21. Jax #3
I eventually pull away and dig the heel of my palms into my eye sockets. I’m embarrassed for my outburst. I’m a grown man for Christ’s sake. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologise. I’m glad you came to me. It reminds me of the time my son had his heart broken for the first time. I held him, just like I held you.”
“You have a son?”
“I do. His name is James.”
“And he knows you live on the streets?”
“Heavens no. He has no idea. He’s always been a workaholic.
When his mother was alive, she was worried he’d never settle down.
Thankfully, he met his wife, Alana, a few months before she passed.
It gave May some hope. James and Alana married a week after she died.
They pushed the date forward, but she didn’t make it.
It would’ve made her so happy…” He stops.
I can see the pain is still raw, even after all this time.
“They have a young family now. I’d never want to burden him with my problems. My grandson, Aiden, would be almost one.
Hopefully, I’ll get to meet him one day. ”
“Hasn’t your son looked for you? Doesn’t he wonder where you are?”
“I have a phone card. When I can afford to put some money on it, I call him. I always tell him I’m doing fine, and he has no reason to doubt what I say.
He was transferred to Perth years ago, which makes it a lot easier to hide my predicament.
He’s busy with work and his family and hasn’t been back to Sydney since the funeral.
He’s high up in the advertising industry, you know.
His job is very demanding. I’m extremely proud of him. ”
“Wow.” I sit there in stunned silence. I wonder how Beau’s son would feel if he knew his father was living on the streets. I can’t stand my parents, but I wouldn’t like to see them in his position.
He stands and walks over to the shelf to grab another glass. “It’s been years since I’ve had a drink, but I think I might join you if that’s okay.”
“I’d like that,” I say. I admire this old dude. He’s a good man. Completely selfless.
My head is pounding when I wake up the next morning. I remember stumbling home at some ungodly hour. Beau and I ended up polishing off the rest of the bottle. Well, I drank most of it—he’s not much of a drinker. But spending time with him helped. He’s a wise man and gave me some good advice.
I head for the bathroom. Beau made me promise I’d hear Candice out. I’m not sure if she can say anything that will justify her actions, but I at least have to give her a chance to explain.
Once I’m showered and dressed, I pour myself a strong black coffee—I don’t think I could stomach any food.
I reach for my phone, which is sitting on the kitchen bench.
I didn’t take it with me to Beau’s; I already had two missed calls and a text message from Candice before I left and I was in no mood to talk to her.
Turning it on, I’m not surprised to see she kept trying to contact me throughout the night. There are fifteen missed calls and twelve texts.
8.05 pm – I’m sorry.
8.23 pm – Please pick up the phone.
8.59 pm – Please, Jax. I’m begging you. Answer the phone.
9.17 pm – Please call me. At least give me a chance to explain.
9.38 pm – I had my reasons for not telling you. I’m sure you’ll understand if you just hear me out.
9.51 pm – I can’t believe you’re doing this to me again. Why do you always walk away from me when I need you the most?
10.02 pm – This wasn’t an easy decision for me to make. Do you even realise how hard this has been for me?
10.46 pm – I don’t want to lose you over this. Please call me, text me … anything.
11.09 pm – The silence is making me crazy. Please contact me. I need to know you’re okay.
11.46 pm – I can’t believe you’re ignoring me. Why do you always run from me? Thanks a lot, arsehole.
I stopped reading after that. I’m an arsehole?
Fuck her. She should’ve thought about all this before she deceived me.
Was she ever going to tell me? Maddie’s been in my life for almost a year now.
I feel a hollow ache inside me when I think about everything I missed: her birth, her first words, her first steps.
I’ve been alone for so long, but I had a daughter.
Family . I would’ve been there, for her and Candice.
I should’ve made more of an effort to reach out to Candice after I left. Maybe if I had we wouldn’t be in this position now.
Rising from the stool, I walk around the breakfast bar and open the top drawer, pulling out an envelope. It’s the letter I sent her. I’ve held onto it all these years. I can’t even say why, but I’m glad I did. At least I have proof that I did try to contact her.
I tuck the letter into the back pocket of my jeans. To Candice, it may appear that I fucked her and walked away, but in my heart, I know better. It was never about the sex. She meant the world to me, and as hurt as I am right now, she still does.
After rinsing my mug in the sink, I grab my car keys off the bench and head for the front door.
I can’t put this off any longer. I need to see both Candice and my daughter.
I want answers—no, correction: I need answers.
I need something to help me understand because for the life of me, I can’t wrap my head around any of this.
It’s only just after eight when I pull up outside her house. I doubt she’ll turn up for work this morning, and I can’t let this wait until the end of the day. I’ll go crazy if I do.
I rub my hands down the front of my jeans before knocking on the door. It’s early, but I know someone will be up. Well, I hope they are. A few seconds later, the front door flies open. Sophia is standing there in her pyjamas, and she’s as white as a ghost.
“Jax. Thank God. I was just about to call you. Are the girls with you?”
“What? No. Why?”
My adrenaline picks up when her hands cover her mouth. “Because she’s not here. Neither of them are. Oh, God—she’s gone.”
“Is this some kind of sick joke?”
“Do you really think I’d joke about something like this?”
When I see the tears appear in her eyes, I know she’s not.
Pushing my way past her, I enter the house. “Which room is theirs?”
“Candice’s room is the first door on the right at the top of the stairs. Maddison’s room is next door.”
I bound up the stairs, taking them two at a time.
“I’ve already checked their rooms, Jax,” Sophia calls out to my retreating back. “They’re not in there.” I continue anyway. I need to see for myself.
When I enter Candice’s bedroom, it looks much the same as her room in Canberra.
With one noticeable difference: there are no trophies or beauty pageant sashes in sight.
She must’ve left them packed away when they moved.
It wasn’t who she was anyway. She hated that part of her life, hence her meltdown with Sophia last night.
My heart drops into the pit of my stomach when I open her wardrobe to find her clothes gone. I find the same thing when I run into Maddie’s room. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I call her number, but it goes straight to voicemail.
My shoulders slump. She’s gone, and she’s taken my little girl with her.
“She’s gone … both my babies are gone,” I hear Sophia cry from behind me. No kidding, Sherlock. When I swing around to face her I notice the letter in her hand. “I just found this on the kitchen table.”
Jesus. I clutch my head in my hands, as devastation rips through me yet again.