11. Candice
CANDICE
T he moment Carter is out the door, I slump down onto the stool and bury my face in my hands.
What in the hell is wrong with me? Carter was hot, but my desperate show was purely for Jax’s benefit.
It was a shitty move, but his and Gus’s conversation earlier cut me to the core.
I’m not naive enough to think Jax isn’t seeing other women—the woman who dropped off his wallet was all the proof I needed.
What upsets me most, is knowing I’m not enough.
Why am I not enough for him ?
I’m not even sure why I handed my phone number to Carter. Jax had already left the room. Maybe subconsciously it was the push I needed to move forward. I can’t keep waiting around for something that’s never going to happen. Friendship is where our relationship began and where it ends for us.
Jax’s silence for the rest of the day is unnerving. Apart from escorting his clients back and forth, I barely see him. Is he angry with me, or is it my imagination? I shouldn’t have flirted in front of him. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
By late afternoon, my paranoia gets the better of me. I find myself walking down the corridor towards his studio. I knock before entering. “Hey,” I say, popping my head inside the door.
He briefly looks up at me before returning to what he’s doing. “Hey.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. What’s up?”
“Sophia wants to know if you’re coming over for dinner tonight.” That’s a big fat lie—it’s me who wants to know. Plus, Maddie’s been asking for him, but I’m not about to guilt him into coming over by saying that.
“Sorry, not tonight. I have other plans.”
“Ah, okay. I’ll let her know.”
My heart is heavy as I turn and head back out to the reception area.
He can deny it all he wants, but he’s upset.
This back-and-forth bullshit is doing my head in.
Why can’t either of us let go and move on?
I don’t want to hurt him, and I know Jax well enough to know he wouldn’t want to hurt me either, but that’s exactly what we’re doing to each other.
Jax is always pretty easy-going—he never stays mad for long.
So, when I head in to work the next morning, I’m ready to start the day fresh, to let go of what happened with Carter.
But the shop is still locked up when I get there.
Jax is always here before me, so I’m concerned.
I have keys, but I only bring them with me on Tuesdays.
Ten minutes pass, and just as I pull out my phone to call him, I see him approaching.
The first thing I notice is he looks like shit. Then I smell the alcohol—he reeks. Why would he be drinking on a weeknight? That’s not like him.
“Morning.”
“Morning,” he groans as he digs his keys out of his pocket. Despite how he’s feeling, he smiles as he holds the door open for me.
I’m relieved that we’re okay. Well, we are until Gus walks through the door five minutes later.
“I’m not worthy … I’m not worthy,” he chants as he crosses the shop floor and bows down before Jax. Gus is a good guy, but can be a bit overbearing at times. He’s a gentle giant, prankster and a big kid all rolled into one.
“Fuck off, Gus,” Jax groans. “I’m not in the mood for your shit today.”
“Man, I saw those two babes you left the club with last night. Fuck me.” He reaches over the counter and playfully punches Jax in the arm.
“You need to give me some pointers—how do you do that shit night after night? You’re like a real-life Arthur Fonza-fucking-relli, from Happy Days.
The babes flock to you.” He lets out a boisterous laugh because he thinks he’s funny. Neither of us join in.
In Gus’s defence, he has no idea about the history between me and Jax. I’m pretty sure if he did, he’d stop saying stuff like that in front of me.
Jax gives me a pained look like he’s trying to convey a silent apology. There’s no need—he’s free to screw whoever he wants. I go back to counting out the float, trying hard to will the tears away. I can’t believe I felt sorry for that jerk a few minutes ago.
“Stop acting like a dick is a good start,” Jax snaps at Gus, before stomping away.
I flinch when I hear his studio door slam a minute later.
“What did I do?” Gus asks, looking at me dumbfounded. He doesn’t have the brains to match his brawn.
I just shake my head.
Around 4 pm, Jax enters the reception area to see his client out, and at that exact moment my phone rings. It’s a number I don’t recognise.
“Candice speaking,” I answer.
“Hey, Candice, it’s Carter. I was in there the other day—”
Oh shit. With all this other crap going on, I’d forgotten about him. I take a deep breath for courage before I speak. It’s now or never. This may be the chance I need to get Jaxson Albright out of my system once and for all.
“Oh, I know who you are,” I say cutting him off. “You have the kind of face a girl could never forget. I hope you’re calling to tell me that you’ve decided to take me up on my offer?” I inwardly cringe at how desperate I sound.
As soon as those words are out of my mouth, Jax’s head snaps in my direction.
“Yeah. You still up for it?” Carter asks.
“God no,” I want to scream, but I don’t. I can do this . No, correction, I have to do this.
“Of course. Name the time and place and I’ll be there, handsome.”
Jax doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he’s eavesdropping on my conversation.
“Tonight?”
My eyes lock with Jax’s before I reply, “Tonight sounds perfect.” When Jax narrows his eyes, I divert my gaze to the floor. What am I doing? I’m moving on . “I get home from work around six. How about I meet you at eight?”
Carter clears his throat before saying, “Great. I’ll text you my address.” He sounds just as apprehensive as I feel, and it calms me somewhat.
“I’m looking forward to it.”
My heart is thumping against my ribcage when I end the call. I take my time bending down to place my phone back into my bag before straightening and making eye contact with Jax again.
“Who was that?” he barks.
“None of your business.”
“Don’t fuck with me, Candice,” he snaps as he closes the distance between us. “Who were you on the phone to just now?”
“A friend.”
“Male or female?” Here we go with his double standards again.
“Like I said, none of your business.”
When Gus and his client enter reception, Jax moves behind the counter and grabs hold of my hand, forcefully guiding me down the hall, towards his studio.
“Let me go, Jax.”
“No … I’m not having this conversation with an audience.”
As far as I’m concerned there’s no conversation to be had. He went home with two women last night, so if he thinks he’s going to put a stop to my date, he’s mistaken.
“What conversation?”
He doesn’t reply until we enter his room. “Do you know this person?”
“He called me, didn’t he?”
“So it’s a guy?”
“Yes, and do you think I’d go out with someone who got my number off the back of a toilet door? Give me some credit.”
“Don’t be a smartarse,” he snaps. He’s angry, but so am I. He has no right to carry on like this.
“You need to stop meddling in my life.”
“Is that what you think I’m doing?” He runs his fingers through his hair when I nod my head. “There’s a difference between meddling and caring. How well do you know this guy?”
How well did he know the two chicks he took home last night?
“Enough.”
“How well, Candice?”
“It’s Carter.”
“What? The kid from the other day?”
“Yes. And I wouldn’t exactly call him a kid. I’m going, Jax and nothing you can say will stop me.” There’s a lot he could say to stop me, but I already know he won’t say the words I’m so desperate to hear. He’ll never say them . I need to accept that he just doesn’t want me the way I want him.
Turning away, he exhales forcefully. “Fine. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” The venom in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed.
“That pretty much frees me up to do anything I like then, arsehole.”
My heart’s beating rapidly as I walk into the reception area and grab my bag from under the counter. I don’t officially knock off for another hour, but I’m giving myself an early mark. Fuck him. If Jax doesn’t like it, he can fire me. I can’t be around him right now.
Hypocritical jerk .
After picking at my dinner, I help Sophia get Maddie ready for bed. My stomach is in knots, but I’m forcing myself to go ahead with tonight. It’s time to get back on the horse. It’s been three years and I’m in the prime of my life. It’s what I need, or so I keep telling myself.
“You look lovely, sweetheart,” Sophia says when I walk into the kitchen after showering and changing.
“Thanks.”
“Are you going out tonight?”
“Yeah. I’m going out with someone I met at work.” It’s not a lie, I did meet Carter there. I know she wouldn’t care if I told her that someone was a male, but I’m not in the mood to go into details with her. She’s been bugging me to start dating again for months now.
“I wish you’d put on a top with longer sleeves.”
“I love my tatts. I’m not covering them up.” Both arms are complete now, done by Jax of course.
“Fine,” she says, rolling her eyes. “As you’ve pointed out numerous times, it’s your body.”
“That’s right.”
Looking down at my watch I see it’s just after seven. I didn’t realise Carter lived so far away until he’d texted me his address, so I have to get going. He’s expecting me at eight.
I lean down and kiss Sophia goodbye.
“Have fun, baby.”
“Thanks.”
“Hey,” she says as I turn to leave. I glance at her over my shoulder. “It’s good to see you getting out again. You’re young, you should enjoy your youth while you still have it.”