Chapter 13
Lian
The memory of Pepper's kiss was lingering on my lips much more firmly than it had any right to do.
Except that wasn't true. I wanted the kiss.
I'd felt that kiss in every part of me and wanted more of it.
So it had every right to linger. It had every right to be in my thoughts and drive me to distraction.
The problem was that I couldn't let my heart get involved.
Not when it would inevitably end up breaking when Eva and Max moved on from Purple Oak and found their next assignment.
I'd go with them, just like I left home to come with them here.
That was how things went. They were weather witches, in demand and talented in a way that I could only imagine.
I was supposed to be the one travelling with them and making sure that everything ran smoothly for them.
That was what our parents had taught me.
During all the lessons with my uncle about how to use my tea magic, he'd continually stressed to me the importance of serving the twins just like he served our mothers.
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. I loved my cousins more than anyone. They had been my only constant friends our entire lives, and I was sure that would continue long after now. But the thought of not having my own life was starting to feel like a constraint that I could no longer stand.
I tried to rid my mind of those thoughts, but between the kiss and my rejection of Pepper, I couldn't.
I packed up Eva's combs and put them back in her vanity with her beautiful hairpins and delicate accessories. I didn't understand how she could wear so many dangling decorations without it driving her to distraction, but she didn't seem to mind.
There were times when I wished I could wear pieces similar to hers, but whenever I put something like that in my bun, the clattering of the beads always made me irrationally upset. They also always made me feel like an imposter. What was I, a lowly tea witch, thinking by wearing something so fancy?
"Thank you for doing my hair," Eva said, giving me a smile and reminding me that she was in the room. I was so lost in my thoughts that I'd temporarily forgotten.
"Of course," I said, staring at myself in the mirrored surface. When I saw my reflection, I didn't understand what Pepper saw in me.
A knock came from the door, and Max came in before either of us could say something. He was holding his nose and looked frazzled.
"Max, are you all right?" Eva asked, standing up and going towards her twin with concern on her face. "You're bleeding from your nose."
He quickly closed the door. "I walked into a tree. It's nothing. I was distracted."
"Sit down, I'll take care of it," I instructed, already reaching for the pot of tea. This was what my purpose was. What I was needed for. Max was hurt, and I should fix that, not think about distracting cooks with sweet lips and even sweeter words.
"I'm fine. It's just a nosebleed. It'll be over soon."
"Just let me heal it." I gulped down the tea, letting it replenish my magical core. I had already used a fair bit of magic today on Eva, but that didn't matter. Max needed healing now, and taking him to the infirmary would take too long.
Max took Eva's seat at the vanity, and I offered him some cloth to soak up the blood while I channelled the magic to my hands. It was making my arms tingle as if I had been sleeping on them, but I ignored the unpleasant sensation. It was just the price I had to pay for using tea magic.
"What were you distracted by?" Eva asked curiously as she took a seat on the bed.
"Not a what," Max muttered, looking sheepish. "A who."
She laughed. "Don't tell me you walked into a tree because of Hugo Inker again?"
"He's just so handsome and broad, I can't help it. He flusters me." Max made a high-pitched sound. "He winked at me."
Not that long ago, I would've thought Max was exaggerating, but I could see myself running into a tree if Pepper was the one winking or smiling at me, so I really couldn't blame him.
Besides, even if I wasn't into men, even I could admit that Hugo Inker was handsome and broad.
That man had shoulders for days. They didn't do anything for me, but I could see how Max was getting distracted by them.
"I'm going to heal you now," I said once my magic felt like it was thrumming through my veins.
I hummed my song and directed the magic to Max's face to stop the bleeding.
It wasn't a big injury, so it shouldn't be too strenuous to heal.
It didn't matter if it made me a little dizzy, I just needed to drink more tea to revitalise myself. It was really as simple as that.
Max was a good patient, sitting still until I was done.
"All right, you should be all healed," I said, stepping back so that I could pick up my teacup, taking tiny sips so that I could soothe the ringing in my ears and make myself less drained.
Eva came over to examine Max's nose, seeming satisfied with the job that I'd done. "If you've lost blood, we should ask Pepper to make you something rich in iron."
The cup slipped from my hands, smashing on the ground and shattering into pieces. I stared at it, but it didn't fully register what happened until Eva was right in front of me.
"Lian? What happened? Are you all right?" she asked, guiding me away from the broken cup. "You're shaking."
"I am?" I asked, looking down at our hands. Mine were trembling even though Eva was holding them.
"Go sit down," she said, guiding me to her bed.
"The shards," I said, trying to get back up.
"I'll take care of it."
"But it's my job."
She gave me a stern look that she learned from my mother. "Lian Ju Feng, sit down and don't move a muscle. I'll clear it up."
An overwhelming pressure landed on my chest, and tears sprang up in my eyes even if I fought to hold them back. Sometimes it just wasn't possible to keep my emotions under control. "I'm sorry."
Eva left the shards where they were to sit on the bed with me. She wrapped one arm around me. "Don't cry, it's just a cup."
"But I should be the one cleaning it up. It's my job to look after you two, not to make more messes," I cried, horrified by how loud I was sobbing. "I'm just a useless tea witch, so the least I can do is look after you."
"What? You're not a useless tea witch. Why would you say that?" Eva asked in a sharp tone. She looked up at her brother. "Max?"
He came over and knelt in front of me. "Cousin? Why are you saying such awful things about yourself?" There was genuine concern in his voice, I could tell as much even through my emotions.
The tears just kept coming. "Because it's true. I can't become a leech like my useless father. That's what mother says. I must work hard always and serve you two, or you won't want me around."
"That's a vile, horrid thing to say," Eva said, her grip tightening on me.
"Lian, you don't need to do anything for us.
You didn't come with us so that you could work yourself to the bone.
We love you. We want you here because we couldn't imagine living life without you in it. " She smoothed her hand over my hair.
Max nodded, gently patting my knee. "Yes, we're all Ju Fengs. We all look after each other."
For some reason, their support was making me cry even more, and everything weighing on my heart was spilling out.
"I'm scared you won't love me if I'm not useful.
I don't want to be discarded. I also kissed Pepper, and it was really nice, but I told her we shouldn't do it again because what if you get a better offer and we move away soon? "
The twins were silent for good reason. I had just let years of grievances spill in a moment of weakness, except for the Pepper thing. That had only happened this week.
Eva let out a sigh. "Oh, Lian. We're not going to stop loving you. Ever. And we're not planning on moving anytime soon. We like Purple Oak, don't we, Max?"
He nodded. "We do. We also didn't like all the moving we did as children. We want more stability."
"Yes, we're going to be here for a while," Eva said, tears glistening in her eyes too.
"That doesn't mean we might never move again, but you're not obliged to come with us.
You can stay here, or move somewhere without us.
You can do whatever you want because you're the one in control of your life.
It doesn't matter where in the world we are, you'll always be our dear cousin. We love you."
"So much," Max agreed, coming in for a group hug.
"I love you too," I said, crying my eyes out as they smothered me with their embrace.
"If we were back home, I would give Auntie a talking to," Eva said.
Max gave a short laugh. "No, you wouldn't."
"All right, probably not," Eva responded. "But not because I don't think that she's wrong to say what she said. Because she is."
I sniffed. "It wasn't just her," I admitted. "Uncle said something similar. He told me that my job as a tea witch was to keep the two of you healthy and healed so that you could do your jobs without being encumbered by that."
Eva pulled back and stared at me. "Is that why you're always healing us?"
"Well, yes. It's what I'm supposed to do."
"I thought you liked it." Her voice cracked.
"I hate it," I whispered, saying the words that had been on the tip of my tongue for years. "Not helping you, I like that part," I added quickly.
"But the healing?" Max asked.
I nodded while sniffing away some of the tears. "It makes me feel dizzy and depleted."
"Oh, Lian." Eva's voice cracked as she said my name. "Then you shouldn't do it any more."
"But..."
"There's no but," she stopped me before I could get further into my protest. "We live in a village full of tea witches with an infirmary that we can go to day or night."
"But the cost..."
"Is not a problem," Max pointed out. "We don't pay for treatment, everyone who contributes to Purple Oak can use the infirmary."
"I suppose."
"No more healing," Eva said. "And you're going to stop living the life our parents told you to live, and you're going to start living for yourself."
"I don't know what that looks like," I said weakly.
Eva shrugged. "Do any of us?"
"We'll help you figure it out," Max promised.
"Maybe it starts with going to the kitchen and talking to Pepper?" Eva suggested. "Assuming that the kiss was good?"
"It was good."
"Do you want to kiss her again?"
"Yes." It felt good to say the word out loud and admit what I wanted, and even better to have both of them encouraging me.
"Then you should." Eva gave me a reassuring smile, and even though I'd never voiced any of these things before, I knew that she was taking them seriously. And when she said that our parents shouldn't have said it, she believed them.
I was sure it wasn't going to be as easy as just having a life of my own, but maybe Eva and Max were right, and it was time to start properly living life for me.