to lose a day’s trade. If she was serious about making a go of the bookshop (and she most definitely was) she had to make the most of each and every day.
‘I could lend you—’ Saul began, but Kazz stopped him.
‘That’s very sweet of you, but I meant I can’t afford the time. ’
‘Ah, I see. What you need is an assistant.’
‘I’ve been thinking the very same thing.’
She stepped away to serve a customer, relieved that her fears about the woman were groundless, and that Saul was acting no differently towards her.
When she returned to his side, she continued the conversation. ‘I’m not going to make any decisions this side of Christmas,’ she said, ‘although I will need another person in the shop going forward. I’ll have a good think about it in the New Year.’
Saul was beaming. ‘Does that mean you’re going to stay in Tanglewood?’
‘I think it does.’ She beamed back.
‘You’ve made my day. How about we go out for a drink next weekend to celebrate? I would suggest this evening, but everywhere will be so crowded.’ A shadow passed across his face but before she could ask him what was wrong, it was gone and he carried on, ‘We could ask Stevie and Nick, and the others.’
‘Better still, how about I cook everyone a meal as a thank you for all their help and support?’
‘What a lovely idea. I’m no cook, but I’ll happily give you a hand.’
‘No need,’ she said. ‘I mightn’t know much about running a bookshop, but I do know how to cook for a crowd.’
‘OK, but if you need anything, ask.’ He captured her gaze and stared intently into her eyes. ‘Anything at all. I’m here for you.’
Kazz had the delicious feeling he wasn’t referring to chopping veg.