Chapter Twenty-Five
He had turned into a statue. It only took me two steps to be standing close to him again. Zain tried to back up but he was trapped by the wall behind him.
“We can’t,” he said.
“Oh, we very much can. It’s just you and me, all alone in a room with a door that locks.” Maybe if I reminded him of his own words, he would start responding differently.
“I thought you were worried about getting your heart broken,” he said.
“I’m a strong woman. I can take it.”
Something like concern flickered in his gaze and he finally put his hands on my shoulders, moving me toward the window and into the moonlight. “Your eyes.”
Was he about to wax poetic about my eyes? I sighed in anticipation.
“They’re a metallic gray. The color of steel. Why?”
It hurt to think. I put my hands on his chest because I needed to be touching him. “The same thing happens to Lia.”
“The queen of Ilion?”
I nodded and tried to move closer. “Whenever she does magic.”
After a few beats, he asked, “Are you doing magic?”
“Lia said she had a feeling I could do magic too, if I called on my goddess and used one of her aspects. Invara only has the two—fighting and fertility.”
“Should I be running for my life?”
I laughed. “I didn’t invoke her fighting aspect.”
“No, I’m worried that the fertility one means I’m in danger. It makes you a seductress.”
“I don’t need magic to seduce you.”
He shook his head. “Is there a way to stop this power?”
Confusion made my mind feel thick. My desire for him kept growing every second, and if something didn’t happen soon, I was going to burst. “I don’t want to. And I don’t understand. Earlier you said that tonight would be better. We made plans.”
“I’ve had time to think and I changed my mind.”
He had done nothing but pursue me since we met, and now that I was ready for him . . . he didn’t want to?
“You were right,” he said. “I think we should part as friends. This isn’t a good idea.”
My eyebrows furrowed. He had just gone out of his way to win my favor. “Why did you change your mind?”
“Because I decided to do the right thing instead of the selfish one.”
Zain didn’t get to decide that for me. I could make my own choices. Perhaps I needed to remind him of what existed between us.
I tugged at his hands, walking backward. “I know that you’ve fantasized about me. Now here I am. Ready to make all your fantasies come true.”
“You should go to bed, Basileia.”
“I intend to,” I said with a smile. Then I turned and put him on the bed. He sat on the edge but I pushed him so that he was lying flat. I crawled over him and sat on top of him.
“What have you thought about?” I asked. “What have you imagined? This is what I’ve imagined.” I rocked my hips against his and he made a strangled sound. “Something just like this, only with far less clothing.”
He tried to get up but I grabbed his arms and held them against the bed. I bowed my head to kiss him but he turned his face away.
His voice was calm and deadly sounding. “Basileia, let me up. I don’t want to do this.”
A part of me wanted to refuse. To keep going.
“I want you to stop.”
Those words pierced the haze in my head and I realized what I was doing. I was appalled. I was behaving like . . . an Epirian. Trying to steal something that wasn’t being offered.
“Invara Pothos,” I said and scrambled off him. All those amorous feelings immediately fled and I felt ill. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Zain. I never should have . . . I’m so sorry.”
“You were . . . caught up. I understand. It’s fine.” He kept his gaze averted.
A queasy sensation roiled in my stomach and I thought I might actually vomit.
That aspect . . . it was like I had left my body and had only just returned. As if someone else had been in charge of me and the decisions I made. I didn’t like it. Lia and her adelphia had never mentioned this.
“I’m going to bed,” he said. He pulled his blanket over himself and turned away from me. I got into my cot, careful not to dislodge Dagger.
How could I apologize? How could I ever make this right? It could have been so much worse if I hadn’t been able to regain control from that aspect . . .
I had hurt someone that I cared about.
“Zain, I’m sorry.”
He didn’t respond.
How could I have thought that aspect would be the less dangerous of the two?
I was never calling on Invara’s magic again.
It took me hours to fall asleep. I was so disgusted with myself and my actions and riddled with guilt that I couldn’t keep from running our entire encounter through my mind over and over again and wishing that I could do things differently.
My one hope was that he and I would be able to talk this out in the morning. That we really would be able to part as friends.
I must have fallen asleep at some point because I was in my dream with the goddess again.
Only this time she couldn’t speak. Her lips moved and I could see what she was attempting to say.
What she always said.
Win.
Why couldn’t she speak it aloud? And why hadn’t her message changed? I had done as she’d asked and won the entire tournament. I didn’t understand why she kept giving me the same instructions.
Was she referencing something else?
Or were these dreams just a product of my own imagination?
As frustrating as these encounters were, the one good thing was that they kept my nightmares about Troas away.
When I woke up, everything felt wrong.
At first I thought it was my guilt resurfacing, but then I realized that the room felt too still.
Dagger wasn’t here and he was always here.
I got up and went over to the trunk that Zain had used and threw it open.
Empty.
I sat down on the floor.
Zain was gone.
I wouldn’t get the chance to apologize again. And I didn’t get to tell him or Dagger goodbye.
He had even taken Thrax, the pig. Which I supposed was for the best so that he could return it to whomever he’d stolen it from.
But I’d thought the pig was mine. I had even considered taking it home with me.
Although if my brother ever found out about it, he’d probably kidnap it because it would cause him endless delight to have a pet named after him.
I shook my head. That wasn’t what mattered now. What mattered was that he was gone. Somehow I had done this.
When I thought of last night, it hadn’t been my aggression that had made Zain change his mind. Before I’d even made a move, he had already decided that nothing would happen between us.
And I didn’t understand why. He had constantly flirted with me and told me he wanted me. Had it been a game for him?
How had things changed so much between us? Was he angry that I’d won the tournament? He always seemed so happy for me. I had thought he was different. That his male pride wouldn’t be bruised because I’d won instead of him.
Maybe I had been wrong.
There was a sharp, stabbing feeling in my side. It wasn’t my actual stab wound, which had healed.
I realized the pain was there because I missed him.
And I was sad that I wouldn’t get the chance to try to make things right between us.
There was nothing that I could do. I had to accept that. I would go and collect my prizes and return home. There wasn’t anything left for me in Sagaris now.
I got ready for my journey, washed and changed, packed up my belongings. I debated over the dress Zain had gotten for me, whether I should leave it or take it with me. In the end I decided to take it along as a reminder in case I was ever tempted to use Invara’s magic again.
My next stop was the stables to retrieve my horse. When they brought her out, she seemed happy to see me. I pet her nose and said, “You should have a name. I’m going to call you . . . Phaethon. After one of the immortal horses that pulls the carriage of the goddess of the dawn.”
Phaethon did not seem impressed. I climbed onto her back and directed her to the bank, where the official from last night was waiting for me.
“Basileia of Thrace! Welcome, welcome. Come in and let’s get your things.”
I tied Phaethon’s bridle to a post and followed him inside. The bank appeared to be a one-story building, but as we walked to the back, the official led me down a flight of stairs. Then another. And another.
There were two guards on every landing. We reached a hallway where guards were posted every six feet, and then the thick doors and locks started. I quickly lost count of how many we walked through and I marveled at the official’s ability to keep track of which keys went to which locks.
I knew the Sagari took stealing seriously, but I hadn’t realized it was to this depth. It would be impossible to steal from this bank.
We finally reached the room where my prizes were, and the official let me walk in first.
There was a single table in the room. I saw a large bag, a rope, and a box.
The official pointed to each object. “The gold is there, no explanation necessary. That is a rope of Phrygia. It is utterly unbreakable. It will attach to anything, and only the person who set the rope may remove it.”
“What if something happened to that person?” I asked.
“Then I suppose the rope would be stuck forever. Now here.” He walked over to the table and picked up the box.
“This is the diviner stone. The box is padded so that no sound may enter. When you are ready to ask your question, take the stone out of the box and speak to it. It will answer. You get one question and one question only. Take care when asking.”
I was tempted to open the box to take a look, but considering that I had already asked a question while standing in this room, I didn’t want to take the risk of doing so again accidentally. Or of someone else asking a question and wasting it.
I had one shot to get it right.
“Would you like to hire an escort home?” the official asked. “You would be able to afford a very good one. You are carrying some priceless things.”
“If I can’t protect them, then I don’t deserve to have them.” I opened the gold bag and put the rope and the diviner stone box in there, then threw the bag over my shoulder.
The official led me back out of the bank, closing and locking heavy doors behind him. He walked me to my horse and wished me well on my journey. I was eager to be off, so I loaded up the bag, climbed up, and then urged Phaethon to go as quickly as we could on these streets.
I needed to get out of this city, to leave these memories behind.
We had nearly reached the western wall when the Daemonians appeared, sitting on their own horses.
“Thank you for coming to my aid,” I said.
Their leader nodded.
“Did you have trouble with the city?” I asked. I should have found out earlier whether the Daemonians were being punished for what had happened.
“The Sagari hate cheating, and the archon determined we did nothing wrong by stopping a cheater who planned to break the rules.”
“I’m glad.” I would have hated it if they got into trouble on my behalf.
“Excellent work,” the leader said.
“Thank you.”
“My name is Thearides. If you ever need help, Basileia of Thrace, you may call on me or any Daemonian that knows my name.”
I did my best to hide my surprise. Coming from a Daemonian, it was an incredible offer.
I thanked him again. Thearides nodded to me and then went the opposite direction with his men.
I took the same road out that I’d used to enter the city.
I would stop at Calydon to see if they had news and then head back home to Thrace.
The journey was very much the same going back as it had been coming in. The Wastelands were still desolate, still overbearingly hot.
My thoughts were continually drawn back to Zain. I wished that I could have told him I didn’t know the magic would do that. That I’d take it back if I could. I’d never been rejected like that before, especially not by someone who told me that I mattered. That he cared about me. That I was enough.
That I was wanted.
My pride had been dented, my confidence a bit shaken. I hated that it made me doubt myself. I was stronger than that. I knew that my self-worth was not determined by how a man saw me.
It was nearly evening and we needed to stop for the night.
I found a small cave near one of the oases and decided to sleep there.
I let Phaethon drink her fill while I refilled my waterskins.
I brought her over to the cave, putting out food for her to eat.
I had just finished building my fire when I heard something.
I stood, grabbing my sword.
“Basileia.”
I whirled around and Zain stood there, watching me. My first thought was wondering how he had managed to get so close without me being aware of it.
The second, that I was so glad and relieved to see him. “I’m very happy you’re here. I wanted to talk to you about . . .”
My voice faded when I saw the expression on his face. “Zain?”
After several cold, awful seconds, he finally said, “I am here to take the diviner stone from you.”