CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
ALEXANDRA JONES
AS I SAT BEHIND THE FRONT DESK OF THE LIbrARY, my fingers moved in a rhythmic dance, silently stamping the due dates on the books that were returned. Maxine, my cheerful co-worker, was busy helping a young girl find her favourite storybook.
The weight of the past week’s truth still clung to me like a heavy cloak, suffocating and numbing my emotions. My heart felt hollow, and I couldn’t shake the feeling of being adrift in a sea of sadness. As Maxine brought in another stack of books, her concern for me evident in her caring eyes, I mustered a weak smile.
“You okay, sugar?” She whispered, gently nudging my arm.
I sigh, trying to find the right words to convey the pain that was gnawing at me from within. “Not really,” I finally admitted, my voice barely audible.
“Heartbreak?” She guessed, her voice soft and empathetic.
I nodded slowly, not trusting my voice to speak the truth. It felt like the mere mention of his name could tear down the walls I had carefully built around my heart.
“I’m so sorry, honey,” she said, her hand resting on mine in a comforting gesture. “If you ever want to talk or need anything, you know I’m here for you, right?”
“Thank you, Maxine,” I whispered, grateful for her understanding and support.
As I continued to stamp the books mechanically, the library’s usual calm and serene atmosphere felt like a distant memory. It was hard to focus on anything else when my heart was in turmoil. A part of me wanted to forget, to push the pain away, but I knew I needed to face it and heal. But maybe just not now. I’m just not ready enough to face him. To face a man who knows me more than I know myself. Why didn’t he just tell me from the beginning? Why didn’t anyone tell me?
“I never want to see him again,” I blurt out, the words escaping before I could even fully comprehend their weight.
I felt my heart pounding loudly in my chest as I caught sight of Ares’ car pulling up outside the library.
Panic surged through me, and I instinctively sought refuge beneath the front desk, hoping to stay hidden from his view. From my vantage point, I could see Maxine greeting him as he entered the library.
“Hi Maxine,” Ares spoke, but his voice sounded different, almost laden with a hint of sorrow.
“Ares, what do you want?” Maxine ask, her tone guarded.
“Is Alexandra here? I need to speak with her.”
“No, she called in sick. You can leave a message,” Maxine lies, clearly protecting my space.
There was a moment of tense silence, and then he asked, “you eat pomegranates now?” Panic surged through me again, realising that I had left the container behind.
“Yes, always have. Now, you can leave a message,” Maxine retorted firmly, seemingly aware of my presence.
I heard a faint sliding sound against the counter, and I could only imagine what he had left for me. “Give this to her… she’ll probably need it,” Ares said, his voice heavy with emotion. “And that if she needs anything…call me and I’ll be there.”
He knew I was hiding from him; I feel tears blur my vision as I tuck my head into my knees.
“Okay, I will. Goodbye,” Maxine responds, and I held my breath as his footsteps retreated and his car drove off.
Maxine shook her head at me with a knowing expression as I tried to steady myself and stand up. Once Ares was out of sight, I finally rose to my feet, and she handed me an envelope that he had left behind.
It is A4-sized, and I could feel my heart racing with anticipation and trepidation.
“How did he look like?” I ask her.
“Like he hasn’t slept for the past week.” She responds, giving me a small smile before heading off to help others. “Don’t forget about the dance next week, raising money for the library.”
I glance down at the envelope.
My butterfly.
Written across it.
I’m sorry.
The words on the envelope pierced through my heart like a dagger. I clutched it tightly.
Throughout my entire shift, the only thing on my mind was what was in the envelope. It wasn’t a small secret, this was big.
I was the girl.
But what if he was lying?
What if this was just a way to manipulate me?
Finishing my shift, I headed off towards the art museum and go to the secret room in the back.
I settle down onto the bench and slowly slide out the envelope from my bag, contemplating if I should open it or not. With trembling fingers, I carefully tore open the envelope and push my hand in to take out the papers.
I slowly open the first one, and it was…my handwriting?
My Dearest Ares, happy birthday!
As I sit here with a pen in hand, my heart overflows with emotions that are difficult to put into words. But I will try my best to express the depth of my feelings for you.
From the very moment we met, there was an inexplicable connection between us. Your dark green eyes captured my soul, and your touch ignited a fire within me that I had never known before. Every day, I find myself drawn to you like a moth to a flame, unable to resist the pull of your presence.
You are the one who taught me what it truly means to love and be loved. With you, I feel safe and cherished, and I know that I can be my true self without fear of judgment. You have seen the parts of me that I keep hidden from the world, and yet, you still love me unconditionally.
In your arms, I have found solace and comfort during the darkest moments of my life. Your love has been a guiding light, leading me out of the shadows and into a world filled with hope and happiness. You have healed the broken pieces of my heart, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
I want you to know that you have my heart completely and unreservedly. I have fallen deeply and irrevocably in love with you.
Alexandra, your Angel.
I cover my mouth to stifle the sobs that threaten to escape my chest, my heart pounding loudly in my ears.
The emotions swirling inside me are too overwhelming to bear. I set the love letter aside, unable to look at it any longer, and unfold the next paper, revealing a breath-taking drawing of Ares. It’s as if his soul was captured on paper, every intricate detail of his features sketched with love and passion. I move on to the next item – a small photograph of Ares lying on my bed, holding onto my foot. It’s evident that I was the one who took this photo, as my leg is the only part visible.
I gently set the photo aside, and my trembling hands reveal another picture, this time of both of us standing next to a rustic cabin, our lips locked in a loving kiss. The happiness in our eyes is palpable, and it’s clear that we were lost in each other’s embrace in that moment.
As I move on to the next photo, my breath catches in my throat. It’s a candid shot of Ares gazing at me while I was absorbed in my drawing. His eyes are filled with such adoration and tenderness that it brings fresh tears to my eyes.
I had a whole life.
I bury myself in my hands, and release everything inside of me.
I had a whole life.
And my parents knew, Catherine knew and yet nobody told me.
I had a head injury a year ago, woke up in the hospital…it all makes sense.
I slowly slide out my phone from my pocket and dial his number.
“Angel...” he answers on the first ring.
“We should talk.” I whisper.