12. Jax
JAX
Every single fibre in my being wanted to stop her from going, but that would’ve been selfish. It’s not like I haven’t been with other people.
I sit up and bury my head in my hands. Pull your shit together, Albright. She’s not yours … she’ll never be yours . Well, not in the way I crave her. I need to let this infatuation go.
Is this her way of retaliating after what Gus said yesterday morning?
I didn’t even go home with those two women.
I’d planned to, but when I got outside the club, I knew I couldn’t go through with it.
I ended up putting them both in a cab and walked myself home.
I desperately wanted to tell Candice the truth, but what good would that do me?
Throwing on a pair of sweats, I head straight for the spare room.
I need to take my frustrations out on something and my punching bag is a good place to start.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve pounded it over the years.
One day I didn’t stop until my knuckles bled.
It was Christmas day, and my frustrations were aimed directly at my family—or lack of.
I sat alone in my house feeling incredibly sorry for myself.
There was nowhere to go and nobody to spend the holiday with.
Of course, I heard nothing from my parents that day, but in all honesty, I hadn’t expected to.
They would’ve been too busy throwing their showy Christmas dinner, where they invite their equally fake friends and neighbours.
As much as I always hated those gatherings, imagining them all sitting around celebrating and not giving me a second thought, hurt like you wouldn’t believe.
Those are the days I struggle the most. Why do I mean so little to them?
Now that I have Candice, Sophia and Maddie, I’m hoping this year will be different. Maybe Candice will invite Carter over for Christmas dinner too. That will fucking suck. The thought has me hammering into my punching bag even harder.
I spend forty-five minutes on the bag before getting stuck into the weights. My knuckles are red-raw, and my arms feel like jelly when I leave my makeshift gym and head for the bathroom. There’s nothing like a good workout to clear the head. I’m already feeling somewhat lighter.
After showering, I dress in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.
Apart from a few errands, I have no plans for today.
Entering the kitchen, I place a coffee pod and some water in the coffee machine and flick the switch.
As I reach for a mug from the top cupboard, I hear a knock at the door.
The clock on the microwave says it’s eight-forty-five.
Who’d be knocking on my door at this time of the morning?
“Candice,” I say with surprise when I see her standing on the doorstep with a sleepy kid in her arms. She looks frazzled. “Is everything okay?”
I hope her early-morning visit doesn’t have anything to do with last night. I’m glad I could help Carter out, but there’s a part of me that wishes I’d just left him sitting in that damn park. If I did, last night never would’ve happened.
“Not exactly,” she mutters as I move aside so she can enter. “Sophia has one of her migraines. You know how she gets … there’s no way she can look after Maddie when she’s like that.”
“You didn’t have to come all the way here to tell me that, you could’ve just called. I had things to do today, but they can wait. I’ll stand in for you.”
“No, you won’t, it’s your day off. Plus, I have some new stock arriving today.”
“Someone’s gotta work in your place.”
“Yes, me,” she says.
“What about Peanut? Who’s going to look after her?”
“You.”
“Me?” Hell fucking no . Has she lost her damn mind?
“Please.”
“No way. I don’t know the first thing about looking after a kid.”
“She’s no trouble, Jax. You know that. Come on, there’s no one else … she likes you.”
I roll my eyes when she pouts her bottom lip. She knows I can’t resist that damn face.
“It’s my day off,” I say, grasping at straws.
“Well, fine, then I quit.”
“What?”
“You heard. If you can’t look after her for me, then I have no choice but to resign.”
“Fuck,” I mumble under my breath, when she raises a perfectly sculptured eyebrow, challenging me.
I know how stubborn she can be: she’d quit just to prove a point.
I offered to work in her place. Doesn’t she realise how much I need her?
She’s my trusty sidekick and makes my day brighter.
“Why can’t you take her to work with you? ”
“I’m going to be flat out sorting through the deliveries, putting stock away and keeping those other two in line. You know how Gus can get.”
I’m going to regret this, but she’s backed me into a corner. “Fine. Give her to me.” I adore this kid, but I’m not sure if I’m cut out for babysitting duties. Actually, I’m positive I’m not.
Candice gives me a beautiful smile as she passes Maddie over. “Everything you need is in the bag. By the way, she did a shit on the way over here, so you’ll have to change her nappy.”
“Sissy said sit,” Maddie mumbles around her dummy, making me chuckle.
“Like hell I’m changing her nappy.” I’ve never changed a nappy in my life.
“It appears you don’t have a choice. I don’t have time to do it,” she says, looking down at her watch.
“She’s toilet trained, so she doesn’t wear nappies during the day.
You’ve only got to change her this once.
It’s easy, you’ve got this, big guy.” She pats my shoulder for good measure.
Easy for her maybe, she’s probably done this a million times.
“You’ll need this,” she adds, shoving the nappy bag into my arms. “I’ve gotta get going.
She’s had breakfast. There are clothes and snacks in the bag …
oh and Puppy.” Of course Snoopy would be in there, the kid doesn’t go anywhere without it. “Call me if you have any questions.”
“I’ll be calling,” I say, feeling less confident by the second.
She kisses Maddie on the cheek. I want one too.
“Be a good girl for Uncle Jax.” I smile when she says that. Candice has always made me feel like I’m part of her family. “You’ll be fine,” she says, squeezing my arm. “And thank you.”
“You’re not welcome.”
She laughs as she walks down the hall towards the front door. When she glances over her shoulder, I quickly divert my eyes away from her arse. That swing in her hips is hypnotic.
“I’ll see you tonight,” she says with a wink.
She played me big time.
Looking down at Maddie, I find her grinning up at me through her dummy. “Come,” I say, kissing the top of her head. “Let Uncle Jax clean you up.”
There better be some damn instructions in that bag .
Lying her down on the sofa, she watches me intently as I undo the buttons on her pink onesie.
I awkwardly free her arms and legs from her pyjamas, leaving her dressed in just a pink singlet and nappy.
Why did I let Candice talk me into this?
My stomach turns when I get a whiff of what’s to come.
I take a deep breath and hold it in as my fingers pull on the tabs on either side of the nappy.
“For the love of all things holy,” I grumble, throwing my head to the side and burying my nose in the crook of my arm. Fuck me . “What in the hell are they feeding you?”
Maddie mumbles something in reply, but I don’t quite hear what she says over my violent gagging. Christ, I think I’m going to throw up.
There are baby wipes in the nappy bag, but there’s no way in hell my fingers are going anywhere near that … mush.
Sliding my hands under Maddie’s arms, I lift her off the sofa. Making sure to hold her at arm’s length, as I run to the back door and out into the yard.
Placing her carefully on the concrete next to the tap, I inhale some fresh air into my lungs.
I pick up the hose and turn the tap handle, adjusting the flow of the water.
“Water,” Maddie squeals, removing her dummy and dropping it to the ground.
“Yes, water.”
She looks up at me and smiles as she places her hands in the path of the spray. I love the look of magic that dances in her eyes as her hands slice effortlessly through the water. It amazes me that such a simple thing can make her so happy. I smile when she starts giggling. She’s so damn sweet.
“I need to clean the poop off your butt, turn around and bend over.”
She does exactly as I ask. I dry reach again when she leans forward and touches her toes, revealing the shit that’s spread across her arse cheeks.
It gives me a whole new respect for mothers.
How do they do this day in and day out? She squeals with delight the moment the cold water comes into contact with her skin.
Thankfully, the poop comes off easily enough. Crisis averted. When I reach for the tap handle to turn the water off, she sits down in the puddle under her feet and starts splashing.
“Stay here,” I instruct. “I’ll run inside and grab a towel.” The yard is fully fenced, so there’s nowhere she can go.
“Kay.” She’s so amused by the water my bet is she’ll still be exactly where I left her when I return.
Running through the house, I head straight to the linen cupboard down the hall.
I can still smell the damn shit lingering in the air as I jog back through the main room.
The nappy. It’s still sitting on the sofa.
I start to dry retch again when I fold it and pick it up with the tips of two fingers.
Fuck, that’s nasty. How can something so putrid come out of someone so sweet?
Holding my breath again, I run out the back door, quickly throwing it in the bin.
Maddie’s still sitting in the puddle with her legs outstretched and her hands splashing in the water.
She grins up at me when I come to a stop beside her.
Her pink singlet is now drenched and her lips have turned a light shade of blue.
It’s not winter, but there’s a chill in the air this morning.
Hosing her off out here probably wasn’t the smartest move.