Chapter 47 - Julian
The entire flight home, I stared out the window. I didn't work, didn't talk to Caleb. I mentally walked through every possible situation I could think of for what I would encounter when I found Lucy. How I would explain, how she would react. What I would do if she wanted to walk away for good.
I can't let that be the outcome. I can't lose her.
The flight and landing went by in a sort of fog-like state.
I remember the seatbelt sign going dark. I remember standing. I remember the sharp, hollow pressure in my chest that hadn't eased since Rowan's voice cut through my bloodstream and detonated everything I thought I could still fix.
She's gone.
The car ride is a blur of streetlights and clenched fists and the sound of my own breathing in my ears. I don't change. I don't stop. I don't sleep. I'm still in the suit I wore when I told my father we were done, creased now, collar loosened, jacket discarded somewhere between fury and resolve.
If I can just see her.
That's the only thought holding me upright.
If I can just see her, I can explain. I can fix it. I can tell her everything I didn't know how to say before.
The treatment facility looms into view, and I'm already moving before the car comes to a full stop.
Theo is pacing just outside the entrance, jaw tight, hands shoved into his pockets like he's one wrong breath away from punching a wall. He looks up when he sees me, expression hardening.
"Don't," he says immediately.
I don't slow down. "Move."
"You're not getting in," he snaps. "I've tried."
"Get out of my way, Theo."
He steps in front of me anyway. Protective in a way that I have never seen from him before.
"You don't get to barrel in here like this," he says. "Not after..."
Caleb appears at my side, a steady presence, hand gripping my arm just long enough to calm me.
"Julian," he says quietly. "Easy."
I shrug him off and head inside.
The lobby is quiet, the kind of quiet that demands respect, that absorbs chaos and spits it back out as consequences. A few heads turn. I'm aware of myself suddenly, the suit, the posture, the storm I'm dragging in with me.
I can see Theo and Caleb walk in behind me, and then I hear Elliot, understanding he and Rowan have joined us now.
I scan the space, looking for anyone who can help me, and then I see her.
Emily.
She's standing near the nurses' station, arms crossed, spine straight, eyes sharp and unyielding. Not angry. Not hysterical.
Just done.
She steps forward before I can say a word.
"You don't get to show up now and demand access like this is one of your boardrooms."
I stop.
"I'm her husband."
The words feel weak the second they leave my mouth.
Emily doesn't blink. "Then you should've acted like one."
I open my mouth. Close it. Try again.
"I need to see her."
"You don't," she says flatly. "You want to."
Caleb shifts beside me. Theo swears under his breath.
A nurse approaches, clearly alerted by the tension, her expression professional but firm.
"Sir, you're causing a disturbance."
"I just need to talk to my wife," I say, forcing my voice down, into something resembling control. "Please. Just ask Lucy to come out."
The nurse looks over the group behind me, then looks to Emily, before clearing her throat and saying, "Ms. Bennett isn't here."
Something ugly and instinctive rises in my chest.
A growl vibrates its way through my chest, "Mrs. North."
Emily exhales sharply, like she's bracing herself.
The nurse hesitates, then shakes her head. "She's not here."
"What do you mean she's not here?" I demand.
Emily steps closer, lowering her voice, but not the weight of it.
"She's gone; Julian and you need to leave."
The room tilts.
Theo stiffens. Caleb's hand tightens on my arm again.
"Gone where?" I ask.
Emily doesn't answer right away. Another nurse approaches us with a stern look on her face. "Emily, you need to take this party outside."
She studies me, really looks at me for the first time since I arrived. Then she nods, seemingly to herself and walks past us outside.
I follow because right now she is my only access to Lucy, and I need to know where my wife is. I need to find her.
Outside, the sun betrays my stormy disposition.
Caleb, Rowan, Theo, and Elliot all stand with me, with Emily standing between us and the facility, looking so much like Lucy that it makes my heart ache.
"Where is she, Emily?"
Her eyes tick across the five of us, finally landing on me.
"She didn't leave because of you," she says finally. "She left because my mom is slowly dying, and Lu refuses to stand still anymore."
The words slice deeper than anything my father ever said to me.
Emily continues, voice steady, relentless.
"She reviewed everything Graham gave her. All of it. She pushed Dr. Teller until he admitted the truth, that they're managing, not fixing. That waiting isn't helping."
My chest tightens.
"There's a specialist," she says. "One of the best. He won't come unless someone makes him. And my sister doesn't wait for permission. When she left, she promised us that she would drag him back here if she had to."
I picture Lucy, exhausted, broken open, still moving forward and something in me fractures.
"She didn't collapse because of you, Julian," Emily says quietly. "She chose to leave."
Lucy didn't fall apart.
She acted.
She doesn't need saving.
She needs to be chosen; she needs to be loved.
Theo drags a hand through his hair. "Jesus, Em. Give him a break. It's not his fault that he's emotionally constipated. It's not like we were ever taught how to do any of this. We didn't exactly grow up with healthy relationship role models."
Emily turns her attention to all of us, eyes sharp, assessing.
"One... Theo, I am Emily to you... and Two... for a group of brilliant billionaires," she says coolly, "you are spectacularly stupid."
Elliot bristles. "Hey..."
"No," she cuts in. "You don't get to interrupt me."
She steps closer to me again, a small ball of fury.
"Do you think Lucy was taught to be the way she is?" she asks. "Because she wasn't. Our dad left when we were young. I barely remember him. Mom worked constantly until she got sick."
Her voice wavers only slightly, then steadies.
"No one taught Lucy how to care the way she does. No one showed her how to put everyone she loves ahead of herself. She chose that. Every single day."
My throat tightens, but Emily doesn't stop.
"She shut the door on every dream she ever had so I could chase mine," Emily continues. "She took your shady-ass deal so I could finish med school. She made sure Mom got the care she needed. And when you blew up your marriage..."
Caleb mutters, "Christ."
"She didn't stop," Emily finishes. "She kept going. She always does."
She folds her arms again, eyes locking on mine. She lets her words settle into all of us.
"Even when Lu gets kicked, even when most people would crawl into bed and call it a day, she somehow finds it in her to keep going.
She wasn't taught that, that is Lucy being lucy.
.. and making the right choices... or making a choice she can stand by, be proud of.
Now me, I have Lucy... I grew up watching her, so I have seen what that kind of care and love and protection looks like. .."
She lets that hang there. Telling me that she will protect Lucy with everything that she has, then she steps closer and somehow manages to stare me down while looking up at me.
"So, tell me, Julian North," she says quietly. "Why should I let you anywhere near my sister?"
The question hangs between us, heavy and absolute.
I don't answer.
I can't.
Because right now, I don't have a defence, only the truth.
And the truth is, I am running out of time to prove I deserve her.
"I will not pretend that I deserve your sister, I will not argue the fact that I am a lucky man to be married to her, or that I screwed it all up.
I need to talk to her, explain. And if she wants to share that with you after Emily, then she can.
But the first person to hear my explanation is your sister. "
Emily studies me for a moment, then gives me a sad sort of smile.
"She's chasing down the specialist with Graham. I am not sure exactly where; they mentioned he could be in a few locations. She will be back when she has convinced him to return with her," she says. "That's all you get."
Then she steps back and walks into the facility, the door closing between us.
And I am left standing on the wrong side of it, finally understanding that loving Lucy Bennett was never the hard part.
Being worthy of her is.