CHAPTER TWENTY
ALEXANDRA JONES
ISTARE AT MY BALCNONY DOOR.
Mostly because I don’t want to stare at myself.
I feel this ache in my heart, one that wouldn’t go away. Every comment that left her mouth felt like a punch in my gut, and she said a lot of comments. I should be secure enough to know that everything she said wasn’t true. I know it isn’t true. So why does it hurt? Why did she do that? To put my self-esteem down. I wipe the tears falling down my eyes, they wouldn’t stop!
The shuffling sound of the curtains brings me back to life.
Ares enters and his eyes locks with mine for a moment, his brows furrow as he takes a step closer. His eyes narrow down to my open hand that held blood.
He gives the room a scan, noticing the paint-the brushes, the snow globes and then the bottle of vodka that sat on my bed. Tipped over. Staining my white bed sheets. I sat on the chair, the red lingerie on.
“Butterfly.” He whispers out, stepping closer.
He crouches down in front of me, taking my hands in his.
“What happened?”
I shrug my shoulders, the words unable to come out of my mouth. Because my mind goes back to what Catherine said to me, that Ares and my parents are lying to me. That they are keeping something from me.
I take a deep breath, “what are you hiding from me?”
“What are you talking about?” His brow furrowed, and he seemed taken aback by my question.
“Don’t lie to me!” I raised my voice, unable to contain my emotions any longer. “What are you hiding from me?”
Ares’ jaw tensed, and he slowly stood up, glancing towards the balcony doors before settling on my bed. He seemed lost in thought, grappling with how to respond.
“What did she say?” He asks me, “what did catherine say to you?”
How did he know Catherine even came inside?
How did he know that it was Catherine who opened her mouth?
“Ares. If you lie to me, if you lie to me one more time- you and I, we’re over. We’re done. Because I cannot do this anymore! Stop hiding the truth from me and just speak up!”
He looked torn, as if struggling with whether to tell me or not. “There are things I haven’t told you, Angel, but I haven’t lied to you.” He begins to speak; my leg slowly shakes as he looks me right in the eyes. “Like the story of me and the girl.”
He sighs.
“She’s not dead.” I raise a brow.
“But you told me she was…” I whisper in shock.
“I was head over heels in love with her,” Ares began, his voice carrying a mix of sadness and longing. “She had the purest heart and the kindest attitude. Her smile alone could light up my entire world and being with her made me feel alive.”
His gaze turns distant as he reminisced about the past. “Then one day, I took her out on a date. We were having a good time, completely lost in each other’s company.”
Ares took a deep breath, his voice growing quieter as he continued. “A lot of people were looking for me, and they wanted me dead because I was considered a threat. They knew I cared for her deeply, so they decided to hurt me in the worst way possible.”
“And how is that?”
“They went after her instead.”
He paused, rushing his fingers through his hair. “I was driving, and she was right beside me. For a brief moment, I looked away from the road, just to look into her eyes. It was a mistake I’ll forever regret.”
“Ares...” I whisper, my heart sinking with every word he spoke.
“A car came up out of nowhere, crashing into us,” he recounted, and I felt the weight of his pain in each syllable.
Standing up from the chair, I walk over to him and knelt down in front of him, my hands trembling as I took his in mine.
“What happened to her?” I ask, my voice barely audible, already fearing the answer. “You told me she died.”
“She has a concussion and is suffering from memory loss,” Ares replies, his eyes mirroring the anguish he carried. “She doesn’t remember me.”
As his words sank in, my heart shattered into a million pieces.
He looked at me in such a way.
As if it were I with the concussion...
As if he was trying to make me remember?
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
My eyes slowly shift to the necklace around my neck, before slowly dragging up to the back of his hand. I shake my head, tears threating to spill out of my eyes as I take a deep breath in.
“Please…don’t tell me…”
“Alexandra,” he said, his voice laden with regret.
I slowly stood up, feeling the ground beneath me becoming unsteady. The pieces of the puzzle fit together, revealing a truth I never wanted to face. I walk over to my sketchbook, flicking through the pages before noticing the butterflies all over one.
“Where is she?” I asked, my voice trembling with denial, slowly turning my head to him.
Ares met my gaze, confirming my worst fear.
“No...no, it can’t be,” I mutter. “I would have known!”
“I’m sorry, Alexandra,” Ares said, his own pain evident.
My heart felt like it was breaking all over again, and I took a step back, needing to process everything.
The girl he spoke of, the one who suffered memory loss, was me.
I couldn’t comprehend how my own memories had become so fractured and distant, leaving me in a state of confusion and vulnerability. The tears streamed down my cheeks, blurring my vision as Ares tried to approach me with concern etched on his face. I raised my hand, signalling him to stop.
signalling him to stop.
“Stop! Don’t come near me...” My voice quivered with emotion, and I struggled to compose myself.
“Alex-”
“Get out.”
“Alexandra, please-” Ares pleaded, reaching out for me.
“I said get out! Leave! Now!” I spoke, my heart…it aches, unable to bear the weight of his revelations.
Ares took a step back, his expression heavy with remorse. “I’m sorry, Angel. I never wanted you to find out like this.”
“Just go,” I choke out, my heart torn between wanting him close and needing space to process everything. The moment the balcony doors closed, I crumbled to my knees.
The pain in my chest was suffocating, as if someone were tearing my heart apart piece by piece. I hugged myself tightly, trying to hold the broken fragments together, but it was futile.
The sobs racked my body, escaping from deep within my soul. Each cry was a desperate plea for the memories that were lost, for the love that slipped through my fingers like sand. It felt like I was being torn apart from the inside, my heart torn asunder, and there was nothing I could do to stop the overwhelming grief.
The room around me blurred as my tears fell like raindrops, staining the floor with my pain. I felt so small and helpless, lost in a sea of emotions that threatened to consume me entirely. The weight of the unknown, the void of forgotten memories was unbearable.
With each sob, I felt hollower, as if the essence of who I once was had been taken away, leaving me a shell of my former self. The anguish washed over me in waves, drowning me in a sea of despair.
But all I had was the sound of my own cries echoing through the empty room.